Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Note: This post contains Affiliate Links which pay me a small percentage of your purchase price at no cost to you.

When you live with Chronic Pain, everything you do becomes a new challenge. Working, socializing, taking care of kids and/or a home – you still need to do it all and live your life, but now you have persistant pain as your constant companion. Often, you find yourself compromising or looking for better ways of doing things, so your pain isn’t exacerbated.

One of the areas of life with Chronic Pain which is often not talked about is intimacy and your sexual well-being. These are crucial components of a good relationship, but what happens when pain causes you to withdraw from sexual relations, and intimacy begins to suffer? Let’s talk about some of the reasons this happens and what can be done.

Difficulties with intimacy may stem from various causes, including increased pain during sexual activity, a lack of arousal and accompanying vaginal dryness, the inability to reach orgasm, side effects from the use of opioids and other commonly-used medications (eg, certain antidepressants), a past history of sexual abuse, and issues with communication in general.

Because of Chronic Pain, you may find your overall relationship has begun to suffer. A partner may withdraw from you because they don’t know how to help you. This translates to the bedroom, where they may be afraid to cause you more pain or they’re dealing with their own issues regarding your health. Perhaps your partner has become resentful of the extra burden placed on them with your inability to do certain chores now.

A change in standard routines can be upsetting for everyone and this may cause extra fatigue for you both, which also causes you to withdraw from intimacy. Sleep may be what you crave the most, and when your partner wants to have sex, it’s the last thing on your mind.

So how do you overcome these issues? What do you do to make sex more enjoyable for both of you? Here is an expanded list of ideas from a previous post that might be a good starting point.

  • Talk. Make a point of talking openly and honestly about what you are feeling. If there is fear about pain, talk about it and what you can do to alleviate any extra. If you feel disconnected from your partner because it’s been a long time since you last were intimate, talk about those feelings and what you’re worrying about. Do you have scars or extra weight that is causing you concern? Be honest about how you feel. It can be very vulnerable to speak the truth, but it often brings you closer to your partner in the long run.
  • Touch. Exploring your partner’s body through touch is an exciting way to express your sexual feelings. This can include holding hands, cuddling, fondling, stroking, massaging and kissing. Touch in any form increases feelings of intimacy.
  • Self-stimulation. Masturbation is a normal and healthy way to fulfil your sexual needs. One partner may use masturbation during mutual sexual activity if the other partner is unable to be very active.
  • Oral sex. It can be an alternative or supplement to traditional intercourse.
  • Toys. Use of various sex toys can help loosen inhibitions, relax the body and make intercourse more enjoyable.
  • Different positions. Lie side by side, kneel or sit. Look in your library or bookstore for a guide that describes and illustrates different ways to have intercourse. If you’re embarrassed to get this kind of book locally, try an online book retailer.
  • Vibrators and lubricants. A vibrator can add pleasure without physical exertion. If lack of natural lubrication is a problem, over-the-counter lubricants can prevent pain from vaginal dryness.
  • Pillows and wedges. Make use of pillows and wedges to help find comfortable positions that alleviate pressure points. A good sex shop can help you find products specifically made for this purpose.
  • Change your expectations. Because reaching orgasm can be almost impossible when you are on certain medications, you may find changing your expectations for sex will help you enjoy lovemaking more. Don’t make orgasm the ultimate goal…just enjoy sex for what it is – a pleasurable experience.
  • Ask for what you need. Listen to your body and what it’s telling you during sex. If certain activities make you feel better, do more of that. Lovemaking doesn’t always have to end in intercourse. Oral sex during a lovemaking session may be all that you desire, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
  • Prepare in Advance. It’s important for people with Chronic Pain to understand that sexual activity often takes a lot of planning. There is not as much spontaneity as there used to be. You may find you need to take your pain medication, apply heat, or stretch before sexual activity. This is also a good time to try increasing your arousal by reading erotica, watching a video, or having your partner give you a massage in the area of your pain.
  • Timing. Choose a time of day when you have less pain as a time to be sexually active. For some people as the day goes on, the pain gets worse, but the opposite also may be true for others. If you have kids, you may have to sneak away for a quickie, but even that is better than no sex at all. If you can arrange for the kids to be away overnight, it gives you plenty of time to relax and set the stage for intimacy.

Sex is meant to be a natural part of a relationship. Just because you live with Chronic Pain doesn’t preclude you from being able to enjoy lovemaking with your partner. You might want to try some of these products to bring a new spark to your bed (or living room or bathroom or…)

Kiss Me Massage Oil

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Lynk Anal Lubricant

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Kegel Exercisor and App

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Female Stimulant

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Personal Wand Massager

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Personal Portable Vibrator

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Love Worth Making – an Intimacy Book

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Remember,

There Is Always Hope

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Chronic Pain Is A Thief (And How You Can Stop It)

If you live with Chronic Pain, or know someone who does, you probably know that there’s a lot that is missing from life. Chronic Pain is a thief – it takes from so many areas of your existance, but rarely gives back. I want to talk about this in more detail, so we can hopefully find ways of fighting back.

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Image by mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

Chronic Pain Robs You Of Your Daily Life

Chronic Pain affects every aspect of your health, from the conditions that cause the pain to your everyday normal functions. Moving, exercising, taking care of the house or children…all of these are extremely difficult with Chronic Pain and often something has to suffer in order to get through each day. Perhaps you use more processed foods in your cooking instead of “from scratch” meals. Maybe the laundry goes unwashed for another day so you can spend time with your kids. Whatever the situation for you, you still have to deal with the fact that Chronic Pain has changed your daily life.

Chronic Pain Robs You Of Your Sleep

Painsomnia is the term used for Insomnia that is caused by pain. When you can’t sleep, you effectively lose your ability to function well the next day. Pain at night keeps you from getting the refreshing REM sleep that is so necessary to repairing the body.

There are medications that you can take to enhance your sleep, but they often don’t work and even when they do, you can end up groggy in the morning and feeling “hungover”. That feeling, combined with pain, makes for a difficult day indeed.

Chronic Pain Robs You Of Contributing To Society

If you live with Chronic Pain you may find that you have to give up your job or hobbies in order to function. It can be very demoralizing to leave a career you love or a job that you’ve worked at for an extended period of time. I went on disability in 2009 because pain and brain fog robbed me of the essential skills I needed to do my job well. I was at the top of my career as an Administrative Specialist and Event Planner, and was working at a great company with lots of potential for my future.

After too much time taken off because of health issues, I realized I wasn’t doing anyone any favours by staying at work, so went on short term disability that ultimately ended up becoming long term disability. I was devastated to leave work, but my HR team was helpful and encouraging and made the process easy for me. It took me awhile to realize I was never going to be able to go back to work, but oh, how I cried when it finally hit me.

If you are a volunteer or have special hobbies, you may find you’ve had to give them up as well. It’s hard to watch the world go on while you’re stuck in limbo. Even when you push yourself to maintain a working life or hobbies, you still have to deal with the reality of pain on a daily basis and that makes everything more difficult to manage.

Chronic Pain Robs You Of A Social Life

Living with Chronic Pain makes it hard to socialize with others. When you’re no longer involved in your regular activities such as work or hobbies, you tend to not be invited out to social gatherings with the gang. Even when you are invited, you may struggle to attend functions, or if you do attend, you pay the price for days (or weeks) afterwards.

Sometimes it’s easier to say no to something, knowing how you will end up feeling, but doing so puts you at risk of not being invited to events in the future. It’s a Catch-22 and there is no right answer for how to manage.

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Image by Michal Jarmoluk from Pixabay

Chronic Pain Robs You Of Companionship

If you are in a relationship, Chronic Pain can rob you of the companionship you used to enjoy with your partner. You may have given up work or hobbies, so you have less to talk about, and it’s hard to hear how well someone else is doing when you’re suffering on your own. Sex can become painful and thereby less frequent and intimacy starts to dwindle – even just cuddling can cause discomfort.

You may find your list of friends depleted because no one has time for you anymore. You’re not the same funny outgoing person you were and other people get tired of hearing about your struggles. When you have nothing new to add to the relationship, it slowly begins to die off and the effort of maintaining friendships becomes too much. Especially if you’re not able to go out and socialize like you did in the past.

So how do you manage life with Chronic Pain? How do you navigate this new world that you live in?

Some people find that Chronic Pain strengthens their faith and seek solace with the religion they practice. I personally find that prayer really helps me when I’m struggling – I remember all that Jesus went through in His life and it puts things in perspective for me.

You may find that while you’re no longer able to work, you can manage some volunteer activity based on what it is, and what is being asked of you. I belong to 4 different committees that all have a health focus, but the time requirement for each is minimal. I’m able to attend meetings online when they happen and while I do travel to a different city for one of the meetings, getting out for the day/overnight can be refreshing for the time, even though I know I’ll pay for it later. Just being with grownups discussing how to solve problems helps me realize my brain isn’t dead and I still have a lot to contribute.

If you are no longer working, you may find yourself in a position where you can start a activity for the first time, or devote more time to a long-standing hobby. Even if you’re only able to start reading more or colouring or knitting, it’s something you weren’t able to manage before and that can be empowering. Learning a new hobby doesn’t have to be expensive or difficult, it just needs to be something that brings you joy.

When it comes to socializing, you may be happy to give up a whirlwind of activity and discover that you’re a homebody after all. Perhaps you invite people over to your place more often, instead of going out. You’re able to set the pace which helps you manage your Chronic Pain in a better way.

Chronic Pain is a thief, there’s no doubt about that, but with careful planning, you may be able to trap that thief and get back what’s been taken from you. A cheerful and positive spirit can go along way in helping with that. There’s simply no point in wallowing about the negatives in life as it serves no purpose and only makes you more miserable. Don’t let Chronic Pain rob you of your essential being. Fight back and try to find ways to incorporate joy into your life again. It’s the simple pleasures that give the most reward.

There Is Always Hope

 

It’s Okay To Be Angry About Chronic Illness (I Am!)

Note: This post contains Affiliate Links which pay me a small percentage of your purchase price at no cost to you.

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Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

The Beginning

I want to tackle a hard subject today…the emotions that surround living with a Chronic Illness. Every day, we survive the physical pain, but we don’t always talk about the emotional pain that comes with being ill. Let’s change that now. 

When I first started feeling the effects of Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis along with my other Chronic Illnesses, I was generally able to function without a lot of changes in my life. I needed some pain medication but found that it helped and didn’t really alter my life, so ended up having some fairly easy years after my initial diagnosis. 

After a period of time, the medication needed to be increased and new drugs had to be introduced to help combat the increasing pain and symptoms. I started taking Lyrica for my Fibro  – a drug that saw me gain 40lbs in 3 months. This is when I first realized that having Chronic Illness was affecting me mentally – I was pissed about the weight gain but resigned to the fact I’d have to live with it. Thankfully my doctor worked with me to find Cymbalta instead and I managed to lose most of the weight I had gained. 

Thus began a pattern where the drugs would work for a while and then lose their effectiveness, necessitating an increase or change in meds, which triggered more anger and emotion. It was a vicious circle…I just wanted to be rid of the pain I was in, but it was getting harder and harder. The side effects of the various meds being introduced were also debilitating and my anger grew at what my body was putting me through. 

As Things Changed

Then came the point where my body had become so broken down that I needed to leave my job and go on long term disability. I can still remember to this day, 10 years later, how incredibly disappointed in myself I was. My body had betrayed me in every way possible. I was at the top of my career with the opportunity to move into some dream roles and suddenly that was all snatched away from me. Devastated doesn’t even begin to come close to how I felt and I ended up in a depression that was hard to come back from. 

It took me a long time to realize that my feelings were valid and I was entitled to feel how I felt. I thought I had to suck it up for everyone around me, and that just wasn’t a place I was ready for. I hadn’t processed my emotions, and they felt just as raw a year later as they had when I first left work. It was only through taking some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) classes that I started to see how I could validate my feelings yet work through them and come out stronger. 

Having these strong emotions was scary though because I couldn’t separate them at first from the actions of being in pain, and just feeling like a failure as a person. It took time to realize that I had not failed, but my body had. Two very different things. By recognizing the difference, I was able to start accepting that I was not a bad person and that I had done nothing to cause this to happen.

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Image by Sarah Lötscher from Pixabay 

It’s Not Your Fault

I didn’t ask for Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue. I was simply unlucky enough to be a person to have to live with these conditions and that meant I had to find a healthier way of dealing with the emotions this generated. I was not unreliable, my health caused my reliability to suffer. My worth was not just because of my job, but by virtue of simply being here. I was still a good person who had something bad happen to her. 

Do you see where I’m coming from and what I’m trying to say? Just because you have a Chronic Illness doesn’t make you a bad person. This condition has happened to you and changed you, against your will. Learning how to live with it becomes the new normal. Once I recognized this, I was able to take a step back and start taking my life back again. 

Making Changes

I worked with my doctor to find a treatment plan that benefited me. This included some medication changes and additions, as well as adding healthy new components to my life such as meditation, music therapy, gentle exercise, stretching, beginners yoga and balancing my eating habits. I stopped feeling guilty when I had to cancel or change plans because Illness took over. I couldn’t help it when those things happened, so why blame myself? I put the blame where it belonged…on my Illnesses, and left it there. 

I was blessed to be able to start this blog, so I could reach out to others with Chronic Pain conditions and help them navigate their way through their experiences. It was very empowering for me and I gained back huge amounts of confidence as I wrote articles and posts. Knowing I was reaching others and actually helping them was a huge confidence booster. 

I also found myself able to start volunteering again, and now sit on 4 different committees, all devoted to aspects of health care. I am a member of a Provincial Measurement Working Group, creating a survey for patients in BC, Canada about their ER experiences. I continue to seek out new opportunities to volunteer and was recently nominated for two WEGO Health Awards – one for Best in Show: Blog and one for Best Kept Secret (regarding my blog). You can click here for more information about my nominations. 

To wrap this up, I want to reiterate that I think it’s important to sit with your feelings on a regular basis when you live with Chronic Illness. If you need the help of a professional therapist to process what you’re going through, do it. There’s no shame and definitely no harm in learning how to deal with all the emotions that come with a Chronic condition. In fact, I highly recommend it as a part of your overall treatment plan. 

We go through so much on a daily basis that the notion we’re not affected emotionally is ludicrous. Don’t fall into the trap of being “stoic” and taking the attitude that you can handle things on your own if you truly can’t. Reach out for help, whether it be a professional, a friend, or a spiritual advisor. The peace of mind of knowing you’re not alone in your feelings is precious. And remember…

There Is Always Hope

 

 

Coping With Loneliness When You Have Fibromyalgia

The Problem of Loneliness

Chronic pain and Invisible Illness are difficult conditions to live with and can lead to social withdrawal and loneliness. When you get sick, not only do you have to process and deal with things like surgeries, recovery, medications, new symptoms and flare-ups but socially you may have to give up hobbies and activities you once loved, making it hard to nurture friendships and relationships with those close to you.

 

It’s hard for those who love you to understand why you might have to cancel plans last minute or leave during the middle of the evening. Because they’ve never experienced what you’re going through, it’s hard to have a frame of reference. Unless you’ve lived it, it’s impossible to make others understand.

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Social Isolation Is Serious

Because of these changes that we have to make – like leaving in the middle of something or cancelling plans – we open ourselves up to feelings of social isolation, depression and anxiety and guilt.

Social isolation is defined as an occurrence when a person lacks opportunities to interact with people while loneliness is the subjective experience of distress over not having enough social relationships or enough contact with people. It is possible for a person with a chronic illness to be socially isolated and not feel lonely and someone with a chronic illness can feel lonely, while not being socially isolated. There are several issues that people with chronic illness face that can lead to social isolation and feeling lonely:

  • Disbelief from others when you don’t have a clear diagnosis
  • Physical limitations due to pain or fatigue
  • The unpredictability of symptom onset
  • The trigger of symptoms related to noises, smells, etc.
  • Lack of a strong support system (Family and/or Friends)
  • Changes in employment or financial stability
  • Loss of hobbies and outside activities

Social isolation and feeling lonely are important health problems and should not be overlooked. The chronic illness population is at an even higher risk for social isolation and this problem should be addressed with your Doctor along with other symptoms and risk factors.

What You Can Do About It

When you are socially isolated and have feelings of loneliness, it can actually make your chronic illness worse. The longer you are experiencing isolation or loneliness, the more you start to develop feelings of shame, guilt, inadequacy, distrust and abandonment toward yourself and others. The more these feelings grow, the less likely you are to seek out real human connections.

So what can you do when you start having these feelings?

1. Recognize loneliness for what it is, and accept that you have these feelings. Self-awareness is important in making positive changes. When you catch yourself falling into old habits, you’ll be able to more quickly turn things around.

2. Use Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) to help reframe your thoughts to become more positive and open to socialization. This can be done with the help of a therapist or through online courses and over time, can be very effective.

3. Resist the temptation to isolate yourself and start forcing yourself to recognize if this is your “go-to response. Deliberately try doing the opposite of what you’re feeling – instead of retreating into watching TV, take a walk or pick up the phone and call someone. The more you resist the temptation to isolate, the easier it becomes

4. Fill your life with loving positive people who are patient and trustworthy and who truly try to understand what you are going through. They will be your encouragers and biggest support system. Remove negative people from your life…you don’t need their energy.

5. Try one new thing each week that will get you to meet new people. Try an art class, go to yoga, volunteer… anything that will get you to meet new people who like doing things that you like to do.

6. Seek out a support group for your illness. This is a great way to meet people who really do understand what you’re going through. Even an online group is fine to get started as being with like-minded people will help to engage you instead of isolating you.

7. Ask for what you need in your life. Don’t feel you’re being a burden on others…when someone asks what they can do for you to help, they genuinely want to help. Let them…give them the opportunity to be of service to you. Perhaps it’s to invite you out for coffee once a week or to go take a class together. You’ll be helping them as much as they will be helping you.

8. Consider therapy. It can help you explore any deeper issues that might be contributing to loneliness or social isolation. Therapy can also be a great accountability and skills training support to help you manage all of the difficult things you are going through in a safe way.

Remember, 

There Is Always Hope

The Creative Side Of Chronic Pain

Some of the most creative people in the world live with Chronic Pain or some type of health challenge. I know, because I’ve gathered a bunch of them together to showcase their talents, right here. Read on!

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Meet Julianne Ryan

Julianne is currently working as an art mentor for an artist with disabilities whilst volunteering her time to Mixed Palette Inc. an inclusive art group in Rockingham.

Julianne uses natural substrates, wood panels and recycled papers and works mostly with watercolour, ink and pencil to create depictions of feelings and experiences. Her latest works are multilayered with overlapping images that explore her experiences of chronic illness while correspondingly relating to her connection with nature. She also produces digital drawings, illustrations of birds and poetry that link to her memories, experiences and to current wellness practices.

She is currently working towards her first solo exhibition to be held at Forest Heritage Centre Gallery, Dwellingup in July/August.

Here are four samples of her amazing art:

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Art created with Inktense pencil, ink and watercolour on wood panel

Undergrowth series: Inktense pencil, ink and watercolour on wood panel

Julianne can be contacted via Instagram and through the website at Living With Functional Neurological Disorder . She is a proud supporter of this particular charity.

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Meet Christalle Bodiford

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Christalle Bodiford is an artist, advocate, writer, and adventure seeker. As an entrepreneur diagnosed with epilepsy, Christalle brings a unique perspective of empowerment that inspires others to embrace a positive mindset and live with purpose. When she’s not writing or advocating, Christalle enjoys puppy snuggles with her scruffy terrier and outdoor adventures with her husband.

Christalle was recently featured on this blog as one of my Interviewees for Interview April. Read more about her here.

Here are some examples of the work she’s done on her incredible book:

Woosah Warrior Mockup

Christalle has provided this next page as one you can print out and colour:

Woosah Warrior Cover Coloring Page-01

For more information, please visit Christalle at her website. She supports the Epilepsy Foundation which can be reached here.

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Meet deni

deni weber is a 67-year-old psychologist turned artist after major traumatic life events triggered multiple chronic illnesses.  A Christ-follower, she uses her God-given gifts of creativity to help and encourage others as well as provide healing for herself, while recovering from limbic system traumas. Formerly bed-ridden for years, she is now finding healing using neuroplasticity techniques – creativity being a major healing component.  She is an artist, singer-songwriter, and writer having several unpublished novels and screenplays hiding in a drawer. Giving credit to God, she declares her works are, “by His grace, and for His glory.”

Here are some examples of deni’s work:

“Welcome to My Garden Series – Purple Butterflies” Acrylics on Linen Canvas – 2.5” x 3.5”

 

“Forgiven” Graphite on 140# Cold Press, 12” x 12”

 

“Hidden in the Woods” PanPastel on Colourfix Board 2.5” x 3.5”

 

Please visit deni on her website to view more of her work. She’s also a huge supporter of The Flute Maker Ministries.

 

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Meet Alisha

Alisha Nurse is a trained broadcast journalist, and enjoys sharing stories. She lives with various chronic health problems including fibromyalgia, depression, anxiety, complex post traumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder. These often challenge her creativity but they’ve also been her greatest inspiration to tell stories that make a difference.

She is interested in stories that change the narrative about ethnic minorities, chronically unwell people and those often cast on the sidelines.

Her favourite things include cheese, curries, and interacting with the world around her.

She has graciously allowed me to share one of her poems here:

~~~~~~

I do not recognise myself standing in the many shadows of you.
You, towering, all-consuming, ever present but hidden away,
in plain sight.
Yet I feel you in every part of me. Trying to become me.

Not all monsters lurk like you.
Once awakened, you thrive, clamour, steal, reverberate …through the length and breath of my mortal body,
Silently leaving deadly, indelible traces of your mark, like on a cracked egg, ready to fall apart,
any, anytime now, but still holding itself together as the lines spread and spread,
Until I am finally broken.

Your crack lines emerge in places impossible.
From earthen shell to the soul and heartland of me.
Breaking, smashing, pillaging anything and everything, until I am nothing of my former self; nothing of possible Me(s).

But even broken things can be beautiful.
With floods of tears and streams of blood I shall, I shall put me back together again.
I emerge not the ‘Me’ that once was, was to be or had been imagined with dreams for the future.

I rise as someone, something else entirely–Pained but persevering. Flawed but fluid. Broken but beautiful and believing that I shall conquer.
I am and will be the ‘Me’ that never was imagined.
I am the ‘Me’ that’s emerged from the ashes of pain.
I will not fit your cardboard cutouts or your nicely stencilled stereotypes.

And I am not sorry.

To survive, I change. Constantly.
As the monster morphs so will I – imperfect still, but ready to give bloody hell in all battles to come.

~~~~~

Wow! That’s powerful. To find out more about Alisha, visit her website. She blogs about overcoming chronic illness on www.theinvisiblef.com and shares other fictional works on www.alishanurse.com

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Meet Chrissy Joy Bell

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Meet Chrissy Joy Bell. She lives in Columbus, Oh, USA. and says “I’m married to an awesome guy named Ryan. I received a fibromyalgia diagnosis in 2008 after a serious illness, and I live with chronic migraine. I own a hand made business where I create all sorts of fun and snuggly things out of yarn. I originally used creativity to handle the changes that were happening in my life. Now it gives me a serious sense of fulfillment to know “Hey, I made that!””

Most recently Chrissy self published a coloring book of hand drawn mandalas, a project she began for her own enjoyment that others are now also sharing with her. My hopes for the future are to continue making, and to help others understand their journey in life and with chronic illness.

Here are some examples of the different work that Chrissy has done: 

Can with crocheted

Can Cozy

Crocheted animal

A Favourite Friend

Black & White Mandala

Mandala designed by Chrissy

See more of Chrissy’s work at The Pink Woobie or learn more about her at Find Joy Be Well

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Meet Sergio Garcia

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Description: Sergio Garcia is a Writer at Travelevil.com , he is a music, travel and writing lover, can’t stop thinking about the new article to publish. Sergio believes that travel can heal both soul and body, this is why he joined Travelevil community where both writers and readers share their stories and exchange knowledge about the various travel experience they had in the past.
Beside Blogging and Marketing, Sergio is a certified scuba diver, another world that a lot of people need to discover and enjoy.

Here are some of his favourite photos to share:

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You can reach Sergio via email at travelevil.com@gmail.com 

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I am in serious awe of these talented people! I hope you are too! Please feel free to leave your comments about their work as each of them will be happy to answer questions as well. 

And what about you? How do you show your creativity, whether you live with Chronic Illness or not?  Share in the comments and tell us what you like to do. 

If you’d like to be considered for a future post showcasing even more talent, please fill out the contact form found here and let me know. I’ll be in touch to discuss a second post for later in the year. 

Thank you for joining me. Remember…

There is always hope

It’s Time To Talk About Spiritual Beliefs

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If you live with Chronic Pain or an Invisible Illness, has someone ever said to you “I’ll pray for you” or “You’re in my prayers”?  What does that mean to you? Do you have Spiritual Beliefs that make those prayers easy to accept? Do you believe in a Higher Power? In God? Or do you believe that when we die, that’s it…there is nothing afterwards. No afterlife, no Heaven or Hell, no God of any type?

I am a Christ Follower. I call myself that because too many things have been done by “Christians” in the name of Christ that taint the Holy name, and I refuse to be associated with them. I’d rather try to live my life the way Christ modelled it, and so being a Christ Follower is a much better way of describing my religious leanings. I believe that He is the only way to Eternal Life and I believe in Heaven and Hell. I don’t talk about this often and almost never in public, but when I say I’ll be praying for you, trust me…I WILL be praying for you.

I also believe that everyone has a right to their own beliefs, and I will never push my beliefs on anyone else. If you want to talk about God with me, I’m happy to do so, but I won’t raise the subject first. It’s not that I’m shy or embarrassed about God, but more that I’m respectful of others, and I prefer to wait to discuss religion until the subject is brought up by others first. I am definitely NOT an Evangelist.

So, why am I talking about it now? Well, the reason is that the question came up in a Chronic Pain forum I belong to when someone asked the forum members “do you have Spiritual beliefs that help you cope?”.

I haven’t seen anyone else answer yet, but I wanted to share my response. Yes, I have a God who loves me dearly and who has a plan for my life. Right now, that plan includes me living with Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue from the many conditions I deal with. I think the plan includes these illnesses because He’s using me to help others, through my blog and my volunteer and advocacy work. What type of volunteer and advocacy work do I do?

I work as a Patient Advocate for a group in BC, Canada where I live called the Patient Voices Network.

Patient Partner Logo, Patient Voices Network

Anyone in the Province can join, and it’s designed for ordinary people to have a say in how Health Care is delivered in the Province. Through my involvement, I am currently sitting on 4 committees, plus assisting on a project involving virtual reality and connecting with your doctor, and helping one Provincial Working Group where we are designing a survey to measure Patient satisfaction with their experiences in the Emergency Department and subsequent transfer to an Acute Ward before going home.

The committees I sit on do such work as:

  • Laboratory Quality Control
  • Updating Patient Information Sheets for discharge from Emergency Rooms
  • Quality Improvement Measures for Surgeons
  • The Oversight & Advisory Committee for the Patient Voices Network

I also had the honour of being part of The 2017 Canadian Guideline for Opioids for Chronic Non-Cancer Pain. I recently took part in a “Research for Canadian Anesthesiology” conference and I’m hoping to soon be a Facilitator of a Pain Management Support group. 

So as you can see, my work is wide and varied and brings me together with many different people on a regular basis. I’m often asked “why” do I do what I do. Why do I volunteer my time to all these causes when my own health is so compromised and the truth is, it’s complicated.

I get a lot out of volunteering and blogging. It helps me stay relevant in the world around me. I get to utilize the skills I had while I was still able to work. I like to help people, and I genuinely care about others, especially those who are experiencing the same types of health conditions that I have. And yes, there is a spiritual component to it for me as well. It feels good for me to give back, to help my neighbour, just as Jesus commands me to do in the Bible. To love one another. This is how I show my love. I don’t see it as a duty at all, it just happens to be something I’m passionate about (another blessing from God) and something that’s easy for me to follow.

It’s also these Spiritual beliefs that help me deal with my own Chronic Pain on a day to day basis. I couldn’t do this alone, there’s no way I could live my life every day without God’s help. I put my trust in the Lord to get me through every day…and this is the part that confuses people or scares them off or makes them suspicious. How do you “put your trust in Jesus”?  How does the Lord make things better?

Well, I’d be lying if I said I had the answer to that. All I know is that when I gave my life to Christ in 2001, I made a decision to trust Him, that He would always be there for me, and I’ve never once regretted it. When my pain is that the worst, I know that He suffered more and that He understands. He is with me in my agony and will never leave me. It helps to know that and makes dealing with it easier. I know that He weeps for me. So why doesn’t He heal me?? Because He has a bigger plan for me and I GET THAT. I know I can’t see His plan, but I TRUST HIM. And while I wait, I make the most of my time here instead of wallowing and crying and whimpering about. He gives me the strength to do that and I do my best not to let Him down.

It’s all about Faith my friends. You either have it or you don’t. No one can force you to have faith; it comes from the heart and it’s between you and Him. I believe that God is taking care of me, that His plan is the best plan and that one day, either here on Earth or in Heaven, I’ll find out exactly what that plan is. I’m content to wait until it’s revealed to me. And in the meantime, I’ll keep doing what I’m doing, helping others as best I can, following His guidance. I covet the prayers of others, and if you ask me to pray for you, I will. Heck, I’ll pray for you even if you don’t ask. And if you ask me to take my religion somewhere where the sun don’t shine, I’ll respect your request.

Spiritual beliefs are tricky but they don’t have to be. It’s all about respect for each other, keeping an open mind, and loving your neighbour. Remember…

There is always hope

Changing Doctors When You’re Chronically Ill

For those with “invisible” illness, it’s difficult to find a doctor who believes you’re sick – not just depressed, not just anxious, not just tired – but sick.

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So what happens when you find that Physician and then they move on?

I started out by seeing a Naturopathic Doctor in Victoria because I needed nutritional care. My previous doctor had supplied me with enough of my prescriptions to last for 3 months, so that wasn’t as big a concern for me. Dr. Holewa let me know that a new GP would be opening his practice in the same clinic she was located and I called to be put on the waiting list to belong…news about the new doctor had already started circulating in the community and everyone was signing up! 

I was still able to get an appointment though, for the last day before the Christmas holidays in 2013. It was basically an interview between the Doctor and me, to see if we were a fit and if he was willing to take me on as a patient, given my challenging health history. Dr. Leong and I really hit it off and he agreed to accept me into his practice (along with my husband). What a relief!

Now, I don’t know what it’s like to try and find a doctor where you live. If you are in the USA, I believe it’s fairly easy. The problem is finding the RIGHT doctor…one who meshes with you in terms of beliefs and who blends with your personality. You want strong medical knowledge, a good office staff, decent parking and hours and the feeling that you’ve found “the best” when you see him/her. I found all of that with Dr. Leong and so we began a 5-year patient/doctor relationship that took us through all my health problems, including my hip replacement, brush with skin cancer and more. And then one day, he told me he was leaving the practice and moving to a smaller town up-Island. 

 

Closing The Practice

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The word I heard most from his other patients has been “devastating,” I absolutely concurred. Dr. Leong was highly respected and well loved and the thought of being without him was almost too much to take in. His main reason for leaving was that he wanted to live in a smaller town, and at first, I thought I would simply continue to see him, as his new practice was only a 30-minute drive away. The reality though was that there were no buses that took me there and I would be forever reliant on my husband taking time off work to drive me. That just wasn’t feasible so not only was I losing a good Doctor, I was going to have to find a new one too (there were no plans to replace him in the clinic). 

What’s the big deal? Well, as I said, there is a shortage of doctors in my Province. Recommendations filled my email, but the fact was no other doctor in town was taking on new patients. It looked like most of us were going to be resigned to using Urgent Care for our medical treatment. The thought of that filled me with dismay. I needed a good working relationship with my Doctor because of my history and that simply wouldn’t happen in an Urgent Care facility. 

Then one day, about three weeks after first receiving the news, word came from the office receptionist that there was a new doctor in town who would be taking on a limited number of new patients. My clinic’s receptionist faxed the referral to the office where this new Doctor would be setting up – not that far from where I was currently going. It seemed that this Doctor had requested from several medical offices that they send their “best patients” to her…and I was one of them! Dr. Penny Wilson agreed to take me on along with my husband! What a relief!! She is here for a year from Australia but promised that if she decided to go back home at the end of the year, one of the other doctors in the new clinic would take us on. My relief was immense.

 

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Conclusion

For those of you who are going through this situation right now, you have my sympathy and my empathy. It can be frightening to be left without a safety net. Keep asking at other offices about being put on a waiting list, and check with your family and friends to see if their doctor can take you on because of your relationship and closeness.

So what DO you do when your doctor leaves and there is no doctor to take over? I wish I had an answer for that. Many doctors have replacements come in when they leave, or the clinic they are leaving hires someone new. When that’s not in the works, you can be left scrambling and in the case of being a Patient with Chronic Pain, that’s so frustrating. Frequent visits are normal because of medication changes, new symptoms to be checked and old symptoms revisited. My best advice is to check with the Doctor who is leaving and ask if there is a succession plan. What do THEY recommend you do?

Having a Doctor leave his practice is a scary prospect. I hope that you never find yourself in the same position I was in, but if you do…I hope it works out well like it did for me. Keep the faith…remember,

There is always hope 

25 Inspirational Quotes

From time to time, I like to share quotes that I think are beautiful, to help inspire my readers or just make you think. Here are 25 of the most inspirational quotes I’ve found lately to share with you today. 

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  1. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?
    Marianne Williamson.
  2. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
    Dale Carnegie.
  3. Anyone can give up; it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, that’s true strength.
    Chris Bradford.
  4. Life is full of screwups. You’re supposed to fail sometimes. It’s a required part of the human existence.
    Sarah Dessen.
  5. Hard times don’t create heroes. It is during the hard times when the hero within us is revealed.
    Bob Riley.4
  6. When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven’t.
    Thomas A. Edison.
  7. You can play it safe, and I wouldn’t blame you for it. You can continue as you’ve been doing, and you’ll survive, but is that what you want? Is that enough?
    J.M. Darhower.
  8. Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
    Neil Gaiman.
  9. Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
    Louisa May.
  10. Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals.
    If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.
    Roy T. Bennett.5
  11. It’s not about perfect. It’s about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs.
    Jillian Michaels.
  12. Reach high, for stars lie hidden in you. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.
    Rabindranath Tagore.
  13. Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.
    Jamie Paolinetti.
  14. When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
    Harriet Beecher Stowe.
  15. You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.
    Richelle E. Goodrich.7
  16. You never know what’s around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you’ve climbed a mountain.
    Tom Hiddleston.
  17. If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.
    Flavia Weedn.
  18. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.
    Marilyn Monroe.
  19. Don’t let something make you miserable if you can do something about it. If that’s what makes you happy, go for it.
    Kate Brauning.
  20. A boat is always safe in the harbor, but that’s not what boats are built for.
    Katie Couric.
  21. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
    Mark Twain.
  22. Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have NEVER gotten you even a single step closer to your goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better and go EARN it!
    Steve Maraboli.
  23. I don’t believe in failure, because simply by saying you’ve failed, you’ve admitted you attempted. And anyone who attempts is not a failure. Those who truly fail in my eyes are the ones who never try at all. The ones who sit on the couch and whine and moan and wait for the world to change for them.
    Sarah Dessen.
  24. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.
    Unknown.
  25. Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
    Harriet Tubman.6


there is always hope

 

 

10 Things I’ve Learned About Chronic Pain

If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I live with Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue. My pain comes from Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis in all my major joints, Myofascial Pain, a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia, Diabetes (and Neuropathy that comes from that), Pelvic Adhesions, a spinal condition called Forestier’s Disease, aka D.I.S.H. which stands for Diffuse Idiopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis, Gastroparesis and several other medical conditions.

The author showing various pictures of her face in pain

My many faces of pain

I’ve been living with Chronic pain for over 30 years now, from the time I was a teen, and I’ve learned a few things in those years. I’d like to share 10 of those things with you now.

1. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE

No matter how long I’ve been in pain for, I’ve never given up hope that things are going to get better. Some days I have are pure agony. Some days are pure delight. I cling to the good days as a reminder that things can be better and often are. There is always hope.

2. A GOOD DOCTOR IS TO BE TREASURED

Doctors have a hard time treating patients with chronic pain because they haven’t been trained well. They’re trained to diagnose a problem and solve it, so chronic pain is frustrating for them as well. If you don’t have a sympathetic doctor who is doing everything they can for you, find another doctor. When you do find one, be honest with them. Share everything…your depression, your anger, your worries. A good doctor wants to help you, but if you can’t share with them, you’re not giving them the chance to do all they can.

3. SUPPORT GROUPS AREN’T RIGHT FOR EVERYONE

Some people thrive in a support group. Others tend to get tired of the constant back patting and “Oh my gawd, I’m so sorry” conversations. Some are in the middle. I think a support group can be a great thing, as long as it’s the right fit. You want a group where you can feel heard and valued while offering support to the others as well – not just a one-way street. I also think it’s important to not jump into every group you hear about. That just becomes confusing and almost like a competition, to see how much sympathy you can drum up. You have to be willing to give back and you can’t forge honest relationships with people when you’re in a dozen active groups in my opinion. Unless that’s all you do all day long. And if that’s the case, I feel sorry for you, because you’re obviously not getting something you truly need.

4. CHRONIC PAIN IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO EXPLAIN TO OTHERS

Despite having great tools like the Spoon Theory and the Battery Analogy to talk about how much energy it costs us to live with chronic pain, it’s almost impossible to get others to understand what it’s like to live with chronic pain day in and day out. Here’s the thing…THE PAIN NEVER GOES AWAY. I can’t make it any more clear than that. No matter what I’m doing, or not doing. I’m hurting. Sometimes I’m in agony, like when I get a Trigeminal Neuralgia Flare up. Try to imagine the last time you experienced brain freeze from eating/drinking something cold…do you remember that sensation? That agonizing pierce of pain in your brain?  Now try to imagine that same feeling but in your cheekbone…for 12 hours in a row. Can’t imagine it?? Go try and get brain freeze as a reminder. That’s what my TN flare-ups are like. They start in my cheekbone and spread to my sinus cavity and my eye, then down to my jaw, and to my esophagus. I get spasms in my throat and often I get chest pain as well. For 12 hours.

My Fibromyalgia pain feels like my limbs are in concrete…it’s a heavy throbbing sensation in my arms and legs that make them impossible to move. The Neuropathy I feel in my feet is like pins and needles that never go away. My back pain is so intolerable that I can’t sweep my floors for more than 5 minutes without my lower spine seizing up.

5. DID I MENTION, THE PAIN NEVER GOES AWAY.

Sometimes it lightens up a bit, maybe after I’ve had a rare good night’s sleep, but if I’ve done too much on a particular day, the next day will be agony. Every day is different, and I’ve learned that there is no rhyme or reason as to what might cause a flare and why some days are better than others. Even as I’m typing this, my hands and wrists are throbbing and I’m making more mistakes typing than I normally do. When I sleep, I have to make sure my fingers aren’t curled, or I’ll wake up and won’t be able to move them.

6. COMFORT ROUTINES FOR FLARE UP DAYS ARE LIFESAVERS

In order to combat chronic pain, you need to have an arsenal of weapons at your disposal. This can include medications, therapies like massage or chiropractic care, acupuncture, heat, cold, stretching, yoga, and other items that help you when your pain is flaring up. Warm fluffy blankets and socks, a TENS machine or massaging unit, a roll-on pain medication – whatever you find works for you is part of your comfort routine and it’s important that you use these items when needed before your pain becomes even worse.

Kitten resting in a fluffy blanket

7. PACING REALLY DOES WORK

One of the important things you learn when you have chronic pain is that you have a limited amount of energy and you have to pace yourself throughout the day/week, etc. in order to stay ahead of the pain. Pacing is critical in helping to prevent flare-ups or in helping to reduce the number of flare-ups you may experience. There comes a point when you may have to consider outside help for chores because you can’t do them all. Perhaps a teenage neighbour can help with cleaning or laundry or care in the garden. Maybe you decide to hire a cleaning service twice a month for a deep clean that you can’t get to. Whatever you need and whatever you decide, my best advice is to lose the guilt. It’s not your fault you have chronic pain. You do what you need to, in order to make your home a happy one again.

8. SLEEP IS A VERY GOOD THING

Most people with chronic pain struggle to get good sleep, just by the very nature of being in pain. Take the time to establish a good sleep routine and don’t be afraid to nap during the day if that’s what your body requires. Just sent a timer for no more than 90 minutes (one sleep cycle) and do it early enough that it won’t interfere with bedtime. If you need to ask your doctor about sleep medications, then ask. Don’t be afraid of them, but perhaps try the more natural solutions first, like melatonin. Your doctor can give you the best advice.

9. WE ARE ALL WARRIORS

Just by the mere fact you are reading this and identifying with it, you are a warrior. Living with chronic pain is no picnic my friend and those of us who do it struggle every single day of our lives. Some days are good, some days are bad and some days are too difficult to talk about. It takes a special kind of strength to manage chronic pain and life at the same time and I admire every single person out there who is doing it. You are a warrior.

10. I’VE FINALLY ACCEPTED MY BODY THE WAY IT IS

For all my bravado and positive spirit, it took me a long time to learn to love this pain-filled body of mine. When I was forced to leave my job at the top of my game in 2009 I was devastated. I didn’t think I’d ever be useful to anyone again and I sank into a deep depression over how my body had let me down. It took several years before I was able to accept that this truly was my “new normal” and that returning to work wasn’t going to happen for me. When I found myself in a place where my health had improved somewhat, and I felt I had something to give back, I started volunteering for the Patient Voices Network and that really helped me get back on my feet. I am able to take part in committee work again, but at a pace that works for me and my health. I’m better able to accept my body and all it’s medical failings because I’ve found ways to contribute again.

I’ve also been able to get involved in hobbies again such as crafting and reading. I’m learning how to crochet and do needlepoint, all things I didn’t have time for when I was too busy working. So accepting my limitations also opened the door to new things for me to try, which has been a blessing. Perhaps you’re in the same place now, ready to accept that this is your new normal, and it’s an okay place to be. If you’re going to be in pain anyways, doesn’t it make sense to accept it and find ways to make the best of it.

CONCLUSION

I’ve been blessed with a positive nature that has helped to get me through a lot of difficult situations in my life. Chronic pain and my medical conditions are part of that. I believe in God and trust Jesus every day to be there for me. I have wonderful family and friends who have been so supportive of me. I belong to a great support group online that genuinely cares about me. More than anything though, and as my first point says,

There is always hope

Interview April – Jennifer Purrvis

It’s time to meet my next guest, the wonderful Jennifer Purrvis!

JenniferPurrvis

Introduce Yourself and tell us a bit about you….

My name is Jen. I grew up in the Houston area but live in Wellington, New Zealand. I moved to New Zealand when I was 19 and have lived in various areas in NZ but have kicked around in the capital city for 11 years. I have one daughter who will be 14 and 4 cats. I am single but formerly married. I’m a terrible cook but enjoy baking. I’m currently studying towards a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and hope to get admitted into a Masters of Forensic Psychology programme once I complete my undergraduate. I run Chronic Illness Cat, mostly on Facebook, but you’ll have seen us on other platforms too. Muffin is a real cat, who lives in France, but her dad is from Nelson in New Zealand. He sometimes comes back for a visit but we’ve never met up, though we should.

Chronic Illnesses/Disabilities I have…

I grew up a child of anxiety and depression. After I had my daughter I became severely agoraphobic and was diagnosed with a mood disorder, not otherwise specified. This would finally be diagnosed as Bipolar Disorder in 2018. I also have PMDD.  In 2007, I nearly lost my life after a doctor bagged an IV of an antibiotic I was orange banded as allergic to. I saw a huge white light. I felt a shock hit my body and felt fire ants start biting all over my body. That’s really all I remember. When I woke up I couldn’t unfold my arms or bear weight on my body. It would take years to regain my independence, my tolerance, my sanity. I was so, so angry about the disability attacking me, the pain I was constantly fighting and everything I was losing. It’s been nearly 12 years and things are so much better. I’m so much happier and freer and independent. However, in the last year, I’ve been diagnosed with Autoimmune Urticaria and I’m now on higher dose Cyclosporine. I’ve started to feel those dark shadows creeping in again. The pain is returning, so is the tiredness, reliance on drugs for pain, and I worry about stepping so far back.

My symptoms conditions began…

As a kid. I think I’ve always had an autoimmune disease. I first started getting fevers when I was 2 weeks old. I was just always sick. Always tired. I caught mono twice as a teen. I had chicken pox so severe as a kid I had them down my throat. I know I was severely depressed at 12. I had sleeping issues as a teen. I had coping methods that were not safe or would be suggested. I had a devastating eating disorder.

The night I got so sick back in 2007 was a normal night. I felt slightly off and started feeling worse and worse. I asked to go to the Emergency Department. I expected to have an infection but I didn’t expect to find myself fighting for my life. It turns out I had suspected sepsis. The bag of antibiotics was important, but so was understanding the importance of orange banding of patient allergies.

Fast Forward to the present and the first few days of realising I was getting sick again were terrifying. I knew something was wrong, but I never expected it to be something so full on. The first symptom I started experiencing was itching when sweating. Whenever and wherever the sweat would touch, I would feel like a jellyfish sting and hideous itching. I put it down to being ‘dirty’. The second major symptom that developed was a reaction to showering. Wherever the water hit, another jellyfish-like sting would develop, with burning and itching. But following the itching and burning came nausea, a feeling of being overwhelmed in the head and vomiting.

I started taking antihistamines, antihistamines and h-blockers, more antihistamines and finally saw a specialist who told me that due to my previous history of trialling drugs, I was to start Cyclosporine. At first, I was really optimistic because I had 2 weeks of showering with very little symptoms. But then, as soon as it had arrived, the optimism left. All the symptoms were back.

My diagnosis process has been…

Confusing. When I was first sick in 2007, no one knew what was wrong with me. I saw specialists and doctors all the time. People had opinions from Lupus to Still’s Disease to MS to ‘just experiencing a shock’. To get better care, we sold our home and moved. I saw another specialist who told me I had Lupus and “was just being a woman about it”. I was put on every drug you could find. Nothing helped. Nothing improved.

I saw just about every rheumatologist in the capital city. No one had answers for me. In the end, I just stopped going. It wasn’t worth the money. When I started getting sick again, and the blood tests were all fine, it started feeling like deja vu all over again.

However, this time, the specialist knew that this was Autoimmune Urticaria and that I had some dermagraphica which made him feel more confident. It felt unusual that I actually had symptoms someone was familiar with. Though, he did feel there was more autoimmune going on and asked if I wanted to begin looking for that and I told him I didn’t. I just couldn’t face doing it all again.

The hardest part of living with my disability/illness is…

Not knowing if I’m ever going to live normally as other people do. Will I be able to work? Will I finish my studies? Will I ever be independent? It scares the hell out of me. What if the medicines just get worse? I can’t nap through life. These questions just go around and around my mind sometimes. Fears for my future feel almost disabling at times.

A typical day for me involves…

Waking at 6:30. If it’s my week with my daughter then I get up with her and help her get ready for school. Once she’s left for the bus, I head back to bed. If I’m not with her, I go back to sleep. I try to wake up at 6:30 regardless so as to keep a regular rhythm. Sleep is so crucial for the maintenance and care of the Bipolar person. When I wake up I have a cup of tea and run errands or study, depending on the day. It’s really important for me to keep my grades up, so studying is important.

I’ve gotten it into my head that I need to do some sort of exercise, even though I’m not supposed to change my body temperature and/or sweat. I have some hand weights and I’m looking into belly dancing on youtube. I want to stay active for my brain and I want to stay mobile. But gosh, I know I’ve lost a lot of dexterity and put on weight since I stopped going to the gym. Swimming is out, maybe yoga? Am I that cliche? Just do some yoga?

I try to eat normally but I’ve got some problems with eating and I take Seroquel at night, so that makes up for any lost calories I haven’t eaten during the day. Right now Married at First Sight Australia is on, so I’m pretty addicted to that. Otherwise, I just try to rest and study. Glamorous, right?

One thing I cannot live without is…

Hot tea. I’m thoroughly addicted to caffeine and classic Bell Tea with milk gets me through my day. I probably go through 6 to 8 tea bags a day. It’s probably the reason I actually can move. Also, probably why I don’t sleep much.

Being ill taught me…

To take nothing for granted and to be amazingly grateful for the gifts that I have. Being able to walk is tremendous. I spent 9 months on the couch. Slowly I learned to crawl, then scoot and then walk again. Amazing. Getting the energy to work in cat rescue and change litter pans and chase after cats made me forever grateful for the second chance I was given. Now I’m studying to become independent. I’ve got my brain back. I will never not be angry and horrendously filled with rage at what happened to me, but I will also never not be amazed and filled with gratitude that I am where I am today. I’m a survivor.

The advice I’d given someone newly diagnosed…

Is that life goes on. It’s different but it goes on. It’s like when the brand of your favourite chip alters things and it’s never the same but you just go on buying it all the same. You can’t pretend nothing has changed, but at the same time, you still enjoy it enough to keep buying it. Some days are going to be horrific. And you’ll cry. You’re entitled to cry. And get mad. And kick at things. But some days will be not so bad too. And hopefully, you’ll get more of those not so bad days soon enough. That’s all you can ask for. And hugs. Ask for hugs. No one will think less of you for doing so.

My support system is…

Really small. I have a really truly, true-blood ride or die best friend on the net but-not-imaginary friend who gets me and loves me and would do anything for me named Alice. She’s also on the Page. I hope one day to be able to explain to her how much she means to me. And to thank her for lifting me up on those really shitty days.

I have my ex who does a lot of practical things for me. I have my daughter who shouldn’t have to grow up so quickly. And myself. I lean on my GP, Simon, a lot. And that’s it. I do a lot of the emotional stuff myself. I’ve become a lot quieter and controlled. Well, the Abilify has made me that way. I could do with a therapist. And a boyfriend. But we’ll see.

If I had one symptom-free day…

Gosh, I’d just sleep. Nothing would hurt. I’d shower too. Wash my hair and not throw up. Go lay in the sun. And sweat. Imagine!

One positive of having a chronic illness is…

That it gives me an amazing sense of humour and fantastic charm. I can joke around with just about anyone and I relate to a large number of people going through many things. It’s given me a sense of empathy that’s lead me to psychology and wanting to care for others. I’ve always been sort of activist-y anyways, but being sick has really pushed that envelope in fighting for others to get the same rights and access, which has been super useful having a daughter with extra needs.

Thanks so much for having me. You can find me and Muffin at the links below. And me and my kitties on my personals.

My Social Media links:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChronicIllnessCat
The Cat Tree: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thecattree/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/chronillcat
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chronicillnesscat/
Personal Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/smilingtabby/
Personal Twitter: https://twitter.com/kittypajama