There Is Always Hope

Living with Chronic Illness is an act of bravery. When each of your days is spent in pain and discomfort, it takes a lot of courage to keep going. I want to talk about hope…how to have it to get through your life and how it helps to keep a person going.

there is always hope

What is HOPE? Here is one definition I found that I think sums it up:

Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. As a verb, its definitions include: “expect with confidence” and “to cherish a desire with anticipation.”

Being optimistic is essential when you live with Chronic Illness, because the alternative is unacceptable. If you only see negatives, then you end up wallowing in misery and that compounds how you feel physically and mentally. I truly believe that even in the worst illnesses, there are positives to be found.

  1. You gain a better perspective of your own strengths
  2. You show more compassion for others who are struggling
  3. You understand the human condition for what it is and tend to reach out more to others
  4. Every accomplishment is a victory
  5. You find greater wisdom from those around you

Expecting with confidence is based on faith – trusting that what you want the most will come true. Realistic faith is a good thing and ridiculous faith is even better! What is ridiculous faith? It’s when you hope and pray for something which is beyond reasonable expectations, but still anticipate that miracles could happen.

Do you need Religion to have Hope? I don’t think so. It can help in many ways, as prayer can be a very comforting thing, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Many people consider themselves Spiritual rather than Religious and find comfort in ritual, nature or other traditions. Prayer may not be a part of their lives, but they still find comfort in the routines they’ve established for themselves.

I am a Christ Follower and find prayer to be essential to my well-being. It comforts me to know that I have a God who is bigger than me and who holds me in the palm of His hand. I trust that He has a plan for my life and though I may not understand it, I accept it. Acceptance on it’s own can be comforting.

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Image by Daniel Reche from Pixabay

So how does one go about growing Hope in their lives? What steps do you have to take to have faith in the things that are happening in your life, good and bad?

  1. Acknowledge your strengths. Chronic Illness can rob us of our confidence. Try making a list of all of your strengths and accomplishments. Read through the list and congratulate yourself for these positive traits. Understanding that you still have much to offer the world goes a long way in inspiring hope in the soul.
  2. Cultivate supportive relationships. As much as you can, surround yourself with supportive and caring people. People who help you to feel good and encourage you to be your best help to increase your sense of wellbeing. Having a supportive network of friends will help you to further your interests and goals. It’s much easier to find hope within a strong community as opposed to completely on your own
  3. Look at the activities and attitudes of people around you. See if any of them can serve as role models for what you would like to accomplish for yourself. Also, consider how the people around you act and make you feel. When you surround yourself with hope and success, it naturally trickles down into your own life. Like attracts like.
  4. Engage in pleasurable activities. Doing things that you enjoy can also help you to develop your sense of hope. By engaging in activities that make you happy every day, you will have a greater sense of purpose. If you are not sure about what activities bring you the most joy, try out some new things to figure it out. Take a class at your local community college, try a new exercise routine (Aqua-based activities are easy on the body), learn a new skill, or start a new hobby.
  5. Get involved with a cause. Volunteering for a cause you believe in is a great way to cultivate hope towards the future. This can be in either your local community or even an online community if mobility is an issue for you. Patient Advocacy is an area that is under-represented and working with Health Care Organizations can have a huge impact on yourself as well as others who live with Chronic Illness.
  6. Build relationships with others. When you start to build new relationships over common goals or projects, your sense of hope can greatly increase as you see results from your efforts. Involving yourself with other people who share your interests can help you to overcome alienation, which can cause a feeling of hopelessness.
  7. Get out of your comfort zone. This is essential to changing your thought patterns and learning to approach the world with more hope. Go out with friends after work instead of going straight home. Join a club or group so you can share new experiences with others. Develop a new hobby. Put yourself out there in ways that make you mildly uncomfortable at first.
  8. Keep track of your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Journaling is a great way to understand why you have been feeling hopeless and it is also a great stress reliever. To get started, buy a beautiful journal and a nice pen or pencil. Choose a comfortable place and plan to devote about 20 minutes per day to writing. Start by writing about how you are feeling, what you are thinking, or whatever else is on your mind.
  9. Try keeping a gratitude diary. Every night, think of three things you are grateful for and write them down. Doing this every day will help you to develop a more hopeful outlook and it can also help you to sleep better and enjoy better health. 
  10. Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy food, get plenty of rest, and relax. By taking good care of yourself, you are sending your mind signals that you deserve to be happy and treated well which can increase your hope for the future. Make time to take care of yourself
    • Exercise to the best of your ability.
    • Eat a balanced diet of healthy foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
    • Get 7-9 hours of sleep per night. Use good sleep hygiene if you have trouble sleeping.
    • Set aside at least 15 minutes per day to relax. Practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate.
    • Stay hydrated
    • Go for a massage or have body work such as Reiki to help balance you.
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Hope doesn’t have to be a fleeting thing…it can be a strong and deciding factor in your day to day life. I live every day with the hope it will be a good day. Positivity goes a long way in making me feel better physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m realistic about what I am and am not able to do, but I never give up hope that things will be better. It’s all about attitude and choosing how you want to feel.

I hope these ideas and suggestions are useful for you. I named my blog There Is Always Hope because I truly believe that statement. Even in the worst of our moments, I believe there is always a tiny light burning bright for us. We just have to look for it. Sometimes that means stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something we never thought we were capable of, but if we can overcome our fear, we may be surprised as to what we find.

And so I end this post as I always do and I mean it even more today…

There Is Always Hope

chronic pain and addictions (1)
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Interview October – Elisa Austin

Today we meet my final guest for Interview October, the wonderful Elisa Austin. Please join me in welcoming her!

Introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you…

I am a 50 year old, mother of eight and grandmother. I’m a photographer and writer.

One fascinating fact about me is:

I am still existing. 

Chronic illness(es)/disabilities I have… 

I have underactive thyroid (Hashimoto’s), Fibromyalgia, and IBS

My symptoms/condition began…

The thyroid condition was diagnosed in 1999 because I was just “off” and “dragging.” Fibromyalgia was diagnosed in 2004 although I believe symptoms began earlier.

My diagnosis process was… 

My doctor ruled out most things with blood tests and sent me to a rheumatologist. The rheumatologist ruled out RA and by process of elimination Fibromyalgia was diagnosed.

The hardest part of living with my illness/disabilities is…

Knowing there is no cure and I will have to deal with the pain every day for the rest of my life.

A typical day for me involves…

Medication, necessary appointments or activities, and with luck some housework.

The one thing I cannot live without is…

It rotates through warm baths, heating pads, aromatherapy, family, exercise

Being ill/disabled has taught me…

That I’m stronger and more determined than I had originally thought. 

My support system is…

My family and an online group

If I had one day symptom/disability-free I would…

I don’t even know. I no longer make plans or have dreams.

One positive of having a chronic illness/disability is…

I am more supportive of others

One final thing I want people to know is: 

I refuse to give up.

Interview October – Jamie Pirtle

It’s time to meet my next guest, the lovely Jamie Pirtle. Enjoy her story!

Introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you…


I was born blind in one eye and with a condition called nystagmus, where my eyes continually move.  The doctors are not sure why, but have suspicions that it could be because my mom smoked and had mono while pregnant.  

I grew up in the south eating meat, potatoes, gravy and biscuits almost every meal. My way of eating was pretty much carbs, carbs and more carbs. A meal without a potato was pretty much a sin.

As a teen, I started to eat junk food, including diet coke and snickers for lunch and the diagnoses started coming in during my late 20’s. 

Conditions you have been diagnosed with:

  • Mitral Valve Prolapse
  • High Cholesterol
  • Arthritis (in remission)
  • IBS 
  • Lupus (in remission)
  • Ankylosing spondylitis (in remission)
  • Endometriosis (had hysterectomy)
  • Thyroid cancer (removed and now take meds)

I can remember staying in the bed all day one Mother’s Day crying because I couldn’t play with my 2-year-old daughter or go see my mom.  The pain and unpredictable bowel movements were just too much.  

I didn’t get to take vacation from work because I used all my time off going to specialist and staying home sick.

I can’t wait to hear about YOUR progress!

At about age 49, I started following a health coach on Facebook and listening to him talk about how what we eat results in autoimmune diseases.  This coupled with returning from a cruise so sick I missed another week of work, I decided I had to do something 

I first went gluten free and started eliminating junk food and diet cokes. Next, I cut out all aspartame, high fructose corn syrup and most fried foods. This helped, but there was still something missing. 

Then I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. When you hear these dreaded words, your world stops.  I remember sitting in the parking lot of the doctor’s office talking to my husband on the phone and saying, I have to figure out what is causing this. 

I started studying everything I could get my hands on and decided the only way to go was to eat whole, mostly organic foods. I also cut out as many carbs as I could and cut way back on sugar. 

After improving my lifestyle, I feel SO much better in my 50’s than I ever did in my 30’s and 40’s. I went from taking 9, yes NINE daily prescriptions to just ONE (my necessary thyroid medicine) and eliminated the pain associated with several autoimmune diseases.

One fascinating fact about me is:

I went back to school at age 53 and became a certified health coach so I can help others get healthy and not have to live in pain like I did.  I also beat cancer and plan to stay cancer free! 

My symptoms/condition began…

In my late 20’s. (born with the eyes) 

My diagnosis process was… 

Long and tedious. The doctors just kept telling me I was too stressed at work and I needed to learn to relax. I also knew something was wrong with my thyroid and it took almost 2 years for doctors to finally find the cancer after I insisted on a sonogram and biopsy. 

The hardest part of living with my illness/disabilities is…

People think I am ignoring them when I cannot see them out of my bad eye or they think I’m drunk or high as my eyes move. When I was in school the teachers thought I was day dreaming because it was easier for me to focus on them by turning my head and creating a null point that made my eyes stop moving. It is also hard to do fun activities like bowling due to some joint pain from time to time. 

A typical day for me involves…

Eating healthy and making sure I drink lots of water, take my supplements, use essential oils and remember the food makes a HUGE difference in how I feel. I work a demanding manager job with a large aero defense company and have a side gig as a heath coach and blogger. 

The one thing I cannot live without is…

My glasses for sure!  But also, healthy foods and supplements – I take lots of supplements. 

Being ill/disabled has taught me…

That life is precious and we really are what we eat.  I have also learned not to push myself and to try to destress as much as possible. 

My support system is…

My husband, family and friends.  I have also found joy now in my health coaching clients.  It is such a great feeling to see them losing weight and regaining energy. 

If I had one day symptom/disability-free I would…

Go watch a 3D movie! They don’t work for me with my bad eyes.  

One positive of having a chronic illness/disability is…

It has made me strong and made me a lifelong learner.  I can no longer rely on others to make medical decisions for me and research everything a doctor tells me. 

One final thing I want people to know is:

Food is a HUGE factor in your health and how you feel. Unfortunately, many doctors want to give you a pill and not educate you on the importance of good nutrition. 

My links are: 

Healthywithjamie.com

https://m.facebook.com/healthywithjamie/

https://www.instagram.com/healthywithjamie1/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/2109386845847472/?ref=share

https://www.linkedin.com/in/jamiehyatt1

Free recipe book with 23 gluten free and Keto friendly healthy recipes: 

https://healthywithjamie.com/free-recipe-book/#

Interview October – Aleisha Crabb

It’s time to introduce my next guest, the vibrant Miss Aleisha Crabb. I’m delighted to share her story here!

Introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you…

My name is Aleisha & I live in Canberra, Australia. I was born in a country town in New South Wales called Dubbo & my parents moved to Canberra when I was 1 year old.

I am a Nurse, and I work in Drug & Alcohol. My work has given me an amazing insight into human nature, and the complexities surrounding chronic pain, opioid use & addictions. I absolutely love my job & cannot imagine working anywhere better considering my own life experience of chronic pain.

One fascinating fact about me is:

I have a ridiculous good memory for movie/TV show quotes. I remember the most bizarrely un-memorable lines from movies & shows, haha. 

Chronic illness(es)/disabilities I have…

  • Psoriatic Arthritis (with associated Enthesitis & Bursitis)
  • Osteoarthritis
  • Sleep Apnea
  • Polycystic Ovary Syndrome
  • Idiopathic Intercranial Hypertension
  • Trigeminal Neuralgia
  • Generalised Anxiety Disorder

My symptoms/condition began…

I injured my knee in my first year of nursing. That injury seems to have been the catalyst for triggering the onslaught of my Psoriatic Arthritis.

My diagnosis process was…

Tedious. The GP I was seeing when I first injured my knee was what I now know to be quite lazy, and was very disinterested in holistic care.

It took a very long time for him to refer me to a Rheumatologist, but when I eventually was, I was triaged as urgent & was seen in weeks. Some people have had to wait over 12 months to get into them, so for that I am very grateful.

From there I was diagnosed first as Undifferentiated Spondyloarthropathy, and as my symptoms progressed, and more specific symptoms presented, I was eventually diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis.

The majority of my other conditions were more easily & quickly diagnosed.

The hardest part of living with my illness/disabilities is…

The fatigue. Pain is something I have learned to manage, but the severely depleted energy levels is not something I have ever been able to successfully become accustomed to.

A typical day for me involves…

  • Wake up around 730am.
  • Medication and breakfast (if I am feeling up to it, sometimes I am too tired/nauseous).
  • Feed the cat. He will look at me forlornly (and disdainfully) if I don’t 😉
  • Work is from 9am – 530pm. (I have had my start time adjusted to 9am from 830am so that I am able to manage morning stiffness from my PsA. This gives me an extra 1hour at home due to peak hour traffic!)
  • Home for dinner around 6pm. Sometimes I have cooked something, othertimes it is takeaway or a pre-delivered meal service like Lite & Easy.
  • Medications around 7pm as one is to prepare for sleep.
  • Bed at 9pm after a shower usually. I do a nighttime meditation to help sleep.

The one thing I cannot live without is…

 My cat. He is my ever present comfort, amusement & joy throughout the trials & tribulations of chronic illness. 

Being ill/disabled has taught me…

To slow down & enjoy life. I am so relaxed about life & what I am able to enjoy now.

My support system is…

My family & close friends. They are essential to my emotional wellbeing 😊 

If I had one day symptom/disability-free I would…

Walk up a mountain to have a picnic, visit a remote Indigenous site in Australia that requires lots of walking to access & camp under the stars without my CPAP machine! 

One positive of having a chronic illness/disability is…

The people I have connected with as a result 😊 . The connections I have made since becoming chronically ill have become incredibly important and special to me, and I have made some lifelong friends.

Having people in your life who understand the difficulties associated with chronic illnesses and disabilities, can relate to the challenges and frustrations you face every day and truly care about your wellbeing can never be underestimated.

One final thing I want people to know is:

Its OK not to be OK.

The biggest challenge for me has been slowing down & how difficult that has been at times. I was always an active person before I became unwell; always taking on lots of challenges. Now, I have to drastically limit my activities in any given day as overactivity can bring on severe flares. This was a huge change for me & emotionally I was quite overwhelmed & became very anxious.

I want all people to know it is ALWAYS OK to tell others that they need more support if they are finding the emotional toll of their chronic illness/disabilities too hard to manage on their own.

My links are:

https://acrabbycripple.wordpress.com/

Interview October – Keiran Potter

It’s time to meet my next guest, the fabulous Keiran Potter! I’m excited about what he has to share!

Keiran Potter

Introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you…

Hello, my name is Keiran Potter, I am 21 years old and I am from the South West of England. I am currently studying English Literature and Creative Writing at University and hope to pursue a career as a writer if all goes to plan. But you know what they say, best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. 

One fascinating fact about me is:

Not sure how fascinating any of my facts are but I am 22 this month and still often get mistaken for a 12 year old at my local shops. Oh and I’m gay, not fascinating but definitely a fact. 

Chronic illness(es)/disabilities I have…

Celiac Disease and Various Mental Health problems but for the sake of this interview I’ll focus on the former

My symptoms/condition began…

The symptoms of Celiac were present for an awful long time before I recognised them as something that could be potentially sinister. The stomach pain, migraines and bleeding had been such a regular thing for me, that it became the norm and I failed to question it for a long time. So I’d say as long as I remember I have had the issue but it wasn’t further explored until May 2018 

My diagnosis process was… 

 I had to have blood tests and several other samples. Celiac Disease can share some symptoms with other serious conditions like intestinal cancers, so my doctor was pretty concerned. Once they came back I got referred to a specialist on a 9 month waiting list. In the interim they told me to research about Celiac Disease and cut out Gluten from my diet. They failed to tell me that by doing this it would also put other aspects of my health at risk. Such as my heart. 

When I was referred I was then asked to eat Gluten again after being gluten-free for 9 months, in order to have an upper endoscopy and biopsy of my intestines. 

So all of my symptoms got more aggressive and I was in constant pain as my body had began healing in the 9 months that I had known about my potential diagnosis 

The first biopsy was inconclusive. I had to wait another 3 months and get another one done. It was quite a hellish experience to be honest but I finally got the 100% confirmation of the disease. Which in many ways was a blessing as I finally had some answers 

The hardest part of living with my illness/disabilities is…

The constant vigilance and endless fatigue and stomach pain. Even when doing everything you should be doing. Sometimes you have issues for no apparent reason and there is literally no answer to appease your concerns or pain. 

A typical day for me involves…

 A lot of thinking ahead about the risks of everyday living. Such as eating or spending the day out of the house in an unfamiliar place. A lot of time spent on or near a toilet. University, I study English and Creative Writing. Lots of medication but thankfully a lot of laughs 

The one thing I cannot live without is…

 Not really a thing but my support system and the people who help and love me the most. I quite literally would not be alive if it wasn’t for them. 

Being ill/disabled has taught me…

To value every aspect of your life for what it is. You never know when those simple joys may be taken from you. It has also made me more appreciative of health in general. Our bodies are not as indestructible as we may like to think sometimes  

My support system is…

My Family, my mum specifically. I don’t think I would show up to half of the appointments I have if it wasn’t for her dragging me there by the ear. I’m very grateful for all the help and care she gives me 

If I had one day symptom/disability-free I would…

 Eat some Chinese food and go do something productive and just enjoy the day without the illness. I would take advantage of some of the freedoms that I feel I don’t have as much access too since my illnesses have truly taken a hold on my life

One positive of having a chronic illness/disability is…

I think one positive is how you can then use your knowledge of your own body and conditions to educate and help others. There is also a sense of community instantly when you find people who struggle with the same illnesses and experiences. It’s important that all voices are heard, so I’m glad interviews like this amplify the voices of disabled or chronically ill people. 

One final thing I want people to know is:

 Only because a person may not look ill, it doesn’t mean they are not struggling everyday to live their life as normally as possible. Always be kind to everyone you meet as even if you can’t physically see it, that person could be in pain and/ or mental strife. A smile could always brighten up their day 

My links are:

Https://KeiranCrying.com/blog

Instagram.com/keirancrying

A Positivity Pause (Quotes To Help Your Frame Of Mind)

When you live with Chronic Pain, you often find yourself juggling various mood swings. It’s hard to stay positive when you’re in pain all the time, so here are some quotes to help you stay on track or to turn to when you need to be uplifted.

Thanks to Success.com for the following:

1. Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”

— Helen Keller


2. “Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you’ll start having positive results.”

— Willie Nelson


3. “Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose.”

— Lyndon B. Johnson


4. “In order to carry a positive action we must develop here a positive vision.”

— Dalai Lama


5. “I always like to look on the optimistic side of life, but I am realistic enough to know that life is a complex matter.”

— Walt Disney


6. “Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will.”

— Zig Ziglar


7. “Pessimism leads to weakness, optimism to power.”

— William James


8. “You can’t make positive choices for the rest of your life without an environment that makes those choices easy, natural, and enjoyable.”

— Deepak Chopra


9. “The thing that lies at the foundation of positive change, the way I see it, is service to a fellow human being.”

— Lee lacocca


10. “Positive thinking is more than just a tagline. It changes the way we behave. And I firmly believe that when I am positive, it not only makes me better, but it also makes those around me better.”

— Harvey Mackay


11. “In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact.”

— Les Brown


12. “I’m a very positive thinker, and I think that is what helps me the most in difficult moments.”

— Roger Federer


13. “Perpetual optimism is a force multiplier.”

— Colin Powell


14. “Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.”

— Winston Churchill


15. “Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so let us all be thankful.”

— Buddha

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Quotes for Daily Living from Goodreads

“Think before you speak. Read before you think.”
― Fran Lebowitz, The Fran Lebowitz Reader
“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you.” 
― Walt Whitman
“Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”
― Bruce Lee
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
― Mary Manin Morrissey
“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
“Everything in moderation, including moderation.”
― Oscar Wilde
“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.”
― Max Ehrmann, Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life
“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
― John Wooden
“Dream as if you will live forever; Live as if you will die today.”
― James Dean
“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”
― John Wesley
“Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.”
― Mark Twain
“The way to happiness: Keep your heart free from hate, your mind from worry. Live simply, expect little, give much. Scatter sunshine, forget self, think of others. Try this for a week and you will be surprised.”
― Norman Vincent Peale, The Power of Positive Thinking
“The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it.”
― Thomas S. Monson
“Run mad as often as you choose, but do not faint!”
― Jane Austen, Love and Friendship
“Sit in a room and read–and read and read. And read the right books by the right people. Your mind is brought onto that level, and you have a nice, mild, slow-burning rapture all the time.”
― Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth
“Be grateful, be smart, be clean, be true, be humble, be prayerful.”
“Never tell your problems to anyone…20% don’t care and the other 80% are glad you have them.”
― Lou Holtz
“Don’t count the days, make the days count.”
― Muhammad Ali
“Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly, leave the rest to God.”
― Ronald Reagan
“May I share with you a formula that in my judgment will help you and help me to journey well through mortality… First, fill your mind with truth; second, fill your life with service; and third, fill your heart with love.”
― Thomas S. Monson
“Meditate.
Live purely. Be quiet.
Do your work with mastery.
Like the moon, come out
from behind the clouds!
Shine”
― Siddhārtha Gautama
“In dwelling, live close to the ground. In thinking, keep to the simple. In conflict, be fair and generous. In governing, don’t try to control. In work, do what you enjoy. In family life, be completely present.”
― Lao Tzu
“Being yourself is all it takes. If you want to impress someone don’t be someone else just be yourself.”
― Selena Gomez
“The most important thing to do if you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging.”
― Warren Buffett
“Never lie in bed at night asking yourself questions you can’t answer.”
― Charles M. Schulz
“Before you speak, listen.
Before you write, think.
Before you spend, earn.
Before you invest, investigate.
Before you criticize, wait.
Before you pray, forgive.
Before you quit, try.
Before you retire, save.
Before you die, give.”
― William Arthur Ward
“Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.”
― William Blake, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell
“Breathe properly. Stay curious. And eat your beets.”
― Tom Robbins, Jitterbug Perfume
“It is foolish to tear one’s hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness.”
― Marcus Tullius Cicero
There Is Always Hope

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Note: This post contains Affiliate Links which pay me a small percentage of your purchase price at no cost to you.

When you live with Chronic Pain, everything you do becomes a new challenge. Working, socializing, taking care of kids and/or a home – you still need to do it all and live your life, but now you have persistant pain as your constant companion. Often, you find yourself compromising or looking for better ways of doing things, so your pain isn’t exacerbated.

One of the areas of life with Chronic Pain which is often not talked about is intimacy and your sexual well-being. These are crucial components of a good relationship, but what happens when pain causes you to withdraw from sexual relations, and intimacy begins to suffer? Let’s talk about some of the reasons this happens and what can be done.

Difficulties with intimacy may stem from various causes, including increased pain during sexual activity, a lack of arousal and accompanying vaginal dryness, the inability to reach orgasm, side effects from the use of opioids and other commonly-used medications (eg, certain antidepressants), a past history of sexual abuse, and issues with communication in general.

Because of Chronic Pain, you may find your overall relationship has begun to suffer. A partner may withdraw from you because they don’t know how to help you. This translates to the bedroom, where they may be afraid to cause you more pain or they’re dealing with their own issues regarding your health. Perhaps your partner has become resentful of the extra burden placed on them with your inability to do certain chores now.

A change in standard routines can be upsetting for everyone and this may cause extra fatigue for you both, which also causes you to withdraw from intimacy. Sleep may be what you crave the most, and when your partner wants to have sex, it’s the last thing on your mind.

So how do you overcome these issues? What do you do to make sex more enjoyable for both of you? Here is an expanded list of ideas from a previous post that might be a good starting point.

  • Talk. Make a point of talking openly and honestly about what you are feeling. If there is fear about pain, talk about it and what you can do to alleviate any extra. If you feel disconnected from your partner because it’s been a long time since you last were intimate, talk about those feelings and what you’re worrying about. Do you have scars or extra weight that is causing you concern? Be honest about how you feel. It can be very vulnerable to speak the truth, but it often brings you closer to your partner in the long run.
  • Touch. Exploring your partner’s body through touch is an exciting way to express your sexual feelings. This can include holding hands, cuddling, fondling, stroking, massaging and kissing. Touch in any form increases feelings of intimacy.
  • Self-stimulation. Masturbation is a normal and healthy way to fulfil your sexual needs. One partner may use masturbation during mutual sexual activity if the other partner is unable to be very active.
  • Oral sex. It can be an alternative or supplement to traditional intercourse.
  • Toys. Use of various sex toys can help loosen inhibitions, relax the body and make intercourse more enjoyable.
  • Different positions. Lie side by side, kneel or sit. Look in your library or bookstore for a guide that describes and illustrates different ways to have intercourse. If you’re embarrassed to get this kind of book locally, try an online book retailer.
  • Vibrators and lubricants. A vibrator can add pleasure without physical exertion. If lack of natural lubrication is a problem, over-the-counter lubricants can prevent pain from vaginal dryness.
  • Pillows and wedges. Make use of pillows and wedges to help find comfortable positions that alleviate pressure points. A good sex shop can help you find products specifically made for this purpose.
  • Change your expectations. Because reaching orgasm can be almost impossible when you are on certain medications, you may find changing your expectations for sex will help you enjoy lovemaking more. Don’t make orgasm the ultimate goal…just enjoy sex for what it is – a pleasurable experience.
  • Ask for what you need. Listen to your body and what it’s telling you during sex. If certain activities make you feel better, do more of that. Lovemaking doesn’t always have to end in intercourse. Oral sex during a lovemaking session may be all that you desire, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
  • Prepare in Advance. It’s important for people with Chronic Pain to understand that sexual activity often takes a lot of planning. There is not as much spontaneity as there used to be. You may find you need to take your pain medication, apply heat, or stretch before sexual activity. This is also a good time to try increasing your arousal by reading erotica, watching a video, or having your partner give you a massage in the area of your pain.
  • Timing. Choose a time of day when you have less pain as a time to be sexually active. For some people as the day goes on, the pain gets worse, but the opposite also may be true for others. If you have kids, you may have to sneak away for a quickie, but even that is better than no sex at all. If you can arrange for the kids to be away overnight, it gives you plenty of time to relax and set the stage for intimacy.

Sex is meant to be a natural part of a relationship. Just because you live with Chronic Pain doesn’t preclude you from being able to enjoy lovemaking with your partner. You might want to try some of these products to bring a new spark to your bed (or living room or bathroom or…)

Kiss Me Massage Oil

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Lynk Anal Lubricant

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Kegel Exercisor and App

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Female Stimulant

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Personal Wand Massager

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Personal Portable Vibrator

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Love Worth Making – an Intimacy Book

Chronic Pain And Intimacy (And How To Spice Up Your Life)

Remember,

There Is Always Hope

10 Celebrities Who Live With Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia is a condition that affects millions of people in North America. While typically thought of as an “everyday person”s condition, there are a number of celebrities who live with Fibromyalgia who have talked about it in public. It’s helpful to know we’re not alone, and because of these people, Fibromyalgia is starting to gain more recognition.

Here is a list of 10 Celebrities who live with Fibromyalgia.

Lady Gaga

LadyGaga

Lady Gaga is perhaps the most well-known celebrity with Fibromyalgia. After struggling with chronic pain for many years, she confirmed in September 2017 that the cause of her pain was fibromyalgia.

In her Netflix documentary “Gaga: Five Foot Two,” released on September 22/18, Gaga opened up about the challenges of finding treatments and coping techniques to help manage her symptoms. She is seen using ice packs and trying deep massage and dry needling as ways to help manage the pain.

“I am praying that more and more people come forward and we can all share what helps/hurts so we can help each other” Gaga said in a recent tweet.

Morgan Freeman

Morgan Freeman Best Movies and TV Shows

Morgan Freeman is the actor best known for roles in The Shawshank Redemption, The Bucket List with Jack Nicholson and for winning an Academy Award for his role as a beaten up cornerman for Clint Eastwood in Million Dollar Baby.

In 2008, Morgan Freeman was involved in a car crash that left him with multiple injuries, including a shattered left arm. He went through a 4-hour long surgery to save his arm and has talked in several interviews since he continues to experience “excruciating” nerve pain and now lives with fibromyalgia.

In 2015 he told The Daily Beast he treats the pain with marijuana. “Marijuana has many useful uses,” he says. “I have fibromyalgia pain in this arm, and the only thing that offers any relief is marijuana”.

Lena Dunham

Though she had previously been vocal about her struggles with endometriosis and chronic pain, Lena Dunham revealed in an Instagram post in October of 2018 that she has fibromyalgia. She described what it’s like to have an “invisible” illness like fibro, writing, “I appear to be totally able-bodied but it’s complex, and I am just trying to do everything required to maintain a life of joy and service. My work costs everything I have. This is fibromyalgia. It’s little understood and so even though I have a lot of knowledge and support it’s hard to shake the feeling I am crazy. But I’m not (at least not this way!) and you’re not.”

Dunham continued to say that pain, however it presents — whether it has a visible culprit or not — is valid. She wrote, “Your pain, whatever shape it takes, is yours and so it is real. I believe you when you say you hurt. I have learned time and time again how important it is to believe.”

Sinead O’Connor


Sinead O’Connor is an Irish singer-songwriter who stepped away from music in 2003 because she was struggling with fibromyalgia and wanted to take care of her children.

“Fibromyalgia is not curable. But it’s manageable,” O’Connor said in a 2005 interview with HOTPRESS. “I have a high pain threshold, so that helps – it’s the tiredness part that I have difficulty with. You get to know your patterns and limits, though, so you can work and plan around it. It is made worse, obviously, by stress. So you have to try to keep life quiet and peaceful.”

Sinead returned to the music scene in 2005. Despite numerous setbacks, she said she hopes to continue singing and doing what she loves but stays away from the parts that cause her excessive stress, which can exacerbate fibromyalgia symptoms.

Mary McDonough

“The Waltons” actress Mary McDonough has been very open about her battles with fibromyalgia, lupus and Sjogren’s syndrome. She believes she developed the conditions after having an adverse reaction to breast implants she had inserted in an effort to reinvent herself following the series’ end.

“Within 24 hours I broke out into a rash all over my back and my chest,” McDonough told Smashing Interviews Magazine. “But over the course of the 10 years, I just couldn’t put my finger on that. I just didn’t feel right. The chronic fatigue set in, the rashes, the rash across my nose and the bridge of my face which we now know is like a lupus rash, the joint pain, the muscle stiffness, eventually being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, and then the collagen disorder called Sjogren’s syndrome, my hair fell out and I would be tired all of the time.”

McDonough is now a public speaker, author and workshop leader, often talking with young women about their struggles with body image and self-esteem.

Kyle Richards

“Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” star Kyle Richards said she first became sick while her mom was sick with cancer, but was initially told she was depressed because her mom had passed. 

A friend told her she might have fibromyalgia, so she went to a doctor who specializes in the condition who confirmed her diagnosis. “All of a sudden I felt like I had an answer and I felt better because it causes so much anxiety [not knowing],” Richards said.

Richards has since sought out alternative methods for treating her fibromyalgia pain — on “The Healer,” she worked with Charlie Goldsmith, an “energy healer” who aims to help people reduce their chronic pain.

Janeane Garofalo

Actress and comedian Janeane Garofalo has been very open throughout her career about her struggles with fibromyalgia as well as mental and emotional issues, including anxiety and depression. She has even incorporated her fibro into her stand-up routine, using humour and laughter to cope with the pain she experiences.

“I had no idea I was chronically dissatisfied,” she said about being prescribed an antidepressant for her fibromyalgia.

Michael James Hastings

Michael James Hastings, known for his role as Captain Mike on “The West Wing,” had to retire from being a school teacher at age 35 due to fibromyalgia. It was his chronic pain that led him to move to Los Angeles to pursue a part-time acting career.

Hastings has said that he copes with the symptoms of fibro with natural means, such as supplements, exercise, massage therapy, acupuncture and visits to the chiropractor.

“I also have learned to accept that some days I am not going to be able to keep up with my schedule or other peoples’ schedules and I just need to rest and ‘lighten up,’” he said in an interview with the website Back Pain Relief.

A.J. Langer

a.j. langer

Actress A.J. Langer, best known for her role on “My So-Called Life,” “Seinfeld” and “Three Sisters,” was diagnosed with fibromyalgia as a teenager but continued to pursue acting. After filming “Three Sisters,” Langer took a break to figure out how to manage her symptoms and put her health first. She has experimented with a number of alternative therapies to help her cope with fibromyalgia, including surfing, yoga and meditation.

In an episode of the Aches and Gains podcast with Dr. Paul Christo, Langer said, “There are different levels of learning you go through with fibromyalgia… One is I’m all alone, you know, no one else understands this pain. And then there’s a point you can get to where it becomes universal and you understand that everybody’s got something. I’ve come to terms with the fact that my body has a fragile ecosystem and I’ve gotta tend to it.”

Kirsty Young

Kirsty Young

Kirsty Young, a broadcaster on the BBC Radio 4 show “Desert Island Discs,” announced in 2018 that she would be taking a break from the position due to fibromyalgia. She explained: “Casting away some of the world’s most fascinating people is a wonderful job – however, I’m having to take some time away from Desert Island Discs as I’m suffering from a form of fibromyalgia.”

Young indicated that she hoped to spend some time healing and then return to the show.

 

It’s nice to know that celebrities are just like the rest of us and suffer through the same types of illnesses that we do. I commend all of these people for sharing their stories in the public eye. To them and to you, I say…

There Is Always Hope!

25 Inspirational Quotes

From time to time, I like to share quotes that I think are beautiful, to help inspire my readers or just make you think. Here are 25 of the most inspirational quotes I’ve found lately to share with you today. 

2

  1. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?
    Marianne Williamson.
  2. Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
    Dale Carnegie.
  3. Anyone can give up; it’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone would expect you to fall apart, that’s true strength.
    Chris Bradford.
  4. Life is full of screwups. You’re supposed to fail sometimes. It’s a required part of the human existence.
    Sarah Dessen.
  5. Hard times don’t create heroes. It is during the hard times when the hero within us is revealed.
    Bob Riley.4
  6. When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven’t.
    Thomas A. Edison.
  7. You can play it safe, and I wouldn’t blame you for it. You can continue as you’ve been doing, and you’ll survive, but is that what you want? Is that enough?
    J.M. Darhower.
  8. Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten.
    Neil Gaiman.
  9. Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
    Louisa May.
  10. Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals.
    If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.
    Roy T. Bennett.5
  11. It’s not about perfect. It’s about effort. And when you bring that effort every single day, that’s where transformation happens. That’s how change occurs.
    Jillian Michaels.
  12. Reach high, for stars lie hidden in you. Dream deep, for every dream precedes the goal.
    Rabindranath Tagore.
  13. Limitations live only in our minds. But if we use our imaginations, our possibilities become limitless.
    Jamie Paolinetti.
  14. When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.
    Harriet Beecher Stowe.
  15. You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.
    Richelle E. Goodrich.7
  16. You never know what’s around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you’ve climbed a mountain.
    Tom Hiddleston.
  17. If one dream should fall and break into a thousand pieces, never be afraid to pick one of those pieces up and begin again.
    Flavia Weedn.
  18. Just because you fail once, doesn’t mean you’re gonna fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on, and always, always, always believe in yourself, because if you don’t, then who will? So keep your head high, keep your chin up, and most importantly, keep smiling, because life’s a beautiful thing and there’s so much to smile about.
    Marilyn Monroe.
  19. Don’t let something make you miserable if you can do something about it. If that’s what makes you happy, go for it.
    Kate Brauning.
  20. A boat is always safe in the harbor, but that’s not what boats are built for.
    Katie Couric.
  21. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
    Mark Twain.
  22. Your complaints, your drama, your victim mentality, your whining, your blaming, and all of your excuses have NEVER gotten you even a single step closer to your goals or dreams. Let go of your nonsense. Let go of the delusion that you DESERVE better and go EARN it!
    Steve Maraboli.
  23. I don’t believe in failure, because simply by saying you’ve failed, you’ve admitted you attempted. And anyone who attempts is not a failure. Those who truly fail in my eyes are the ones who never try at all. The ones who sit on the couch and whine and moan and wait for the world to change for them.
    Sarah Dessen.
  24. Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.
    Unknown.
  25. Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.
    Harriet Tubman.6


there is always hope

 

 

20 Quotes To Reduce Stress When You Have An Invisible Illness

Having Fibromyalgia, or any Invisible Illness is hard to live with. People can’t see your pain like they can with other conditions, and we often have to put up with the platitudes of “but you don’t look sick”, or “oh, I get aches and pains all the time too”. Hearing these comments over and over can lead to depression, frustration and resentment. Stress builds and makes you hurt even more, and so a vicious circle begins. 

It’s time to read something more positive, words that you can cling to and keep close at heart. These quotes are from a variety of different people who seem to have a handle on anxiety and stress. I hope their words help you. Thanks to Live Purposefully Now for the list:

Ocean with giant rock and the words Stress Free Zone

Quotes

1. Anxiety’s like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you very far. Jodi Picoult

2. You don’t have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop letting them control you. Dan Millman

3. Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength. Charles Spurgeon

4. I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.  Steve Maraboli

5. You can’t always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside. Wayne Dyer

6. When you change the way you look at life you literally shape a different life for yourself. Elle Sommer

7. I just give myself permission to suck. I find this hugely liberating. John Green

8. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes everything is an emergency. Natalie Goldberg

9. Don’t try to force anything. Let life be a deep let-go. God opens millions of flowers every day without forcing their buds. Osho

10. Breath is the power behind all things…. I breathe in and know that good things will happen. Tao Porchon-Lynch

11. You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway. Steve Maraboli 

12. If the problem can be solved why worry? If the problem cannot be solved worrying will do you no good.  Shantideva

13. The key to reducing anxiety is to let each situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be. Elle Sommer

14. One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. Bertrand Russell

15. Many a calm river begins as a turbulent waterfall, yet none hurtles and foams all the way to the sea. Mikhail Lermontov

16. The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another. William James

17. Stress is the trash of modern life we all generate it but if you don’t dispose of it properly, it will pile up and overtake your life. Danzae Pace

18. Rule number one is, don’t sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it’s all small stuff.  Robert Eliot

19. Today I refuse to stress myself out about things I cannot control or change. Anonymous

20. If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. Marcus Aurelius

Living A Stress-Free Life

Stress-Free

Re-examine Your Values

Or examine them for the first time. Your values will always make it clear to you what you want in life.

Once you are clear on your values, you can begin to identify the things you could do away with. Those things will probably be your stressors, so this tip helps to clear your mind and prepare for the changes ahead.

Forgive Yourself

You can’t begin to live stress-free if you can’t forgive yourself. If there are issues from your past you haven’t dealt with, you are likely to be filled with stress over them. Living with regrets is also stressful. 

Life is meant to be enjoyed. And it’s a journey, not a destination. Just because you took a detour to the wrong side doesn’t mean you can’t find your way back to the right path. Work toward becoming a better person. Let your mistakes be life lessons. Everyone makes mistakes, remember that. And put the past in the past where it belongs.

Forgive Others

This goes hand in hand with forgiving yourself. Just as it’s important to forgive yourself, it’s equally important that you forgive others for the wrongs they’ve done to you.

Others are just as worthy of forgiveness as you are. Forgiving others frees you more than it frees them and the extra baggage you’ve been carrying around is liberating to let go of as well. 

Accept Your Life Just The Way It Is

No one is promised a perfect life. Though we all strive to achieve happiness and contentment in our lives, it doesn’t always turn out that way. The key to acceptance is to accept it just the way it is. Accepting it doesn’t mean settling in it. It means consciously acknowledging it instead of running away from it in denial.

Whatever your life circumstances, accept them. Only when you accept your life circumstances can you begin to take steps to improve them. This will definitely help you to live stress-free.

Think The Best Of Every Situation

Whatever the situation is that you’re going through, be it divorce, disease, failing at school, getting fired from work, etc., you can still find some good in it. I know that sounds simplistic, but there are always reasons to be grateful as long as you don’t play the victim and accept the circumstances for what they are. 

You still have the power to change things. That power is what leads to a stress-free life. Acceptance can be liberating. 

Be Present In Everything You Do

It’s easy to be preoccupied with other things while we are doing one thing, and this elevates stress. If you are washing dishes, but now you are worried about paying the bills and the kids’ tuition, and the mortgage, then stress is bound to overwhelm you.

Instead, learn to be present in what you are doing. You can teach yourself to think of only washing the dishes. You can compartmentalize everything so that you don’t let your stressors dominate all your time. This way you don’t let stress prevent you from being productive. 

Declutter Your Life

And do this in every way imaginable if you want to live stress-free. People have a lot of stress because they have a lot of material, mental, emotional, financial, intellectual and social clutter. If only they could declutter their lives.

You don’t need all those other things outside of your basic needs. Stop hoarding stuff because managing it means stress. Simplify your life in the best possible way.

Be Grateful

Don’t underestimate the significance of gratitude if you want to live stress-free. Most people can’t get out of stress because instead of being grateful for the good things in their lives, they are busy whining about the bad things in their lives.

Sometimes they whine even about the good things because they’ve become blind to how lucky they are. If you are like that, it’s time to change. Gratitude is the best antidote for stress, so take a spoonful and live stress-free.