It seems like all of us are looking for more joy in our lives. Appreciation is one of the easiest ways to feel better right away. No matter what is going on in your life, you can always find something to be grateful for. When you start to appreciate those things you do have in your life, the feeling of joy will expand as you focus more on it. We are meant to be joyous and living a fulfilling life!
So why is it that most people are not doing that? It’s because they aren’t doing the things they absolutely LOVE to do. It’s time to figure out what we love and then fill our days with being and doing it!
Back in August of 2018, I wrote a well-received post called That Which Brings Me Joy. I followed up with A Little Bit More Joy in September which again was quite popular. Here for 2019 are 75 more ways to bring joy back into your world:
Talk to a Stranger
Go to the Theater
Power Down Your Gadgets
Try Something New
Spend Time With Your Favorite Animal
Create Something Artistic
Get a Houseplant
Do Some Spring Cleaning
Take a 30-Minute Walk
Read a Novel
Join a Team
Do a Good Deed
Get a Good Night’s Rest
Stop and Smell the Roses
Light a Candle
Sing Your Heart Out
Organize Your Bedroom
Get Some Fresh Air
Take a Yoga Class
Soak Up the Sun
Take a Power Nap
Eat a real Breakfast
Reflect on Your Daily Accomplishments
Take Pride in Your Appearance
Let Your Imagination Run Wild
Sit Up Straight
Practice Positive Affirmations
Give Back to Your Community
Savour Good Memories
Be an Optimist
Give More Hugs
Work With Your Hands
Don’t Worry About What Others Think of You
Shower Yourself With Self-Love
Live in the Moment
Be on Time
Drink More Water
Listen to Music
Appreciate a Work of Art
Let Go of Anger
Spend Time With Friends and Family
Buy Now, Enjoy Later
Earn Your Indulgences
Pop in a Sappy Movie
Read the Newspaper
Play in the Dirt
Make the Bed
Spend Time With Happy people
Write Down Your Aspirations
Make Time for Yourself
Grow Your Own Vegetables
Read Something Spiritual
Appreciate Your Surroundings
Have a picnic
Hold hands with someone special
Travel to a new city or country
Play a board game
Create a photo album
Jump in puddles
Donate unwanted items to those in need
Say I Love You more often
Joy is equal to happiness plus love. Isn’t that what we all want in our lives? Remember…
Do you find yourself feeling more pain after the holidays are over? More physical pain seems natural because of all the running around that we do with Christmas and New Years and the extra work that happens to make the holidays special. What about the post holiday blues? Do you find yourself feeling more mental pain when the holidays are over? More depression, or more Seasonal Sadness? How do you manage that and where is it coming from?
Some of it comes from the Holidays themselves. Often, we project what we want them to look like instead of accepting the reality of what they actually are for us. We want the perfect family around the perfect tree with perfect presents and everyone getting along in perfect harmony. What happens instead is the stress of buying, decorating, cooking and cleaning all while appeasing children, spouse and family members who may or may not be speaking to each other on the big day. No wonder you’re left with a huge let down after the New Year rolls in.
Financial stress plays a huge role as well, once those credit card bills start showing up in January. Even if you swore you wouldn’t have a credit card Christmas or Hanukkah, chances are you’re still looking at some expenses that you weren’t expecting, and now you need to do some budget adjusting. That’s enough to make anyone feel blue. And if you’re one of the many people who put your entire holiday shopping on your credit card, you’ll be feeling the hit even harder.
The weather also plays a huge part in how we feel in the New Year. Depending on where you live, you could be seeing sunshine and cold temperatures, mild temperatures and rain, or bitterly cold and snow, or any combination in between. The days are short and darkness prevails. Seasonal Affectiveness Disorder is a real condition that deeply alters the lives of more people than we realize. Getting out into the natural sunlight is the best remedy, but the alternate is to use a special lamp to get the light you need to function properly during the winter months.
How else can you combat these Post Holiday Blues? Here is a list of suggestions that might help:
Limit alcohol – Now that the holidays are over, start to limit your alcohol intake, and try not to keep it readily available around your house. Drink lots of water to flush your system and get back to good nutrition.
Get plenty of sleep – Try to go to bed at a specific time each night. Being well-rested can improve your mood and help you feel ready to take on the day.
Exercise regularly – Plug in your headphones and pop out for a walk around the block a couple of times a day. A quick 10-minute walk will get your heart rate up and release mood-boosting endorphins.
Learn to say “no” – Overscheduling and not making time for yourself can lead to emotional breakdowns. Learn how to say “no,” and stay firm on your decision.
Reflect on the Special Moments –
Grab a hot tea or hot chocolate, sit by the fireplace, and reflect on what you loved about this holiday season.
What was the best conversation you had?
What was the most thoughtful gift you received?
What was the funniest thing that happened?
What was one disaster that turned into a blessing or a great memory?
Try Something New – New Year, new hobbies! Make up your mind to try something new this year. Take a class, return to an old hobby, or pick up a new one.
Make a Budget – No one likes to dwell on financial stuff, but vow to make a budget this year and then stick to it. You’ll be amazed at how much stress relief this can offer you when you see exactly where you money is going and how much you can actually save every single month. Buy software for your computer to help you, download an app or get a book to make it easier.
Volunteer – If you can spare a bit of time each week or each month, consider doing some volunteer work in an area that interests you the most. From working with kids, seniors, or animals to helping with community arts and theatre, health organizations or your local Downtown Business Association, there are so many places that can use your help. Even just a couple of hours a month makes a difference when we all pitch in together.
Give Blood – Another way to help others, if you are physically able to donate blood, please consider giving. There’s nothing like being a Lifesaver to make you feel good!
Keep a Gratitude Journal – Each day, write down three things you are grateful for.
Can you come up with your own suggestions for this list to make it your own? If and when you do, share your ideas with your friends and in the comment section below. One thing I do want to remind you of is that if the Post Holiday Blues tend to linger on for longer than a month, you may want to speak to your doctor. You could be experiencing something more than just “Post Holiday Blues” and require proper medical care. Don’t ever be afraid to ask for help if you feel dark thoughts or deep depression. There is help available and absolutely NO shame in asking for it. I live with Bipolar Disorder and have to be very careful during and after the holidays that my mania isn’t triggered because I would go on shopping binges.
I hope dear Readers that you all had wonderful Holiday celebrations and are ready for the challenges of 2019! I wanted to start the year by thinking about Gratitude, a favourite subject of mine.
Here you’ll find 50 very solid things to be thankful for in your everyday life. These are great reminders for you to treasure everything you have.
1. Good Health
Even if you’re health isn’t great, it could be worse and you likely still have some working parts to be thankful for.
2. Money in the Bank
Having just a few coins makes you richer than most people on Earth.
3. Good Friends
Often, it’s the quality of friendships, not the quantity.
4. Freedom of Religion
Being able to worship whomever and however you want is something many people don’t ever experience.
5. Your Parents
Even if they’re dysfunctional, they gave you life.
There’s something magical about weekends.
Pets offer one of the best examples of unconditional love.
8. Learning from Mistakes
If we never made mistakes, we wouldn’t learn much so it is one of those things we should be thankful for.
9. Opportunity to Get an Education
The opportunity to attend school is something many people don’t have.
10. Having a Home
Whether you live in an apartment, a mansion, or a tent, having a place to call home is something to be thankful for.
11. An Ability to Read
If you’re reading this right now, you have a lot to be thankful for.
13. Breathing Fresh Air
Being able to step outside to breathe in fresh air is a good reminder how many little things we should be thankful for.
Without laughter, the world would be a sad place.
The sun’s warmth can brighten any day.
Although we often don’t think there’s enough of it, time is something we shouldn’t take for granted.
17. Clean Water
Many people on earth lack access to clean water.
18. Cell Phones
Cell phones make talking to loved ones easy.
The world sure would be a different place if we lacked the ability to love.
Books provide an opportunity to enter another world all from the comfort of your own home.
21. Kindness of Strangers
Never take the kindness of a stranger for granted.
The simplicity of a campfire creates lifelong memories.
Without pain, it would be difficulty to appreciate life’s joys.
The world would be less beautiful if art didn’t exist.
Any reason to celebrate is something we should be thankful for.
26. Freedom of Speech
Being able to express your thoughts and feelings freely should never be taken for granted.
The beauty of a rainbow is unmatched.
Sometimes when there are no words to say, tears express how we feel for us.
29. Waking up Today
Simply waking up today means you have things to be thankful for.
30. Indoor Plumbing
Indoor plumbing not only provides convenience, it spares us from disease.
31. Wisdom that Comes with Age
Thankfully, we grow smarter over time.
Mountains provide us with beauty and recreation.
Sunsets are a reminder that we should enjoy the simple things in life.
Entertainment gives us a way to relax and enjoy life.
35. Your Mind
Being able to think, remember, and solve problems sure makes life easier.
The world would be a boring place without diversity.
38. Moon and Stars
The moon and stars encourage us to dream.
Electricity makes most of our chores efficient.
Being able to hear your loved one’s voice is something that not everyone gets to do.
Watching children laugh, grow, and dream can keep things in perspective.
43. Ability to Learn
The ability to learn new things means we have endless potential.
44. People Willing to Teach
Whether it’s your grandmother teaching you to knit or your plumber showing you how to prevent future problems, be grateful that others are willing to use their time and talents to teach you something new.
The sea creatures in the ocean almost seem too mystical to be real.
46. Modern Medicine
Without advances in modern medicine, many of us wouldn’t be alive.
Music brings out new emotions.
48. Entrepreneurs and inventors
Some of life’s best inventions resulted from an entrepreneur who was willing to take a risk.
49. Freedom to Vote
Being able to have a say in the laws should never be taken for granted.
Without challenges in life, we wouldn’t be the people we are now.
Thank you to Lifehack.org for the list. What other things can you think of to be grateful for? Leave your thoughts in the comments below.
It’s December 29th and the year is drawing to a close. I want to take this time to simply recap the year and say thank you to my Dear Readers for spending your time with me in 2018.
From the beginning of the year, when I really got started blogging, I started out by writing Happy New Year . My main theme at that time was to talk about my hip replacement surgery which was the real reason this blog came into existance. I had been searching for personal stories of “younger” women who had undergone hip replacements but hadn’t found much, so I thought I’d share my story for others who might find it helpful for themselves. One thing led to another and before I knew it, I was writing about my other health issues, including Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, Chronic Fatigue and Invisible Illnesses.
I’ve had the opportunity to share my thoughts about body image, intimacy when you live with Chronic Pain, the sleeplessness that comes with Fibromyalgia and Invisible Illnesss, and how the simple loss of bathing can mean so much heartache. On the other hand, I’ve been able to share about gratitude and finding joy on more than one occasion, so I’ve tried to focus on the positives as much as possible, whenever possible.
I couldn’t do this without you. Without my Dear Readers, there wouldn’t be much sense in putting this out there, so I appreciate each and every one of you who comes to my blog and reads what I have to say. You may not comment on every post, heck…you may never comment on a post I write, but the numbers don’t lie. My stats show that you are there and that you keep coming back. In fact, when I took a week off and didn’t do a thing to market the blog…no Pinterest, no Twitter, no Social Media at all, the numbers dropped, but a bunch of you still came by to see if there was anything new.
You can see where I was away for the week. On Nov. 15th and 16th, I was in Vancouver for a volunteer meeting, and away from my computer the whole time. When I put the effort in, you do the same and come back to see what’s new…the numbers don’t lie, and I am forever grateful.
So, to wrap up 2018, I want to say thank you. You’ve helped me reach a far greater level of success than I ever thought I’d make, simply because you like to read my thoughts. That’s pretty amazing to me. I just want to provide as much information as I can to anyone who is living with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, Chronic Fatigue or Invisible Illness. I want you to know you’re not alone. I’m right there with you and for as long as I’m able, I will continue to write and bring you articles and information to help you thrive.
I wish each and every one of you a very Happy New Year. May you be blessed in 2019 with the very best the year can offer. Remember…
In the Spirit of the Season, here are 50 Christmas quotes to help bring good cheer to your heart during the holidays. Thanks to the website Daring To Live Fully for the list.
1. “I sometimes think we expect too much of Christmas Day. We try to crowd into it the long arrears of kindliness and humanity of the whole year. As for me, I like to take my Christmas a little at a time, all through the year. And thus I drift along into the holidays – let them overtake me unexpectedly – waking up some fine morning and suddenly saying to myself: ‘Why, this is Christmas Day!’”
~ David Grayson
2. “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas;
Soon the bells will start,
And the thing that will make them ring
Is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart.”
~ Meredith Willson, “It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas”
3. “Christmas gift suggestions: to your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.”
~ Oren Arnold
5. “Gifts of time and love are surely the basic ingredients of a truly merry Christmas.”
~ Peg Bracken
6. “Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish. Christmas, in short, is about the only chance a man has to be himself.”
~ Francis C. Farley
7. “It is Christmas in the heart that puts Christmas in the air.”
~ W.T. Ellis
8. “Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.”
~ Norman Vincent Peale
9. “Christmas now surrounds us,
Happiness is everywhere
Our hands are busy with many tasks
As carols fill the air.”
~ Shirley Sallay
10. “Each sight, each sound of Christmas
And fragrances sublime
Make hearts and faces happy
This glorious Christmastime.”
~ Carice Williams
11. “Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love!”
~ Hamilton Wright Mabie
12. “Christmas is not as much about opening our presents as opening our hearts.”
~ Janice Maeditere
13. “Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.”
~ Author unknown, attributed to a 7-year-old named Bobby
14. “I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.”
~ Harlan Miller
15. “Christmas is the season of joy, of holiday greetings exchanged, of gift-giving, and of families united.”
~ Norman Vincent Peale
16. “Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most.”
~ Ruth Carter Stapleton
17. “Good news from heaven the angels bring,
Glad tidings to the earth they sing:
To us this day a child is given,
To crown us with the joy of heaven.”
~ Martin Luther
18. “The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.”
~ Burton Hillis
19. “Probably the reason we all go so haywire at Christmas time with the endless unrestrained and often silly buying of gifts is that we don’t quite know how to put our love into words.”
~ Harlan Miller
20. “For centuries men have kept an appointment with Christmas. Christmas means fellowship, feasting, giving and receiving, a time of good cheer, home.”
~ W. J. Tucker
21. “Christmas is not just a time for festivity and merry making. It is more than that. It is a time for the contemplation of eternal things. The Christmas spirit is a spirit of giving and forgiving.”
~ J. C. Penney
22. “I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
23. “I love the Christmas-tide, and yet,
I notice this, each year I live;
I always like the gifts I get,
But how I love the gifts I give!”
~ Carolyn Wells
24. “Mankind is a great, an immense family. This is proved by what we feel in our hearts at Christmas.”
~ Pope John XXIII
25. “Let us have music for Christmas…
Sound the trumpet of joy and rebirth;
Let each of us try, with a song in our hearts,
To bring peace to men on earth.”
~ Mildred L. Jarrell
26. “Christmas is not a time or a season but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas.”
~ Calvin Coolidge
27. “I don’t think Christmas is necessarily about things. It’s about being good to one another, it’s about the Christian ethic, it’s about kindness.”
~ Carrie Fisher
28. “What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.”
~ Agnes M. Pharo
29. “May Christmas lend a special charm
To all you chance to do.
And may the season light your way
To hopes and dreams anew.”
~ Garnett Ann Schultz, “My Christmas Wish”
30. “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know,
Where the tree tops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow.”
~ Irving Berlin
31. “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year.”
~ Charles Dickens, Ebeneezer Scrooge, A Christmas Carol
32. “And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.”
~ Dr Seuss
33. “The merry family gatherings–
The old, the very young;
The strangely lovely way they
Harmonize in carols sung.
For Christmas is tradition time–
Traditions that recall
The precious memories down the years,
The sameness of them all.”
~ Helen Lowrie Marshall
34. “Christmas is forever, not for just one day,
for loving, sharing, giving, are not to put away
like bells and lights and tinsel, in some box upon a shelf.
The good you do for others is good you do yourself.”
~ Norman Wesley Brooks, “Let Every Day Be Christmas”
35. “This time of year means being kind
to everyone we meet,
To share a smile with strangers
we may pass along the street.”
~ Betty Black
36. “Until one feels the spirit of Christmas, there is no Christmas. All else is outward display–so much tinsel and decorations. For it isn’t the holly, it isn’t the snow. It isn’t the tree not the firelight’s glow. It’s the warmth that comes to the hearts of men when the Christmas spirit returns again.”
37. “There is a Christmas song upon the air,
There is a joy innate within the heart;
An inner sense of peace, a holy light
Illumines life and sets these days apart.”
~ Edna Greene Hines
38. “I am not alone at all, I thought. I was never alone at all. And that, of course, is the message of Christmas. We are never alone. Not when the night is darkest, the wind coldest, the world seemingly most indifferent. For this is still the time God chooses.”
~ Taylor Caldwell
39. “Christmas in Bethlehem. The ancient dream: a cold, clear night made brilliant by a glorious star, the smell of incense, shepherds and wise men falling to their knees in adoration of the sweet baby, the incarnation of perfect love.”
~ Lucinda Franks
40. “Are you willing to believe that love is the strongest thing in the world – stronger than hate, stronger than evil, stronger than death – and that the blessed life which began in Bethlehem nineteen hundred years ago is the image and brightness of the Eternal Love? Then you can keep Christmas.”
~ Henry Van Dyke
41. “Ask your children two questions this Christmas. First: What do you want to give to others for Christmas? Second: What do you want for Christmas? The first fosters generosity of heart and an outward focus. The second can breed selfishness if not tempered by the first.”
~ Author Unknown
42. “Bless us Lord, this Christmas, with quietness of mind; Teach us to be patient and always to be kind.”
~ Helen Steiner Rice
43. “Christmas! The very word brings joy to our hearts. No matter how we may dread the rush, the long Christmas lists for gifts and cards to be bought and given–when Christmas Day comes there is still the same warm feeling we had as children, the same warmth that enfolds our hearts and our homes.”
~ Joan Winmill Brown
44. “Christmas – that magic blanket that wraps itself about us, that something so intangible that it is like a fragrance. It may weave a spell of nostalgia. Christmas may be a day of feasting, or of prayer, but always it will be a day of remembrance – a day in which we think of everything we have ever loved.”
~ Augusta E. Rundel
45. “Christmas day is a day of joy and charity. May God make you very rich in both.”
~ Phillips Brooks
47. “Christmas is doing a little something extra for someone.”
~ Charles Schulz
48. “Christmas, my child, is love in action.”
~ Dale Evans
49. “Off to one side sits a group of shepherds. They sit silently on the floor, perhaps perplexed, perhaps in awe, no doubt in amazement. Their night watch had been interrupted by an explosion of light from heaven and a symphony of angels. God goes to those who have time to hear him–and so on this cloudless night he went to simple shepherds.”
~ Max Lucado
50. “Want to keep Christ in Christmas? Feed the hungry, clothe the naked, forgive the guilty, welcome the unwanted, care for the ill, love your enemies, and do unto others as you would have done unto you.”
If you’ve been to my blog before, you know that I live with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Invisible Illness. If this is your first visit, you now know something about me. I want it made very clear that YES…Fibromyalgia IS REAL.
Here are just some of the MANY symptoms that people with Fibro have reported experiencing:
Walk a mile in my very painful shoes and you will know exactly how painful it is to live with Fibro. Every one of my muscles feels like it’s being dragged in concrete and every joint feels like it’s been twisted, then put into a mechanical vise and clamped as tightly as possible. I get shooting pains in parts of my body that I didn’t even know existed, for no reason at all. My arms burn and my hands and feet tingle or go numb.
The brain fog is awful…forgetting what you’re saying in the middle of a conversation is so embarrassing. I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast. I can’t remember if I ATE breakfast. I take medications that cause horrible side effects like weight gain and shaking hands and brain zaps…a sensation like an electrical shock that runs across your brain and where you can feel AND hear a literal buzz. I am constantly exhausted by the lack of sleep that comes with Fibro. It’s never refreshing and it’s never enough.
Yet, with all of this that I and my fellow Fibromites go through, there are still doctors who say “it’s all in your head” and “it doesn’t exist”. Well, tell me then…what DO I have wrong? All my tests come back negative for everything you tested me for…but I have all
18 of the 18 tender points that indicate Fibromyalgia is what I have.
Here are things I’ve had to say to friends and to DOCTORS who have questioned me about Fibro and Chronic Pain at various times over the last 10 years:
1. This is not “just in my head”. My pain is real.
2. I wish Fibro came with bruises, that way, you could see how much pain I’m feeling just so you could believe me.
3. It never goes away. My pain is always there, even when I’m acting “normal”. Don’t let my smile fool you, I am always in pain. Always.
4. There is no standard day or week or month with Fibromyalgia, It changes from hour to hour sometimes. Some days are better than others. Some days I think I want to die (this one always gets me in trouble).
5. Staying home instead of working or doing something fun isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
6. You think I’m faking being sick, but really I’m faking being well.
7. The Brain Fog is terrifying. You try forgetting what you’re saying in the middle of a sentence and see how it makes you feel – you feel stupid and old and easy to dismiss. I lose things easily and am easily distracted. It’s so frustrating.
8. Day to day activities are exhausting. Heck, getting out of bed is exhausting.
9. Even if there were drugs that worked well, I am not a drug seeker and my history will show that. I have ONE Family Doctor and use ONE Pharmacy! I just want relief from the pain.
10. What part of “chronic condition” are you having a hard time understanding? I am not going to get better. I am going to live with this for the rest of my life. I hope to get better but it’s never going to go away. Don’t give me false hope.
11. I’m willing to try just about anything, but just because something worked for some Aunt’s friend’s cousin’s sister doesn’t mean it’s going to work for me. We’re all different and treatment isn’t a one size fits all option. But, whatever…I’m willing to listen.
12. Sometimes, I have to cancel my plans at the last minute. Sometimes, I cancel my plans with the same friend 2 or 3 times in a row. It’s not a reflection on the friend. It’s my body.
13. I wish more doctors understood Fibromyalgia and Chronic Pain and took us more seriously. Do you see me as a drug seeker too? What about when my x-rays show a body filled with arthritis? How do you deny my pain then? I just want you to help me find answers and relief.
14. Some days, even my hair hurts
15. There are days when the most I can accomplish is moving from the bed to the couch, and that’s okay. At least I did something.
16. On the days I feel good, I push myself too hard to get things done, even though I know I’m going to pay for it later. I hate being thought of as lazy. When my husband comes home, I can honestly say to him, “honey, today I cleaned up, did the dishes, vacuumed the house, did the laundry, baked cookies and scrubbed the bathroom”. And then I know I’ll be bed-bound for the rest of the week.
17. What you see on the outside doesn’t necessarily reflect how I feel on the inside.
18. My chronic fatigue is at times overwhelming and I can’t push past it. It’s exhausting to be this exhausted.
19. I wish a simple nap would help to relieve my pain, but it will not disappear if I lay down and have a rest.
20. I’m a real person with real pain. I didn’t ask for this but I’m being forced to live with it. I didn’t do anything to get this, but sometimes I feel like I’m being punished.
Research has now shown that Fibromyalgia is NOT an inflammatory condition like so many doctors first thought. It is technically NOT an autoimmune disease. What Fibro IS, is a NERVE disease where the brain misreads the pain signals going to the body through the spinal cord. This causes widespread pain throughout the body that can be felt in many different ways, and these include the various symptoms shown in the chart above.
Oh, it can be so frustrating having an Invisible Illness like Fibro. I truly do wish there were outward signs of this illness so that people could see that you’re ill. Something like bruises or a rash, or big F’s showing up on your body would be perfect (“oh look…she has F’s all over her…poor thing, she has Fibromyalgia…go get the door for her”). I truly wouldn’t mind that if it would help a doctor believe in what I’m going through, trust me.
As a person living with Chronic Pain from Fibromyalgia and a host of other conditions, I tend to live with a lot of shame. I blame myself for not being able to keep up with the chores around the house that I should be able to do. I blame myself for not being able to work as an Administrative Specialist, a job I adored. I had a pity party about a lot of things as I stared at the dust on the TV stand. That’s right…I should upon myself today. I do it often. Too often.
Most people with Chronic Pain do the same thing. When we lose the ability to stay on top of the chores we used to do easily before, we start to feel guilty and ashamed. Dishes pile up, laundry goes unwashed, showering and personal grooming falls by the wayside and moving from bed to couch often becomes our biggest accomplishment. It’s not that we want to feel this way, but pain and the side effects of medication often make us this way. Most of the medications we are given include fatigue as one of the side effects. Others include weight gain, which can slow us down tremendously, nausea, constipation and/or diarrhea, dizziness, and other unpleasant things.
And that brings up another issue. All of these side effects do little to help us feel pretty. In addition to feeling pain and fatigue, we’re often left carrying extra weight so now we feel even less attractive than before. It’s a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation.
So how do we get over “shoulding” on ourselves. We feel like we should be able to keep up with the chores around the house, while we’re still taking care of making dinner and watching the kids and staying on top of their activities and doing everything else expected of us, plus making sure our spouse’s needs are met.
What happens when you live with a spouse who expects you to manage everything exactly like you did before you became sick? A spouse who doesn’t believe that you’re really ill and who thinks it’s all in your head? What if you live without a spouse – if you’re a single parent with no support? Who takes care of you?
In order to find victory in the midst of this shame, try answering some of these questions*, being as honest as you can.
What three words/phrases best describe you in a POSITIVE way? Don’t settle for neutral or slightly positive words to describe yourself. Be bold.
What do you do best? Everyone has unique talents and abilities — find yours by taking an accurate inventory of your life.
What is your biggest accomplishment in the last year? If fibro and depression have been a longstanding part of your life, you likely feel that the last year has been void of any accomplishments. Look deeper — achievements come in all shapes and sizes. Depression works to minimize your triumphs, but shedding light on them magnifies their impact.
What are three successes in your life? When you look at your lifetime successes, you begin to see how effective and valuable you can be. You understand your value and build your self-esteem.
What are you working on? Having goals and direction in life limits depression. Completing those goals adds another accomplishment to your list and boosts esteem.
Fibromyalgia may change many things in our lives, so it’s important that we remember to find the positives and celebrate them. No more shoulding on ourselves!
So, I’ve decided to give up the guilt about what I’m NOT able to do around the house. I’ve even found new hobbies and activities that I’m passionate about and that I’m actually good at! I’ve become a volunteer for an organization in BC, my home province in Canada, that uses Patient Partners to work with Health Care organizations to help make real change in how health care is delivered. The Patient Voices Network has given me opportunties to speak in front of large crowds, attend educational events and become part of several committees. I’m careful to choose to become engaged according to how I’m feeling and I don’t take on engagements that require weekly participation. Most of what I do involves 3-4 hours of my time per month which is manageable. Twice I’ve had to regretfully pull out of engagements that became too involved for me to manage. Even at the last conference I attended which lasted for 3 days, I was able to build rest time into the daily schedules. I wouldn’t have been able to manage otherwise.
That being said, I don’t want anyone to think that I’m underestimating how awfully painful it is to be forced to change yourself or how hard it is to find new passions to give you a sense of purpose. These are not simple to apply or instant fixes. Please don’t think I’m minimizing the pain of the loss. I want you to know that I think you’re incredible because of the fact that you’ve survived those things and have continued moving forward, no matter how slow. That is victory!
Even when you’re sick and you haven’t found new activities or even if you can’t get out of bed, what I just said about you being incredible is still true. You’ve survived so much and you’re still here fighting! I mention finding new things to do as a way to better self-esteem because I know it’s something helpful when possible, but there are so many things I feel are more important and that have been more fulfilling for me.
Being sick has forced me to learn a lot of lessons that other people might not ever learn – lessons about patience, how to deal with pain and difficulties with grace, good humour and empathy. I’ve learned that the little things are often the big things in life.
All That Matters
It’s the Little Things That Matter
They’re the things that mean a lot
They’re the things that I can count on
When I’m giving things a thought
Oh there’s lots of big grand gestures
That are meant to mean big things
But in the end, they aren’t the ones
That tug at my heartstrings
I prefer the smaller hidden ones
The things that seem quite shy
The little acts that are given out
Not meant to catch your eye
It’s the little things that matter
That make a quiet sound
I love them best from all the rest
They make the world go round
Also, I think I understand more about pain and can truly empathize with others who are hurting. I feel like I can truly help people because of the pain I’ve experienced. I don’t know about you, but I think that’s pretty darn cool. And I feel like it takes immense strength to not only survive chronic illness, but to continue appreciating life and showing love to others when in constant pain. It’s also taken strength to rebuild myself and my self-esteem. I have to give myself credit for that. And finally, as much as I wish I was healthy, I fight for my life every day and I’ve won every single time. If that’s not victory then I don’t know what is! And the last thing I know is that if I’m capable of all this…you are too.
I belong to a Facebook group called the Fibro Blogger Directory and we’ve been challenged to send in and answer questions relating to Fibromyalgia in the month of November. One of the members asked this question:
Do you have spiritual beliefs that help you cope with living in this hell?
Before I answer, let me ask you a question. If you live with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain or an Invisible Illness, has someone ever said to you “I’ll pray for you” or “You’re in my prayers”? What does that mean to you? Do you have Spiritual Beliefs that make those prayers easy to accept? Do you believe in a Higher Power? In God? Or do you believe that when we die, that’s it…there is nothing afterwards. No afterlife, no Heaven or Hell, no God of any type?
I am a Christ Follower. I call myself that because too many things have been done by “Christians” in the name of Christ that taint the Holy name, and I refuse to be associated with them. I’d rather try to live my life the way Christ modelled it, and so being a Christ Follower is a much better way of describing my religious leanings. I believe that He is the only way to Eternal Life and I believe in Heaven and Hell. I don’t talk about this often and almost never in public, but when I say I’ll be praying for you, trust me…I WILL be praying for you.
I also believe that everyone has a right to their own beliefs, and I will never push my beliefs on anyone else. If you want to talk about God with me, I’m happy to do so, but I won’t raise the subject first. It’s not that I’m shy or embarrassed about God, but more that I’m respectful of others, and I prefer to wait to discuss religion until the subject is brought up by others first.
So, in regards to the question that was asked, yes, I have a God who loves me dearly and who has a plan for my life. Right now, that plan includes Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue from the many conditions I live with. Have I ever asked God for healing? Yes, I did once. I prayed:
“God, if it be Your will, please remove all sickness from my body and return me to good health. If you leave my body the way it is Lord, then please give me the right attitude to learn to live with the pain and fatigue that I experience. Please help me learn to not complain because I know that there are so many other people out there that are worse off than me. Give me an attitude of grace, help me to be humble, let me have patience and let me always be of help to others so I’m not always focused on me. I know I can be selfish and self-centred so please help me to change that part of me, God. Make me a better person than I am today. Help me in my relationship with my husband because I know this is going to make things tough for us. Thank you God for everything you’ve done for me, let me always be grateful to you. Amen”
God’s plan for me was obviously not to heal me, and in fact, my health has become worse in the 5 years since I said that prayer. Am I bitter? Not at all. None of us has ever been promised anything. Why shouldn’t I have health problems? Why not me? What have I done to make me so special so as to avoid bad things?? Nothing. I’m just as susceptible as anyone else, and I know that. And I think that’s where acceptance comes in. I’ve accepted that this is what my life is. I probably will not be healed on this side of Heaven, and that’s okay. I DO know that I’ll be renewed IN Heaven according to my beliefs and that’s a comfort to me. I can put up with what happens in my life because I know the promise I have for Eternal Life in my future.
And that is how I cope. I cope because, for me, I can see beyond what happens to me on Earth. My spiritual side believes in Life after Death, and in an Eternal Heaven, where my body will be renewed. There will be no pain and no sorrow and I will be free of everything that troubles me in my Earthly life. There won’t be any more Chronic Pain or Chronic Fatigue, my body will finally be free of all restrictions and for that, I can withstand whatever it is that I have to go through while I live my life here.
What about people who don’t have a Spiritual belief system? What about the people who don’t believe in an Afterlife, a Heaven or Garden of Eden? What happens to them? Well, according to MY beliefs, anyone who doesn’t accept Christ as their Savior goes to Hell. According to THEM, they likely believe that nothing happens when they die; that there is nothing after death. We could delve into a huge discussion of Theology now, but my point is, without some type of Spiritual belief, what in the world are you living for??
My Spiritual beliefs are what keep me going. That promise of Eternal life is what I cling to when I have days of intractable pain. When I think I can’t possibly handle another new condition or illness and God decides otherwise, I have no choice but to hold on to the hope of Heaven
One of my favourite Bible verses comes from Jeremiah 29:11 (King James Version)
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
That is exactly what my Spiritual beliefs do…they give me hope and a future, knowing that something better is coming. It’s also the reason why my blog is named There Is Always Hope. I believe it to be true, both here on Earth and onward in Heaven.
I hope you, the reader, have a Belief system too. It may not be the same as mine, but I hope you have something to believe in. Something that helps you get through whatever life throws at you. Something to cling to in the dark hours.
What do YOU believe in? What ARE your hopes when all seems hopeless? How DO you manage in times of trouble and crisis?
Mental Health Advocates Share How To Prevent Suicide in 60 Seconds
What would you say if you had 60 seconds to talk a stranger out of taking his or her life?
I was flipping through my new SoulPancake book when this question jumped off the page.
What would you say if you had 60 seconds to talk a stranger out of taking his or her life?
I froze and my mind went blank. This can happen in my lifetime and I didn’t know what I would say.
So for this National Suicide Awareness Week, I’ve asked some mental health advocates to answer this question.
I hope you will never need the suggested responses and tips below. But if it happens, may they help you save a life.
Here’s What They Shared
“The pain you are feeling must feel overwhelming but If you live another day I will show you that life can be better than what you are living.” — Saaim Ali
“I can’t promise you it gets better. I won’t tell you sunny platitudes or promise you rainbows.
What I will do is ask you stay, because you’ll never know what’s ahead if you don’t.
I will do my best to help you look for the rainbows and walk in the rain with you until you can, because I’ve been there, too.” — Selena Marie Wilson
“What you’re considering doing is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Whatever it is — I promise to help you to resolve it — but we can’t do that if you’re dead.” — Kathy Reagan Young
“ I have been where you are. I know it feels like there is no other way out, but there is hope. People care, I care. Take my hand, I will walk with you through this. Your loved one will be lost without you. One step at a time, one minute at a time. We can do this together. You are not alone.” — Crystal Fretz
“I’ve been there, and I just want you to know that even though it doesn’t seem like it right now, at this very moment, there is hope. You are loved. If you can’t think of a single person who loves you, know that God loves you. I love you because you are a beautiful creation of God. I’ll go with you to find help. I’ll stay with you until you feel safe. You are not alone.” (coupled with questions about the person and things they like/dislike, points we may have in common, and non-threatening body language — adopt the same gestures they use, sit and or stand in the same posture — mirror them so that they can feel the empathy and love). — Anita Ojeda
“There’s a whole bright, beautiful world that needs your spirit in it. It feels dark, lonely, and hopeless right now, but it’s not. There’s help for you, there are people who care about you, and you are so, so much more valuable than you realize. Let’s talk about what resources are available and which one you think will work for you, and I’ll help you make the call if you want. You’re not alone. I’m here to help you. It will get better.” — Olivia Sod
“Trust me I understand how you feel, I’ve been there myself. But hang in there. Sometimes it doesn’t make any sense, but just hang on. Hang on. Hang onto life.” — Sheryl
“A lot of times, people who commit suicide believe the people in their lives would be better off without them, so I’d tell them they wouldn’t and I know. My brother committed suicide and it was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I’d tell them there would be way more people than they realized that would be impacted by this choice and there were more people that cared about them and wanted to help than they realized.” — Rosanne
“As worthless and hopeless and terrible and dark as you feel, this isn’t the end of your story. You can have light and hope and worth and joy. Don’t make a permanent choice that will affect your family and friends long after you’re gone. They need you, whether you think they do or not. You need them, too. Cling to the life God’s given you, even if you have to hold on by your fingernails and it feels too hard. This isn’t the end of your story.” — Anna Huckabee
“Keep them talking basically. When it came down to it and my friend threatened to jump off a multi-storey car park, I told him that if needed I was going to rugby tackle him and sit on him until the police arrived and could restrain him properly (they were already on the way anyway). Probably not the most official way to deal with it but while doing it, it kept him focused on me and talking to me rather than the other things that were going on. My friend has since been diagnosed with a version of Bipolar rather than depression. Unfortunately, it took a number of years to get past the diagnosis of depression or stress.” — Hannah
“What can I do to help you? (And I would start to tell them about my mother and ex-boyfriend and how they took their own life and that it’s okay to ask for help.) Everyone needs some kind of help throughout life. Just let me try to help you.” — Chasa Fulkerson
“The pain you feel right now? If you allow it to end your life, the same pain will attack your family and closest friends because they will miss you. After you are gone, the pain will be allowed to grow bigger and bigger! Let’s fight this together now and end the pain, but keep your life. You DON’T want to suffer through all this darkness for nothing, do you? Because on the other side of this darkness, this grief, this pain is something worth living for joy and hope. Let’s find some of that for you! I have a list of great resources!” — Chris Moss
“Listen, I’ve been there too. Right where you are. 10 years ago. So much can change in the next year for you. Don’t convince yourself that there’s no hope. That’s a lie from the pit. You have a gift and worth and value, and the devil is trying to keep you from giving it to the world. God cares about you and loves you, and has plans for you for a purpose and good. It doesn’t matter what you’ve been through or done, there is hope for a happy and joyful life! Come with me. Please let me tell you my story.” — Abby Karbon
“This may be hard to hear right now but you are worth so much, just by being the only you in the world. You will be making a decision that you can not take back while going through emotions that will very well pass, even if it takes a little work. You are not alone, even if you feel like it. There are millions of people who feel just like you. Talk to me. I’m here to listen. I’ll never shut you down. You can trust me. I know what it’s like to feel like the world would be better off without you. Don’t listen to those negative thoughts. You are worthy and you will get through this.” — Cortney Kaczmarek
“You are needed. You are necessary. You are loved.” — Barbara Moore
“That life will be good again soon and that it’s an illness causing all the pain. They can get better and they can enjoy life once more they just need some help.” — Hazel Jackson
“Hey there, I know you don’t know me but I’m here and I care. Please just come, talk to me, let’s get a coffee and restart. You won’t be able to take this back. I get it but I also just want to know your story, I don’t want this to be an end to our conversation. All the things you are feeling must be overwhelming so let’s just calm down and breathe. We can talk when you’re ready.” — Emerson
“Being on the other end of it, I was told ‘it’s not worth it. This will pass and I will stay by your side and be there always.’ And that person to this day is still always by my side making sure I’m okay. And this was a few years ago. — Hailey Giambelluca
“You are loved. You are taking an easy way out, but what about the ones that love you? What about the ones that fight for/with you? We would be slowly dying inside if you were not here!” — Angel
“I can’t tell you what to do but I see you and I care. You’ll leave a hole in the universe that no one else can fill. This world is more meaningful with you in it. Please sit with me and tell me where it hurts. I’m listening.” — Emma Frances
“There is help out there. This solution you are considering is permanent. There is no coming back. You may feel you’ve tried everything, but there are specialists that can ease your suffering. There are many options available to you, and I will help you each step of the way. The symptom of suicidal ideation leads you to believe there’s no other hope. I can attest as someone who’s been in your shoes there is. And I’m glad I didn’t make that permanent choice. So please come with me and we can find help right now.” — Ben Barrett
“Give me your hand. Come closer. *if okay I’d give them a hug* I truly do understand this feels like the only way — I’ve had the same thoughts and experienced it with a loved one. I’m not going to tell you the usual things …the things you know. Just, remember that there is hope. I’ll come with you. I’ll help however I can, even if it’s just to listen…I will not judge you for your experience is yours and must be heard. Give me your hand.” — Eleanor Catalina Stevens
“Up close it’s hard to see a way out or the greater plan, but everything always works out in the end. So many people find times in their lives hard, but keep going and when you look back, you will see that it was all part of a greater plan.” — Laura P
“Let’s get you help! Who knows, you can overcome your depression and help others who are struggling, one thing is certain we need people who understand us, come with me, we’ll get you help, we’ll keep trying until you find a therapist you are satisfied with.” (this is just a note that I will help him/her get the help they need even though I don’t know them and they don’t know me). — Jazz Williams
“Things do get better. There are brighter days ahead but you have to stay here to see them. The world needs what you have.” — Wrae Sanders
“It’s okay to not be okay. And it gets better. Just stay. Use your voice to breathe life into a conversation that must be had. You are worth more than making a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion or thought. You are loved, and you can rise up once again.” — Maria Thomas
“You matter. You have people who care for you and will miss you. Your death will not relieve anyone else of a burden or make someone else’s life easier. Hold my hand. I am here for you and the journey ahead. It will get better.” — Teresa Colón
“Choosing to live, even though you are in deep pain, is courageous. That choice will help you take a step out of the darkness and into the light. That choice will prove to the world that you are stronger than your pain. That choice will prove to your pain that you are ready to fight back. That choice will begin your path to the help and support you need. I am here, talking to you, which proves to you that I care. I want to help you. And I will lead you to another person who will help you. And that person will lead you to another person who will help you. And another. And another. That path of people will be there for you as long as you need them. That path of people who care about you will lead you to safety, kindness, strength, and love. Take my hand right now, and let me help you start that path toward love.” — Kate Johnston
“Life is full of challenges, but that’s what teaches us to appreciate the good stuff. Today might be a challenge, but we’ll figure out a way to make tomorrow better. You matter in this world, and you are loved.” — Christalle Bodiford
“Think of those who love you and how it will destroy them to see you go my friend come with me to a better life.” — Robin Tomlin
“I would say that this is a very permanent decision for a temporary problem and ask them to talk to me, no matter how long it takes until they realize that someone cares. I would also tell them that there is always hope, that things can get better and that I will support them in getting the help they need to find their happy again.” — Pamela Jessen
“I know you think this is the only way to make the pain end. I don’t think you want to die. I think you’re just tired of living I’ve been there. I UNDERSTAND. I think you want to end the pain and suffering. I understand. But, don’t make a lifetime decision on today’s emotions. Emotions are fleeting. You might feel worthless. I bet you think you’re a burden or nobody will notice you’re gone. I would. I noticed one of my best friends every day is gone. I will be here for you. Keep talking to me. I will talk to you as long as you need to talk. I will be here for as long if you need me to be. We will get you through this together. The world needs your story to continue. You are destined for greatness.” — Jamie
“I would answer that ‘Hi this is Roger’ and if they said ‘I want to kill myself’ I would ask why and let them answer — then depending on what they said and how they said it — I would either ask them a few more questions or engage in a conversation letting them know that I was there and would listen and that I wanted to help — then let God be the Guiding Force while letting them know that I cared and they were precious and worthwhile.” — Roger Potter
How about you? What would you say if you had 60 seconds to talk a stranger out of taking his or her life? Let us know in the comments below.
What a powerful post, Mary!!! Thank you for allowing me to share it on my blog. As I always say:
There Is Always Hope.