Coping With Loneliness with Chronic Pain

The Problem of Loneliness

Chronic pain and Invisible Illness are difficult conditions to live with and can lead to social withdrawal and loneliness. When you get sick, not only do you have to process and deal with things like surgeries, recovery, medications, new symptoms and flare-ups but socially you may have to give up hobbies and activities you once loved, making it hard to nurture friendships and relationships with those close to you.

It’s hard for those who love you to understand why you might have to cancel plans last minute or leave during the middle of the evening. Because they’ve never experienced what you’re going through, it’s hard to have a frame of reference. Unless you’ve lived it, it’s impossible to make others understand.

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Social Isolation Is Serious

Because of these changes that we have to make – like leaving in the middle of an event or cancelling plans – we open ourselves up to feelings of social isolation, depression and anxiety and guilt.

Social isolation is defined as an occurrence when a person lacks opportunities to interact with people while loneliness is the subjective experience of distress over not having enough social relationships or enough contact with people.

It is possible for a person with a chronic illness to be socially isolated and not feel lonely and someone with a chronic illness can feel lonely, while not being socially isolated. There are several issues that people with chronic illness face that can lead to social isolation and feeling lonely:

  • Disbelief from others when you don’t have a clear diagnosis
  • Physical limitations due to pain or fatigue
  • The unpredictability of symptom onset
  • The trigger of symptoms related to noises, smells, etc.
  • Lack of a strong support system (Family and/or Friends)
  • Changes in employment or financial stability
  • Loss of hobbies and outside activities

Social isolation and feeling lonely are important health problems and should not be overlooked. The chronic illness population is at an even higher risk for social isolation and this problem should be addressed with your Doctor along with other symptoms and risk factors.

What You Can Do About It

When you are socially isolated and have feelings of loneliness, it can actually make your chronic illness worse. The longer you are experiencing isolation or loneliness, the more you start to develop feelings of shame, guilt, inadequacy, distrust and abandonment toward yourself and others. The more these feelings grow, the less likely you are to seek out real human connections.

So what can you do when you start having these feelings?

1. Recognize loneliness for what it is, and accept that you have these feelings. Self-awareness is important in making positive changes. When you catch yourself falling into old habits, you’ll be able to more quickly turn things around.

2. Use Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) to help reframe your thoughts to become more positive and open to socialization. This can be done with the help of a therapist or through online courses and over time, can be very effective.

3. Resist the temptation to isolate yourself and start forcing yourself to recognize if this is your “go-to response. Deliberately try doing the opposite of what you’re feeling – instead of retreating into watching TV, take a walk or pick up the phone and call someone. The more you resist the temptation to isolate, the easier it becomes

4. Fill your life with loving positive people who are patient and trustworthy and who truly try to understand what you are going through. They will be your encouragers and biggest support system. Remove negative people from your life…you don’t need their energy.

5. Try one new thing each week that will get you to meet new people. Try an art class, go to yoga, volunteer… anything that will get you to meet new people who like doing things that you like to do.

6. Seek out a support group for your illness. This is a great way to meet people who really do understand what you’re going through. Even an online group is fine to get started as being with like-minded people will help to engage you instead of isolating you.

7. Ask for what you need in your life. Don’t feel you’re being a burden on others…when someone asks what they can do for you to help, they genuinely want to help. Let them…give them the opportunity to be of service to you. Perhaps it’s to invite you out for coffee once a week or to go take a class together. You’ll be helping them as much as they will be helping you.

8. Consider therapy. It can help you explore any deeper issues that might be contributing to loneliness or social isolation. Therapy can also be a great accountability and skills training support to help you manage all of the difficult things you are going through in a safe way.

Remember, 

There Is Always Hope

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A Painful Talk (Pain and How It Feels)

I want to talk about Pain today. Physical pain is something that most people can say they’ve experienced at some point in their lives and it’s something that feels different for every person. If you live with Chronic Pain, you will experience pain in a completely different way than Acute pain, which is short-lived or fleeting.

Pain Scale

When you are in pain, you are often asked to describe how bad your pain is on a scale of 1 (being the least amount of pain) and 10 (being the worst pain you’ve ever felt). Doctors often use this chart:

pain-scale-chart

I personally prefer this updated pain chart:

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Types of Pain

  • acute pain starts suddenly and is short-term
  • chronic pain lasts for a longer period of time
  • breakthrough pain often happens in between regular, scheduled painkillers
  • bone pain happens when cancer is affecting a bone
  • soft tissue pain happens when organs, muscles or tissues are damaged or inflamed
  • nerve pain happens when a nerve is damaged
  • referred pain is when pain from one part of your body is felt in another
  • phantom pain is when there is pain in a part of the body that has been removed
  • total pain includes the emotional, social and spiritual factors that affect a person’s pain experience.
  • hyperalgesia – extreme and abnormally heightened sensation to pain
  • allodynia – Allodynia refers to central pain sensitization following normally non-painful, often repetitive, stimulation.
  • paresthesia – an abnormal sensation such a prickling or “pins and needles” in a part of the body caused chiefly by pressure on the peripheral nerves
  • visceral – pain that is felt in the thoracic, pelvic, or abdominal organs

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Image by Noupload from Pixabay 

Descriptions

Some of the descriptive words that are commonly used to define your pain include:

  • aching
  • tender
  • sharp
  • shooting
  • hot
  • burning
  • nagging
  • intense
  • stabbing
  • tingling
  • dull
  • throbbing

Living With Pain

The Pain of Fibromyalgia

For most people, pain is a response to an injury or illness and is generally short-lived. It tells us that there is a problem in the body so that we can get the proper treatment to correct the situation. 

For people who live with Chronic or Persistant Pain, the body continues to send out pain signals long after the original injury or illness, or in response to an ongoing condition such as arthritis. 

It’s important to talk about your pain and to work with your healthcare team to find ways to manage it. There are many treatment options available, from Cognitive Behaviour Therapy to medications such as Opioid drugs. It may help to have a trusted friend you can share with.

Some people find talk therapy a good alternative – for example, in British Columbia, Canada, there is a program from PainBC.com that pairs you up with a trained Pain Consultant in their “Coaching for Health” program. 

Emotional Pain

Emotional Pain can be just as devastating as physical pain, as there is often a harder time finding ways of reducing the anguish that is felt. This is where talk therapy and Cognitive Behavour Therapy can be especially of benefit. 

You may be feeling particularly distressed about the physical pain you are feeling. By seeking ways to share your emotions, you can ease the burden that’s been placed on you and come to terms with the physical pain that may now be a permanent part of your life. 

I belong to a Fibromyalgia Group on Facebook called Fibro Connect. This question was recently asked and I’ve been given permission to share some answers here:

Finish this sentence: The hardest thing for me when I got chronic pain was…

  • Sheila Ibe McGaughey Hicks: When I don’t have anything to cure the pain and the Dr.s don’t give a da–. If it was them you can bet they would have something!!
  • Melissa Temple: Dealing with what I couldn’t do anymore.
  • Margie Daily Williams: Relationships
  • Vicki Fellas DeKroney: Going out with my husband and doing things we used to do. Liked dancing.
  • Peggy O’Connor: Having fun like I used to – it being so loud in the stores and the fluorescent lighting got to my eyes. I couldn’t wait to get home to my chihuahua and just destress. Not fun at all 
  • Leeroy Good: I had to learn that who you talk to about certain things is important and knowing who to share with is an art.
  • Nikki Albert: Accept I was disabled
  • Marjorie Mccluskey: Sleeping
  • Lisa Kreimes: Having to give up my old self. The person that could do everything, and friends dropping like flies because they don’t understand why you can’t be who you once were. 
  • Lea Cheney: To fight the anxiety and depression
  • Linzi Bee: I miss long dog walks so much .
  • Susan Weber: Everything above. You all nailed it.
  • Pamela Jessen: Accepting that my life was going to drastically change.
  • Susan Pearson: Realising I am unlikely to have children. I still try and consider other options going forward but time is ticking away and windows are narrowing. All the rest are just frustrations in comparison to this.

Conclusion

As you can see, living with Chronic Pain causes your whole life to spiral out of control. Chronic Pain affects every aspect of your life – your relationships, your work, your hobbies, your freedom, your ability to make choices…that’s why it’s crucial to work with your healthcare team to find solutions that help you. Remember…

There Is Always Hope

There Is Always Hope

Living with Chronic Illness is an act of bravery. When each of your days is spent in pain and discomfort, it takes a lot of courage to keep going. I want to talk about hope…how to have it to get through your life and how it helps to keep a person going.

there is always hope

What is HOPE? Here is one definition I found that I think sums it up:

Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. As a verb, its definitions include: “expect with confidence” and “to cherish a desire with anticipation.”

Being optimistic is essential when you live with Chronic Illness, because the alternative is unacceptable. If you only see negatives, then you end up wallowing in misery and that compounds how you feel physically and mentally. I truly believe that even in the worst illnesses, there are positives to be found.

  1. You gain a better perspective of your own strengths
  2. You show more compassion for others who are struggling
  3. You understand the human condition for what it is and tend to reach out more to others
  4. Every accomplishment is a victory
  5. You find greater wisdom from those around you

Expecting with confidence is based on faith – trusting that what you want the most will come true. Realistic faith is a good thing and ridiculous faith is even better! What is ridiculous faith? It’s when you hope and pray for something which is beyond reasonable expectations, but still anticipate that miracles could happen.

Do you need Religion to have Hope? I don’t think so. It can help in many ways, as prayer can be a very comforting thing, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Many people consider themselves Spiritual rather than Religious and find comfort in ritual, nature or other traditions. Prayer may not be a part of their lives, but they still find comfort in the routines they’ve established for themselves.

I am a Christ Follower and find prayer to be essential to my well-being. It comforts me to know that I have a God who is bigger than me and who holds me in the palm of His hand. I trust that He has a plan for my life and though I may not understand it, I accept it. Acceptance on it’s own can be comforting.

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Image by Daniel Reche from Pixabay

So how does one go about growing Hope in their lives? What steps do you have to take to have faith in the things that are happening in your life, good and bad?

  1. Acknowledge your strengths. Chronic Illness can rob us of our confidence. Try making a list of all of your strengths and accomplishments. Read through the list and congratulate yourself for these positive traits. Understanding that you still have much to offer the world goes a long way in inspiring hope in the soul.
  2. Cultivate supportive relationships. As much as you can, surround yourself with supportive and caring people. People who help you to feel good and encourage you to be your best help to increase your sense of wellbeing. Having a supportive network of friends will help you to further your interests and goals. It’s much easier to find hope within a strong community as opposed to completely on your own
  3. Look at the activities and attitudes of people around you. See if any of them can serve as role models for what you would like to accomplish for yourself. Also, consider how the people around you act and make you feel. When you surround yourself with hope and success, it naturally trickles down into your own life. Like attracts like.
  4. Engage in pleasurable activities. Doing things that you enjoy can also help you to develop your sense of hope. By engaging in activities that make you happy every day, you will have a greater sense of purpose. If you are not sure about what activities bring you the most joy, try out some new things to figure it out. Take a class at your local community college, try a new exercise routine (Aqua-based activities are easy on the body), learn a new skill, or start a new hobby.
  5. Get involved with a cause. Volunteering for a cause you believe in is a great way to cultivate hope towards the future. This can be in either your local community or even an online community if mobility is an issue for you. Patient Advocacy is an area that is under-represented and working with Health Care Organizations can have a huge impact on yourself as well as others who live with Chronic Illness.
  6. Build relationships with others. When you start to build new relationships over common goals or projects, your sense of hope can greatly increase as you see results from your efforts. Involving yourself with other people who share your interests can help you to overcome alienation, which can cause a feeling of hopelessness.
  7. Get out of your comfort zone. This is essential to changing your thought patterns and learning to approach the world with more hope. Go out with friends after work instead of going straight home. Join a club or group so you can share new experiences with others. Develop a new hobby. Put yourself out there in ways that make you mildly uncomfortable at first.
  8. Keep track of your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Journaling is a great way to understand why you have been feeling hopeless and it is also a great stress reliever. To get started, buy a beautiful journal and a nice pen or pencil. Choose a comfortable place and plan to devote about 20 minutes per day to writing. Start by writing about how you are feeling, what you are thinking, or whatever else is on your mind.
  9. Try keeping a gratitude diary. Every night, think of three things you are grateful for and write them down. Doing this every day will help you to develop a more hopeful outlook and it can also help you to sleep better and enjoy better health. 
  10. Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy food, get plenty of rest, and relax. By taking good care of yourself, you are sending your mind signals that you deserve to be happy and treated well which can increase your hope for the future. Make time to take care of yourself
    • Exercise to the best of your ability.
    • Eat a balanced diet of healthy foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
    • Get 7-9 hours of sleep per night. Use good sleep hygiene if you have trouble sleeping.
    • Set aside at least 15 minutes per day to relax. Practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate.
    • Stay hydrated
    • Go for a massage or have body work such as Reiki to help balance you.
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Hope doesn’t have to be a fleeting thing…it can be a strong and deciding factor in your day to day life. I live every day with the hope it will be a good day. Positivity goes a long way in making me feel better physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m realistic about what I am and am not able to do, but I never give up hope that things will be better. It’s all about attitude and choosing how you want to feel.

I hope these ideas and suggestions are useful for you. I named my blog There Is Always Hope because I truly believe that statement. Even in the worst of our moments, I believe there is always a tiny light burning bright for us. We just have to look for it. Sometimes that means stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something we never thought we were capable of, but if we can overcome our fear, we may be surprised as to what we find.

And so I end this post as I always do and I mean it even more today…

There Is Always Hope

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Interview October – Elisa Austin

Today we meet my final guest for Interview October, the wonderful Elisa Austin. Please join me in welcoming her!

Introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you…

I am a 50 year old, mother of eight and grandmother. I’m a photographer and writer.

One fascinating fact about me is:

I am still existing. 

Chronic illness(es)/disabilities I have… 

I have underactive thyroid (Hashimoto’s), Fibromyalgia, and IBS

My symptoms/condition began…

The thyroid condition was diagnosed in 1999 because I was just “off” and “dragging.” Fibromyalgia was diagnosed in 2004 although I believe symptoms began earlier.

My diagnosis process was… 

My doctor ruled out most things with blood tests and sent me to a rheumatologist. The rheumatologist ruled out RA and by process of elimination Fibromyalgia was diagnosed.

The hardest part of living with my illness/disabilities is…

Knowing there is no cure and I will have to deal with the pain every day for the rest of my life.

A typical day for me involves…

Medication, necessary appointments or activities, and with luck some housework.

The one thing I cannot live without is…

It rotates through warm baths, heating pads, aromatherapy, family, exercise

Being ill/disabled has taught me…

That I’m stronger and more determined than I had originally thought. 

My support system is…

My family and an online group

If I had one day symptom/disability-free I would…

I don’t even know. I no longer make plans or have dreams.

One positive of having a chronic illness/disability is…

I am more supportive of others

One final thing I want people to know is: 

I refuse to give up.

Interview October – Jennifer Van Haitsma

I’m excited to share my next guest’s story with you…please meet Jennifer Van Haitsma!

Introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you…

Hi! My name is Jennifer Van Haitsma, the writer behind the blog Diffusing the Tension. I am 33 and I live in Northwest Indiana (about an hour from Chicago). I’m married to my love of 14 years, and we have 2 amazing children. (They are 4.5 and 2.5). In my spare time, I love to watch TV. I’m an avid binge watcher when I can. I especially love British period dramas, procedurals, and true crime documentaries. I also love to read. My goal is to read 35 books this year. I try to workout several days a week as well. 

One fascinating fact about me is:

I am terrified of heights. It is strange because I am not afraid of rollercoasters or airplane rides, but any other situation involving heights petrifies me. 

Chronic illness(es)/disabilities I have…

I live with bipolar disorder and chronic fatigue. Originally, I was diagnosed with depression, but my diagnosis changed about 10 years ago. 

My symptoms/condition began…

I began to exhibit symptoms of depression when I was 9 years old. I was a little more withdrawn at school and acted out a bit more at home, from what I can remember. 

My diagnosis process was… 

When I was 12 or 13 my mom took my to my first therapist. I remember not even wanting to talk to her at first. I had a lot of anger after my cousin’s death in 1995 (when my symptoms started) and really didn’t want to let a stranger climb the walls I had built inside. But ultimately, I was diagnosed with depression. In 2009, at age 23, I began to exhibit symptoms of mania (hyper productivity, irritability, and sabotaging relationships.) I sought treatment again, and in 2010 I was labeled bipolar 2 with rapid cycling mixed episodes. 

The hardest part of living with my illness/disabilities is…

Definitely the effects it has on those around me. I sometimes lose my patience when it’s not necessary, and take it out on my husband and children, which makes me feel deeply ashamed. Another incredibly hard part is the fatigue. I am so tired that it is hard to stay awake past 7:30pm. 

A typical day for me involves…

Taking the day an hour at a time. I make the kids breakfast, then we do whatever we can to pass the time until lunch, etc. My fatigue makes it hard to stick to a schedule with them currently, as I often need to lie down for prolonged periods of time. 

The one thing I cannot live without is…

My phone! It is where I store my pictures, others’ phone numbers, others’ address, where I get my entertainment, where I keep my to do lists… My phone is the central hub of my daily activity. 

Being ill/disabled has taught me…

It had taught me resilience in a way that nothing else could. I have had to learn that each day is a fresh start, and it is possible to make the most of my situation. It has also taught me the power of speaking about my journey so that I can help others through theirs. 

My support system is…

My biggest supporters are my husband and parents. My husband is my best friend, and he is always patient with me when my illness gets bad, and always stays by my side. My parents provide a lot of support where my husband can’t. The girls get a lot of play time with their grandmas during the day when he is working and I need the help. 

If I had one day symptom/disability-free I would…

It’s funny how hard it is to imagine myself without my illness! I think I would get in a long workout and then spend the day doing fun things with the girls. Maybe a trip to the zoo or a local amusement park, if the weather was good. 

One positive of having a chronic illness/disability is…

It helps you have more empathy for others who struggle. Before my diagnosis, I’m sure I often looked down on people with chronic illness. Now, I know they are just that: people. 

One final thing I want people to know is:

I am not my illness. I am so much more than just bipolar. I am a wife, a mom, a bookworm, a TV addict, a fitness nut, a friend, a sister, a daughter, a person. 

My links are:

Blog: www.diffusingthetension.com

Twitter: www.twitter.com/jvan3610

Facebook: www.facebook.com/diffusingthetension

Instagram: www.instagram.com/diffusing_the_tension

Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/diffusingthetensionblog

Interview October – Keiran Potter

It’s time to meet my next guest, the fabulous Keiran Potter! I’m excited about what he has to share!

Keiran Potter

Introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you…

Hello, my name is Keiran Potter, I am 21 years old and I am from the South West of England. I am currently studying English Literature and Creative Writing at University and hope to pursue a career as a writer if all goes to plan. But you know what they say, best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. 

One fascinating fact about me is:

Not sure how fascinating any of my facts are but I am 22 this month and still often get mistaken for a 12 year old at my local shops. Oh and I’m gay, not fascinating but definitely a fact. 

Chronic illness(es)/disabilities I have…

Celiac Disease and Various Mental Health problems but for the sake of this interview I’ll focus on the former

My symptoms/condition began…

The symptoms of Celiac were present for an awful long time before I recognised them as something that could be potentially sinister. The stomach pain, migraines and bleeding had been such a regular thing for me, that it became the norm and I failed to question it for a long time. So I’d say as long as I remember I have had the issue but it wasn’t further explored until May 2018 

My diagnosis process was… 

 I had to have blood tests and several other samples. Celiac Disease can share some symptoms with other serious conditions like intestinal cancers, so my doctor was pretty concerned. Once they came back I got referred to a specialist on a 9 month waiting list. In the interim they told me to research about Celiac Disease and cut out Gluten from my diet. They failed to tell me that by doing this it would also put other aspects of my health at risk. Such as my heart. 

When I was referred I was then asked to eat Gluten again after being gluten-free for 9 months, in order to have an upper endoscopy and biopsy of my intestines. 

So all of my symptoms got more aggressive and I was in constant pain as my body had began healing in the 9 months that I had known about my potential diagnosis 

The first biopsy was inconclusive. I had to wait another 3 months and get another one done. It was quite a hellish experience to be honest but I finally got the 100% confirmation of the disease. Which in many ways was a blessing as I finally had some answers 

The hardest part of living with my illness/disabilities is…

The constant vigilance and endless fatigue and stomach pain. Even when doing everything you should be doing. Sometimes you have issues for no apparent reason and there is literally no answer to appease your concerns or pain. 

A typical day for me involves…

 A lot of thinking ahead about the risks of everyday living. Such as eating or spending the day out of the house in an unfamiliar place. A lot of time spent on or near a toilet. University, I study English and Creative Writing. Lots of medication but thankfully a lot of laughs 

The one thing I cannot live without is…

 Not really a thing but my support system and the people who help and love me the most. I quite literally would not be alive if it wasn’t for them. 

Being ill/disabled has taught me…

To value every aspect of your life for what it is. You never know when those simple joys may be taken from you. It has also made me more appreciative of health in general. Our bodies are not as indestructible as we may like to think sometimes  

My support system is…

My Family, my mum specifically. I don’t think I would show up to half of the appointments I have if it wasn’t for her dragging me there by the ear. I’m very grateful for all the help and care she gives me 

If I had one day symptom/disability-free I would…

 Eat some Chinese food and go do something productive and just enjoy the day without the illness. I would take advantage of some of the freedoms that I feel I don’t have as much access too since my illnesses have truly taken a hold on my life

One positive of having a chronic illness/disability is…

I think one positive is how you can then use your knowledge of your own body and conditions to educate and help others. There is also a sense of community instantly when you find people who struggle with the same illnesses and experiences. It’s important that all voices are heard, so I’m glad interviews like this amplify the voices of disabled or chronically ill people. 

One final thing I want people to know is:

 Only because a person may not look ill, it doesn’t mean they are not struggling everyday to live their life as normally as possible. Always be kind to everyone you meet as even if you can’t physically see it, that person could be in pain and/ or mental strife. A smile could always brighten up their day 

My links are:

Https://KeiranCrying.com/blog

Instagram.com/keirancrying

Chronic Pain And Addictions

I want to talk about a difficult subject today…Chronic Pain and Addictions. When you live with Chronic Pain, you can find yourself spiraling in a dark hole. Sometimes depression becomes as big of a problem as the physical pain you live with, and in a desperate need to feel better, you find yourself turning to your medications too often, or you resort to drinking or eating as a way of filling the gap.

Addiction is easy to fall into, as often, you are not receiving adequate treatment for your pain to begin with. You find yourself taking your medictions sooner than directed, or you take more than recommended and then suddenly, you’re in withdrawal at the end of the month when your prescription has run out.

Instead of abusing your pain medications, you may turn to alcohol to increase the “buzz”, or food may become the drug of your choice. “Anything to dampen the pain” is what you might be thinking, and sometimes, it works. Other times, it feels like nothing can fill the unending gulf of pain you live with and so your depression deepens and you’re left feeling worthless. Thoughts of suicide may plague you but you resist telling others for fear they will see you as weak.

Let’s examine this problems in more detail.

Medications

Opioid abuse is an epidemic in the United States. In 2016, approximately 11.5 million Americans 12 years and older misused opioid pain medications, and 1.8 million had a substance use disorder involving prescription pain medications. From 2000 to 2015, more than 500,000 persons died from opioid overdoses, with deaths generally increasing as prescription opioid sales increased. In 2012, clinicians wrote 259 million prescriptions for opioids, enough for every U.S. adult.*

Chronic Pain and Addictions

There are a variety of medications that are used in the treatment of Chronic Pain. As you probably know, there is a current push from to cut back on Opioids like Oxycodone and Hydrocodone because of perceived over-prescribing and the number of deaths linked to the mis-use of Opioids. The number of deaths from illegal Fentynal overdoses has increased dramatically, yet the people who actually require the drug for their Chronic Pain are being turned away by their physicians or are having their dosages cut back significantly.

PreGabalin, Gabapentin, and mixed drugs like Tramacet (Tramadol and Acetaminophen) are now being used more frequently, but not always to great benefit. This is one of the reasons the use of illegal Fentynal is increasing – people aren’t getting adequate relief from their doctor-prescribed medications and so they’re looking to the streets for solutions.

Alcohol

Throughout the ages, people have used alcohol to manage their pain. A swig of whiskey after a bullet wound in the old Westerns, or to numb the pain of a teething baby are two minor examples. A study done recently showed that 28% of people with Chronic Pain used alcohol to help control their pain**

Chronic Pain and Addictions

Although alcohol has been shown to reduce pain, it’s a temporary solution and has potential and possible fatal risks. When you drink, you are more likely to abuse your prescription medications, resulting in furthering the sedative effects of both. You also increase the possibility of liver damage or gastric bleeding. Using alcohol as a pain medication often ends up with exceeding the recommended amount that you should drink and overdose of alcohol and/or prescription medications can be fatal.

Other points to note:

  • Withdrawal from chronic alcohol use often increases pain sensitivity which could motivate some people to continue drinking or even increase their drinking to reverse withdrawal-related increases in pain.
  • Prolonged, excessive alcohol exposure generates a painful small fiber peripheral neuropathy, the most common neurologic complication associated with alcoholism.

Food

When a person is unable to control the amount of pain they live with, they may turn to food instead, as a way of finding relief. It doesn’t take away the pain, but satiating yourself gives back the illusion of that control that you’ve lost elsewhere. Anorexia and bingeing/purging become huge risks and lead to further medical problems.

Chronic Pain and Addiction

Anorexia is the elimination of food from the diet, until your calorie intake is grossly under the recommended daily allowance for health. It is a psychological and potentially life-threatening eating disorder.

There are a multitude of health risks involved including mood swings, low blood pressure, heart problems, kidney and liver issues, loss of bone density and the very real possibility of death.

Bingeing and purging causes issues such as gastric problems, dental issues from vomiting and bile wearing at the teeth and gums, dehydration and depression issues. The use of excessive laxatives is hard on your bowels and runs the risk of chronic constipation, resulting in a Catch-22 of needing to use more laxatives to alleviate the constipation.

Excessive Exercise is another form of purging. By engaging in obscene amounts of exercise, you expose yourself to potential damage to your joints from overuse, dehydration, weakness and potential heart issues.

Other Addictions

Other addictions to be careful about including smoking, gambling, shopping and sex although I’m sure you can think of even more. Each of these excessive behaviours can lead to damaging consequences so it’s imporant to be aware of them. When you live with Chronic Pain, you can have an “all or nothing” mentality – you simply want to do anything that will help you focus on something other than hurting.

What Next?

The first step to any of these issues is to accept that you have a problem. Professional help is required to allow you to wean off of the drugs or alcohol, or to start a healthy relationship with food.

Support groups are available both in person and online and are highly recommended. To be with people who have gone through the same experiences as you have can be very comforting.

A Pain Management program may be suggested to help you get to the root of your problems, and to help you find solutions to managing your pain more effectively.

Talk to your family physician to start. Now is the time to be honest about what you’ve been going through and how you’ve been coping (or not coping). Accept that seeing a counsellor on a regular basis may be a requirement for your success. Having a safe place to talk goes a long way in setting goals for yourself and achieving them.

Ask about specific books that may help you understand Chronic Pain more completely. Knowledge is power.

Finally, realize that you are not a bad person. You may have made some bad choices, but recognizing them and changing them is what’s important. We all make mistakes, and even if you think you’re the worst person in the world…you’re not. You have value and worth and are deserving of the best care possible. Remember,

There Is Always Hope

*https://www.aafp.org/afp/2018/0301/p313.html
**https://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/PainFactsheet/painFact.htm

chronic pain and addictions

A Positivity Pause (Quotes To Help Your Frame Of Mind)

When you live with Chronic Pain, you often find yourself juggling various mood swings. It’s hard to stay positive when you’re in pain all the time, so here are some quotes to help you stay on track or to turn to when you need to be uplifted.

Thanks to Success.com for the following:

1. Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”

— Helen Keller


2. “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

— Willie Nelson


3. “Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.”

— Lyndon B. Johnson


4. “In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.”

— Dalai Lama


5. “I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.”

— Walt Disney


6. “Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”

— Zig Ziglar


7. “Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power.”

— William James


8. “You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.”

— Deepak Chopra


9. “The thing that lies at the foundation of positive change, the way I see it, is service to a fellow human being.”

— Lee lacocca


10. “Positive thinking is more than just a tagline. It changes the way we behave. And I firmly believe that when I am positive, it not only makes me better, but it also makes those around me better.”

— Harvey Mackay


11. “In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact.”

— Les Brown


12. “I’m a very positive thinker, and I think that is what helps me the most in difficult moments.”

— Roger Federer


13. “Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.”

— Colin Powell


14. “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

— Winston Churchill


15. “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so let us all be thankful.”

— Buddha

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Quotes for Daily Living from Goodreads

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader
“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.” 
― Walt Whitman
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”
― Bruce Lee
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
― Mary Manin Morrissey
“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
― Oscar Wilde
“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.”
― Max Ehrmann, Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
― John Wooden
“Dream as if you will live forever; Live as if you will die today.”
― James Dean
“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”
― John Wesley
“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
― Mark Twain
“The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised.”
― Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking
“The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.”
― Thomas S. Monson
“Run mad as often as you choose, but do not faint!”
― Jane Austen, Love and Friendship
“Sit in a room and read–and read and read. And read the right books by the right people. Your mind is brought onto that level, and you have a nice, mild, slow-burning rapture all the time.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
“Be grateful, be smart, be clean, be true, be humble, be prayerful.”
“Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.”
― Lou Holtz
“Don’t count the days, make the days count.”
― Muhammad Ali
“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God.”
― Ronald Reagan
“May I share with you a formula that in my judgment will help you and help me to journey well through mortality… First, fill your mind with truth; second, fill your life with service; and third, fill your heart with love.”
― Thomas S. Monson
“Meditate.
Live purely. Be quiet.
Do your work with mastery.
Like the moon, come out
from behind the clouds!
Shine”
― Siddhārtha Gautama
“In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.”
― Lao Tzu
“Being yourself is all it takes. If you want to impress someone don’t be someone else just be yourself.”
― Selena Gomez
“The most important thing to do if you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging.”
― Warren Buffett
“Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can’t answer.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.”
― William Arthur Ward
“Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.”
― William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell
“Breathe properly. Stay curious. And eat your beets.”
― Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume
“It is foolish to tear one’s hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness.”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero
There Is Always Hope

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Note: This post contains Affiliate Links which pay me a small percentage of your purchase price at no cost to you.

When you live with Chronic Pain, everything you do becomes a new challenge. Working, socializing, taking care of kids and/or a home – you still need to do it all and live your life, but now you have persistant pain as your constant companion. Often, you find yourself compromising or looking for better ways of doing things, so your pain isn’t exacerbated.

One of the areas of life with Chronic Pain which is often not talked about is intimacy and your sexual well-being. These are crucial components of a good relationship, but what happens when pain causes you to withdraw from sexual relations, and intimacy begins to suffer? Let’s talk about some of the reasons this happens and what can be done.

Difficulties with intimacy may stem from various causes, including increased pain during sexual activity, a lack of arousal and accompanying vaginal dryness, the inability to reach orgasm, side effects from the use of opioids and other commonly-used medications (eg, certain antidepressants), a past history of sexual abuse, and issues with communication in general.

Because of Chronic Pain, you may find your overall relationship has begun to suffer. A partner may withdraw from you because they don’t know how to help you. This translates to the bedroom, where they may be afraid to cause you more pain or they’re dealing with their own issues regarding your health. Perhaps your partner has become resentful of the extra burden placed on them with your inability to do certain chores now.

A change in standard routines can be upsetting for everyone and this may cause extra fatigue for you both, which also causes you to withdraw from intimacy. Sleep may be what you crave the most, and when your partner wants to have sex, it’s the last thing on your mind.

So how do you overcome these issues? What do you do to make sex more enjoyable for both of you? Here is an expanded list of ideas from a previous post that might be a good starting point.

  • Talk. Make a point of talking openly and honestly about what you are feeling. If there is fear about pain, talk about it and what you can do to alleviate any extra. If you feel disconnected from your partner because it’s been a long time since you last were intimate, talk about those feelings and what you’re worrying about. Do you have scars or extra weight that is causing you concern? Be honest about how you feel. It can be very vulnerable to speak the truth, but it often brings you closer to your partner in the long run.
  • Touch. Exploring your partner’s body through touch is an exciting way to express your sexual feelings. This can include holding hands, cuddling, fondling, stroking, massaging and kissing. Touch in any form increases feelings of intimacy.
  • Self-stimulation. Masturbation is a normal and healthy way to fulfil your sexual needs. One partner may use masturbation during mutual sexual activity if the other partner is unable to be very active.
  • Oral sex. It can be an alternative or supplement to traditional intercourse.
  • Toys. Use of various sex toys can help loosen inhibitions, relax the body and make intercourse more enjoyable.
  • Different positions. Lie side by side, kneel or sit. Look in your library or bookstore for a guide that describes and illustrates different ways to have intercourse. If you’re embarrassed to get this kind of book locally, try an online book retailer.
  • Vibrators and lubricants. A vibrator can add pleasure without physical exertion. If lack of natural lubrication is a problem, over-the-counter lubricants can prevent pain from vaginal dryness.
  • Pillows and wedges. Make use of pillows and wedges to help find comfortable positions that alleviate pressure points. A good sex shop can help you find products specifically made for this purpose.
  • Change your expectations. Because reaching orgasm can be almost impossible when you are on certain medications, you may find changing your expectations for sex will help you enjoy lovemaking more. Don’t make orgasm the ultimate goal…just enjoy sex for what it is – a pleasurable experience.
  • Ask for what you need. Listen to your body and what it’s telling you during sex. If certain activities make you feel better, do more of that. Lovemaking doesn’t always have to end in intercourse. Oral sex during a lovemaking session may be all that you desire, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
  • Prepare in Advance. It’s important for people with Chronic Pain to understand that sexual activity often takes a lot of planning. There is not as much spontaneity as there used to be. You may find you need to take your pain medication, apply heat, or stretch before sexual activity. This is also a good time to try increasing your arousal by reading erotica, watching a video, or having your partner give you a massage in the area of your pain.
  • Timing. Choose a time of day when you have less pain as a time to be sexually active. For some people as the day goes on, the pain gets worse, but the opposite also may be true for others. If you have kids, you may have to sneak away for a quickie, but even that is better than no sex at all. If you can arrange for the kids to be away overnight, it gives you plenty of time to relax and set the stage for intimacy.

Sex is meant to be a natural part of a relationship. Just because you live with Chronic Pain doesn’t preclude you from being able to enjoy lovemaking with your partner. You might want to try some of these products to bring a new spark to your bed (or living room or bathroom or…)

Kiss Me Massage Oil

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Lynk Anal Lubricant

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Kegel Exercisor and App

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Female Stimulant

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Personal Wand Massager

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Personal Portable Vibrator

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Love Worth Making – an Intimacy Book

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Remember,

There Is Always Hope

Chronic Pain Is A Thief (And How You Can Stop It)

If you live with Chronic Pain, or know someone who does, you probably know that there’s a lot that is missing from life. Chronic Pain is a thief – it takes from so many areas of your existance, but rarely gives back. I want to talk about this in more detail, so we can hopefully find ways of fighting back.

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Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

Chronic Pain Robs You Of Your Daily Life

Chronic Pain affects every aspect of your health, from the conditions that cause the pain to your everyday normal functions. Moving, exercising, taking care of the house or children…all of these are extremely difficult with Chronic Pain and often something has to suffer in order to get through each day. Perhaps you use more processed foods in your cooking instead of “from scratch” meals. Maybe the laundry goes unwashed for another day so you can spend time with your kids. Whatever the situation for you, you still have to deal with the fact that Chronic Pain has changed your daily life.

Chronic Pain Robs You Of Your Sleep

Painsomnia is the term used for Insomnia that is caused by pain. When you can’t sleep, you effectively lose your ability to function well the next day. Pain at night keeps you from getting the refreshing REM sleep that is so necessary to repairing the body.

There are medications that you can take to enhance your sleep, but they often don’t work and even when they do, you can end up groggy in the morning and feeling “hungover”. That feeling, combined with pain, makes for a difficult day indeed.

Chronic Pain Robs You Of Contributing To Society

If you live with Chronic Pain you may find that you have to give up your job or hobbies in order to function. It can be very demoralizing to leave a career you love or a job that you’ve worked at for an extended period of time. I went on disability in 2009 because pain and brain fog robbed me of the essential skills I needed to do my job well. I was at the top of my career as an Administrative Specialist and Event Planner, and was working at a great company with lots of potential for my future.

After too much time taken off because of health issues, I realized I wasn’t doing anyone any favours by staying at work, so went on short term disability that ultimately ended up becoming long term disability. I was devastated to leave work, but my HR team was helpful and encouraging and made the process easy for me. It took me awhile to realize I was never going to be able to go back to work, but oh, how I cried when it finally hit me.

If you are a volunteer or have special hobbies, you may find you’ve had to give them up as well. It’s hard to watch the world go on while you’re stuck in limbo. Even when you push yourself to maintain a working life or hobbies, you still have to deal with the reality of pain on a daily basis and that makes everything more difficult to manage.

Chronic Pain Robs You Of A Social Life

Living with Chronic Pain makes it hard to socialize with others. When you’re no longer involved in your regular activities such as work or hobbies, you tend to not be invited out to social gatherings with the gang. Even when you are invited, you may struggle to attend functions, or if you do attend, you pay the price for days (or weeks) afterwards.

Sometimes it’s easier to say no to something, knowing how you will end up feeling, but doing so puts you at risk of not being invited to events in the future. It’s a Catch-22 and there is no right answer for how to manage.

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Image by Michal Jarmoluk from Pixabay

Chronic Pain Robs You Of Companionship

If you are in a relationship, Chronic Pain can rob you of the companionship you used to enjoy with your partner. You may have given up work or hobbies, so you have less to talk about, and it’s hard to hear how well someone else is doing when you’re suffering on your own. Sex can become painful and thereby less frequent and intimacy starts to dwindle – even just cuddling can cause discomfort.

You may find your list of friends depleted because no one has time for you anymore. You’re not the same funny outgoing person you were and other people get tired of hearing about your struggles. When you have nothing new to add to the relationship, it slowly begins to die off and the effort of maintaining friendships becomes too much. Especially if you’re not able to go out and socialize like you did in the past.

So how do you manage life with Chronic Pain? How do you navigate this new world that you live in?

Some people find that Chronic Pain strengthens their faith and seek solace with the religion they practice. I personally find that prayer really helps me when I’m struggling – I remember all that Jesus went through in His life and it puts things in perspective for me.

You may find that while you’re no longer able to work, you can manage some volunteer activity based on what it is, and what is being asked of you. I belong to 4 different committees that all have a health focus, but the time requirement for each is minimal. I’m able to attend meetings online when they happen and while I do travel to a different city for one of the meetings, getting out for the day/overnight can be refreshing for the time, even though I know I’ll pay for it later. Just being with grownups discussing how to solve problems helps me realize my brain isn’t dead and I still have a lot to contribute.

If you are no longer working, you may find yourself in a position where you can start a activity for the first time, or devote more time to a long-standing hobby. Even if you’re only able to start reading more or colouring or knitting, it’s something you weren’t able to manage before and that can be empowering. Learning a new hobby doesn’t have to be expensive or difficult, it just needs to be something that brings you joy.

When it comes to socializing, you may be happy to give up a whirlwind of activity and discover that you’re a homebody after all. Perhaps you invite people over to your place more often, instead of going out. You’re able to set the pace which helps you manage your Chronic Pain in a better way.

Chronic Pain is a thief, there’s no doubt about that, but with careful planning, you may be able to trap that thief and get back what’s been taken from you. A cheerful and positive spirit can go along way in helping with that. There’s simply no point in wallowing about the negatives in life as it serves no purpose and only makes you more miserable. Don’t let Chronic Pain rob you of your essential being. Fight back and try to find ways to incorporate joy into your life again. It’s the simple pleasures that give the most reward.

There Is Always Hope