Living life with fibromyalgia comes with its challenges. The pain, fatigue, and brain fog can feel defeating and difficult to deal with. However, just because you are living with this tricky condition, it does not mean you cannot live a wonderful healthy life at the same time.
While it may take a while to find a combination of things that makes you feel the best and the strongest, you can take solace in the fact you will get there one day! You can live life well with fibromyalgia and in this article, we are going to give you some of the best tips for making that happen.
There is a wide variety of options to choose from but not everything will work for everyone. Your results and success will vary, so it is important to keep in mind that patience and experimentation is key to finding options that will work best for your body.
Seek Help from a Medical Professional
Although it may sound like an obvious thing, you need to make sure you are seeing a doctor or other health care professional to help you manage your fibromyalgia. Whether you are seeking treatment from a conventional doctor, holistic doctor, etc., keeping up with their medications, herbs, supplements, and the like will ensure that your condition is managed properly.
Untreated fibromyalgia will only get worse over time and leave you feeling sick, in pain, and completely depleted of energy. Therefore, it is key to stick to your treatment regime as defined by your doctor of choice.
Although exercise might be the last thing you want to do when you feel like you are in so much pain, keeping an exercise routine will actually help manage your pain and other symptoms. Namely, it can be extremely beneficial for managing your fatigue.
You don’t need to go crazy with exercise though. Simply walking and swimming on a weekly basis is all you need. About 20 to 30 minutes per session 3 days a week is enough to feel the effects.
Another great way to build your strength is through weight training. Speak with your health care professional about the proper way to go about including this type of exercise into your workout regimen.
Get Enough Sleep
As with everyone, getting enough good quality sleep is important to feeling your best on a daily basis. But getting more sleep is even more important for those suffering from fibromyalgia. It can be difficult to sleep well with this condition because of the pain, restless leg syndrome, and the challenges of getting comfortable in bed at night.
But a few tips will help you sleep better at night.
If you go to sleep ad wake up at the same time each morning, this establishes a routine for your body. Eventually your body and brain will learn the time frame in which you sleep, and it will make it easier to go to sleep and stay asleep.
You can also take some time to wind down before going to sleep. Take a bath, diffuse some calming essential oils, read a book, or practice a meditation routine before bedtime. These things will help your body and mind relax.
Eat a Healthy Diet
Eating a healthy and balanced diet with lots of fruits, veggies, and whole-grain will also keep you feeling healthy and strong. Many patients with fibromyalgia often have low levels of vitamin D, so focusing on foods with higher levels of vitamin D can help as well.
Seeing a chiropractor is another way you can help manage your pain and improve range of motion, so you can feel your best and live your best life. A study showed that chiropractic intervention helped manage patients pain levels, improved range of motion in the lumbar and cervical regions of the body and helped with leg raises as well.
By loosening stiff joints and making adjustments to the spine, you can feel much better in no time. Overall, chiropractic care is a good option for Fibromyalgia and a natural and healthy way to give you the best most normal life possible with this condition.
Try Massage Therapy
Another great option to try that is a bit less intimidating than going to the chiropractor is to opt for massage therapy. Massage therapy is great because it is soothing, relaxing, and helps ease any pain you may be experiencing. Many chiropractic offices also offer free massage therapy like in my clinic in Anchorage.
In the end, living with fibromyalgia comes with its challenges and ups and downs. But as with most things in life, this is normal and okay. The good news is there are so many things you can do to help improve your symptoms and live your best life even with the frustrating issues associated with this condition.
Although it may take some time and experimentation, and speaking with your healthcare professional, you are sure to find something that works for you so you can get to feeling your absolute best in no time at all!
About Dr. Brent Wells
Dr. Brent Wells, D.C. is the founder of Better Health Chiropractic & Physical Rehab and has been a chiropractor for over 20 years. His practice has treated thousands of patients from different health problems using various services designed to help give you long-lasting relief.
Dr. Wells is also the author of over 700 online health articles that have been featured on sites such as Dr. Axe and Lifehack. He is a proud member of the American Chiropractic Association and the American Academy of Spine Physicians. And he continues his education to remain active and updated in all studies related to neurology, physical rehab, biomechanics, spine conditions, brain injury trauma, and more.
Living with Chronic Illness is an act of bravery. When each of your days is spent in pain and discomfort, it takes a lot of courage to keep going. I want to talk about hope…how to have it to get through your life and how it helps to keep a person going.
What is HOPE? Here is one definition I found that I think sums it up:
Hope is an optimistic state of mind that is based on an expectation of positive outcomes with respect to events and circumstances in one’s life or the world at large. As a verb, its definitions include: “expect with confidence” and “to cherish a desire with anticipation.”
Being optimistic is essential when you live with Chronic Illness, because the alternative is unacceptable. If you only see negatives, then you end up wallowing in misery and that compounds how you feel physically and mentally. I truly believe that even in the worst illnesses, there are positives to be found.
You gain a better perspective of your own strengths
You show more compassion for others who are struggling
You understand the human condition for what it is and tend to reach out more to others
Every accomplishment is a victory
You find greater wisdom from those around you
Expecting with confidence is based on faith – trusting that what you want the most will come true. Realistic faith is a good thing and ridiculous faith is even better! What is ridiculous faith? It’s when you hope and pray for something which is beyond reasonable expectations, but still anticipate that miracles could happen.
Do you need Religion to have Hope? I don’t think so. It can help in many ways, as prayer can be a very comforting thing, but I don’t think it’s necessary. Many people consider themselves Spiritual rather than Religious and find comfort in ritual, nature or other traditions. Prayer may not be a part of their lives, but they still find comfort in the routines they’ve established for themselves.
I am a Christ Follower and find prayer to be essential to my well-being. It comforts me to know that I have a God who is bigger than me and who holds me in the palm of His hand. I trust that He has a plan for my life and though I may not understand it, I accept it. Acceptance on it’s own can be comforting.
So how does one go about growing Hope in their lives? What steps do you have to take to have faith in the things that are happening in your life, good and bad?
Acknowledge your strengths. Chronic Illness can rob us of our confidence. Try making a list of all of your strengths and accomplishments. Read through the list and congratulate yourself for these positive traits. Understanding that you still have much to offer the world goes a long way in inspiring hope in the soul.
Cultivate supportive relationships. As much as you can, surround yourself with supportive and caring people. People who help you to feel good and encourage you to be your best help to increase your sense of wellbeing. Having a supportive network of friends will help you to further your interests and goals. It’s much easier to find hope within a strong community as opposed to completely on your own
Look at the activities and attitudes of people around you. See if any of them can serve as role models for what you would like to accomplish for yourself. Also, consider how the people around you act and make you feel. When you surround yourself with hope and success, it naturally trickles down into your own life. Like attracts like.
Engage in pleasurable activities. Doing things that you enjoy can also help you to develop your sense of hope. By engaging in activities that make you happy every day, you will have a greater sense of purpose. If you are not sure about what activities bring you the most joy, try out some new things to figure it out. Take a class at your local community college, try a new exercise routine (Aqua-based activities are easy on the body), learn a new skill, or start a new hobby.
Get involved with a cause. Volunteering for a cause you believe in is a great way to cultivate hope towards the future. This can be in either your local community or even an online community if mobility is an issue for you. Patient Advocacy is an area that is under-represented and working with Health Care Organizations can have a huge impact on yourself as well as others who live with Chronic Illness.
Build relationships with others. When you start to build new relationships over common goals or projects, your sense of hope can greatly increase as you see results from your efforts. Involving yourself with other people who share your interests can help you to overcome alienation, which can cause a feeling of hopelessness.
Get out of your comfort zone. This is essential to changing your thought patterns and learning to approach the world with more hope. Go out with friends after work instead of going straight home. Join a club or group so you can share new experiences with others. Develop a new hobby. Put yourself out there in ways that make you mildly uncomfortable at first.
Keep track of your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Journaling is a great way to understand why you have been feeling hopeless and it is also a great stress reliever. To get started, buy a beautiful journal and a nice pen or pencil. Choose a comfortable place and plan to devote about 20 minutes per day to writing. Start by writing about how you are feeling, what you are thinking, or whatever else is on your mind.
Try keeping a gratitude diary. Every night, think of three things you are grateful for and write them down. Doing this every day will help you to develop a more hopeful outlook and it can also help you to sleep better and enjoy better health.
Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat healthy food, get plenty of rest, and relax. By taking good care of yourself, you are sending your mind signals that you deserve to be happy and treated well which can increase your hope for the future. Make time to take care of yourself
Exercise to the best of your ability.
Eat a balanced diet of healthy foods like fruit, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins.
Set aside at least 15 minutes per day to relax. Practice yoga, do deep breathing exercises, or meditate.
Go for a massage or have body work such as Reiki to help balance you.
Hope doesn’t have to be a fleeting thing…it can be a strong and deciding factor in your day to day life. I live every day with the hope it will be a good day. Positivity goes a long way in making me feel better physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m realistic about what I am and am not able to do, but I never give up hope that things will be better. It’s all about attitude and choosing how you want to feel.
I hope these ideas and suggestions are useful for you. I named my blog There Is Always Hope because I truly believe that statement. Even in the worst of our moments, I believe there is always a tiny light burning bright for us. We just have to look for it. Sometimes that means stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something we never thought we were capable of, but if we can overcome our fear, we may be surprised as to what we find.
And so I end this post as I always do and I mean it even more today…
Do you like to wait for things? Are you patient enough that having to wait doesn’t really bother you, or do you get frustrated when you have to wait, even a short time?
I was thinking recently about all the waiting my illnesses have caused me to do. For starters, I wait to feel less pain in my day. I wake up in the morning stiff and sore and sometimes I have to wait to get out of bed because I’m in too much pain.
I take my medications, and then I have to wait for them to kick in. There’s never instant relief, no matter how I long for it. Once the pain pills have started to work their magic, I’m able to start my day. At this point, I’m usually starving because I had to wait to eat.
The whole day goes like this. I wait to get pain relief, I wait until I feel hungry, I wait to take a bath until my husband is home, I wait to do any type of work or hobby until I have some energy. I wait to feel happy. I wait for my husband to come home from work so I have someone to talk with. I wait for the phone to ring from friends who’ve forgotten me.
I don’t mean to sound like a pity party, I’m just sharing the realities of my life. I can’t get out and about to make new friends and with Covid-19 in our lives, it would be impossible to do even if I was able to get out of the house. So, I wait for a miracle to happen, for my pain and fatigue to disappear.
What have I learned with all the waiting? Patience for one thing. I know that things don’t just happen overnight and that all good things take time. I know that I’ll always live with pain, but I’m learning how to manage it as best I can, with the various tools at my disposal.
I use medications, massage, deep breathing, guided meditations and more to manage my days. Sometimes I can distract myself with a good book or a movie. Sometimes a treasured hobby can keep my mind occupied.
Sometimes I write….this blog, my poetry, a letter to myself. Getting words onto paper holds a special place in my heart and I find it healing to go back and read what I wrote during stressful times.
Telling someone about what I’m going through can be very helpful to get me through the day. Often I’ll touch base with my dearest friend Charlotte and just share what’s on my heart. We’ve been friends for 20 years now and she knows me so well.
She asks me the right questions and probes my answers to get to the heart of things. I love how she listens and offers words of wisdom. It makes the waiting easier.
I’ve also been involved in Pain Management groups before and I find them so helpful, because it’s people just like me going through the same situations that I do. They get me…they know what the waiting is like.
I am an active volunteer and sit on several various committees that help to make real change in how Health Care is delivered. One is a Physician Improvement Measurement Group where we survey Doctors on how they can improve their practices.
Having spent much time in Emergency Departments over the years, I also volunteer with the BC Emergency Medicine Network. I sit on the Executive Committee and on the Clinical Resources Committee where we are currently updating all the information sheets that are handed out to you when you are discharged from the Emergency Department. It’s a big project but so worthwhile.
Other volunteer work includes sitting on the planning committee for a new Health Care Centre in my hometown of Langford, BC. This HCC will help provide medical care to the many people who don’t currently have a family doctor.
Do you find yourself in the same position as I do with waiting? Are you always waiting for the next thing to happen. I’m learning how to ground myself in the moment and not let waiting take over my life. It’s a minute by minute process and I’m constantly having to reel myself in from distractions, but it’s so satisfying when I do.
I may always be kept waiting for certain things with my Fibromyalgia and my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but I’m becoming more aware and finding ways to make it positive and not negative. I hope you can too.
Share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you. Remember,
Living with a Chronic Illness can be life changing. Everything you knew or did before your illness changes, and life becomes. very different. Suddenly, you’re seeing doctors, attending medical appointments, taking medications, trying new therapies, all while living with pain, fatigue and various other symptoms.
Controlling Your Attitude
It’s easy to let this new life overwhelm you. A normally cheerful and outgoing person can now be dealing with an immense amount of stress, and it’s easy to let your attitude about life change. “It’s not fair” you might think, and you’d be right. Developing an illness of any type is not fair.
The important thing to remember is that the only one who can control your attitude is you. Only you have the power to take the negatives in your life and try to find positives instead. How do you find a positive in pain? Well, there are several ways:
Pain Forces You To Slow Down
When you live with Chronic Pain or Illness, you find yourself overwhelmed with all the new changes in your life. You may be forced to slow down a bit to deal with these changes, and that can be a good thing. Rest allows you to reduce stress, heal faster and is good for your emotions as well.
Connections With Other People
Finding people who are experiencing the same thing you are can be golden. There’s nothing quite like explaining your symptoms to someone and having them not only understand, but empathize with what you’re going through.
Relationship With Your Medical Professional
Most people see their doctor only once or twice a year. When you live with Chronic Pain and Illness, you will likely see your medical professional far more frequently. This is a great opportunity for you to build a strong relationship with them, so you get the best care possible.
Chronic Pain and Illness forces you to learn self care, a skill most of us don’t employ often enough. Self Care means taking time to do the things that make you feel good – exercise, meditation, prayer, reading, listening to music, yoga, connecting with others…the list is endless. The more you practice Self Care, the better it is for your overall health.
Many Health Care Organizations require Patients to advocate about their conditions and this can go a long way in helping you to find a positive about your health. It’s empowering to stand up in front of others and share about your condition and how it impacts your life. Others benefit from your experiences and you can change lives in ways you might not have imagined.
Developing A Hobby
Sometimes living with Chronic Pain and Illness forces you to look at your life and determining that you need to make some changes…perhaps you need to put some fun in your life. If you love to read, write, draw, create or some other type of activity it is a good distraction to your illness.
If your illness has caused you to not be able to do the things you used to love then perhaps it’s time to find a new hobby within your abilities
I want to talk about a subject that every person with Chronic Pain is familiar with and probably dreads…
Going to the Emergency Room
There are several reasons why people with Chronic Pain in particular hate going to the ER. Here are some of the top reasons that have been shared with me over the years.
1. Fear of Being Labelled a Drug Seeker
This is perhaps the top reason most people with Chronic Pain list when it comes to the Emergency Room. Even when you live with a sure diagnosis of a medical condition, if you arrive at the ER in pain for whatever reason, you run the risk of being labelled. This is especially true if you already take narcotic pain medications to treat your condition.
You can present with symptoms entirely unrelated to your chronic illness, but doctors still question you about your reason for being there. If you happen to show up with pain for a reason that’s obvious (a broken bone for example), you still have to deal with some measures of disbelief – it’s happened to more than one person I know. In fact, one friend was asked if she had broken her hand deliberately to get drugs. Scary!
If the reason for your pain isn’t immediately obvious, your risk for being labelled increases and you may even find your treatment to be slower than others around you. Doctors seem to believe that since we already live with Chronic Pain, we can certainly manage “a bit more” without issue. This is a long-held misconception that needs to be addressed in hospitals around the world.
2. Fear of Needing More Pain Medication
You wouldn’t initially think that needing pain medication would be an issue, but when you live with Chronic Pain, you’re probably already taking a drugstore’s worth of medication to manage symptoms and side effects.
Adding more pain medication to our bodies may help in many ways, but we tend to run the risk of more side effects than other people, thus adding to our stress. I happen to be sensitive to Morphine – I have problems breathing, and get severe body twitching, nausea and itching. While all those things can be treated with additional medications, why go through all that when Fentanyl works fine?
The problem with this is when I tell doctors I can’t take morphine and the reasons why, it makes me sound like a drug seeker, saying I would like Fentanyl instead. My requirements are legitimate but it can come out sounding very suspicious. Stressful!!
3. Fear of Being Out of Our Comfort Zone
I hate to go to the Emergency Room and will do everything in my power to prevent it, even living with increased pain, because of the stress of being out of my comfort zone – my home. I know I’m going to be subjected to sounds and lights that are difficult for me to manage in the best of circumstances.
I’m going to have to wait for long periods of time to see anyone, my treatment may be delayed if the doctor has concerns about my use of Opioids for pain management (see above), and my pain levels and stress are going to rise the longer I am there. This is in addition to whatever the reason is that brought me to the ER to begin with. I’m already stressed and these added things just make the whole situation more challenging.
4. Fight or Flight Reaction
If I end up with a doctor who doesn’t believe my pain is legitimate, my adrenaline or “fight or flight” reflex becomes engaged. I suddenly find myself having to defend my original illness, along with dealing with the reason I’m there to start with. I don’t want to get into a fight with a doctor if I DO need pain meds – I want them to help me by recognizing my need is real.
For this reason, if treatment is taking a long time, some people choose to “give up” and just go home to live with more pain. This then backfires when you truly can’t handle the pain on your own, and back you go, like a yo-yo. It reduces your credibility as a patient. Unfortunately, when you are treated badly by the ER doctors, it’s hard to sit by and put up with that. Stress increases again, and with that stress comes more pain…which causes more stress.
It’s a circle of misery that could easily be handled if doctors would stop and listen to us right from the start. Too many times, we’re not given the opportunity to speak up and share what’s going on once they find out we have Chronic Pain. You could have a broken arm with bones sticking through, but as soon as doctors hear “Chronic Pain”, they seem to harbour certain assumptions about you.
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5. Wondering if My Pain IS Legitimate
When you live with Chronic Pain for whatever type of condition, there’s a good chance you’re going to have multiple symptoms of your illness. If that illness is flaring up beyond your control and you go to the Emergency Room for help, you may question yourself on whether you really need to be there.
Sure, you live with pain daily, but is this so urgent that your doctor can’t take care of it in the next day or so? Well, it’s a tough call, but I’ve always believed that if you are in enough pain to consider going to the ER, you should probably GO to the ER!!
Now is not the time to second guess yourself. For example, I once experienced chest and jaw pain that was different from anything I’d felt before. I didn’t think I was having a heart attack, but the pain was unbearable and I knew it wasn’t going to respond to heat packs or ice packs.
It turned out I was having a severe and unusual reaction to a new Diabetes drug I had just started and I was hospitalized for 3 days while a bunch of tests were run, and then to let me rest on IV’s and pain medications. In hindsight, nothing bad would have happened to me if I’d stayed home, except I’d have been in excruciating pain for days. I would have gone to see my Family Doctor asap, but I’d also have put myself in misery for days that I didn’t need to be in pain.
By following my instincts, I received top notch care and was treated legitimately like a person who was in pain and needed help.
Ways to Improve Your Emergency Room Visit
There are several things you can do in advance to help improve your visit to an Emergency Room.
1. Make Sure You Have a Regular Family Doctor
Even if your ER visit is for something completely unrelated to your Chronic Pain, having a regular Family Physician shows that you are dealing with your health on a regular basis. This helps to legitimize yourself as someone who cares about their overall health and is doing everything they can to help themselves.
What happens if you don’t have a Family Physician? In some countries, finding a Family Doctor is next to impossible. Attending the same Walk-In Clinic or Urgent Care Centre is the next best thing you can do for yourself, along with getting your prescriptions written by the same location.
2. Try to See Your Family Doctor First
If it’s at all possible, try to see your Family Physician before going to the ER. If you can, take a letter from the doctor with you explaining his findings and recommendations. This can help to speed up service in the ER (though it doesn’t always work).
Depending on the circumstances, this shows you’re using the emergency room as your treatment of last resort, as opposed to the primary place you go for pain medication.
3. Get Your Prescriptions Filled by the Same Pharmacy
One way to ensure legitimacy regarding your medications is to have them all filled at the same pharmacy. This allows doctors to do a quick search to make sure you’re not getting multiple prescriptions filled by multiple doctors.
4. Bring a List Of Your Medications with You
At a minimum, try to bring a list of your medications and dosages with you to the ER. If possible, take the actual bottles with you. This goes a long way to showing the ER doctors that you have legitimate health concerns, and that you know what you’re taking and why.
You might want to consider having a letter from your doctor on hand that outlines your Chronic condition and the treatment plan you are under. If you are going to the ER because of a problem relating to your condition, it can help to speed things up for the doctors if they know what’s been done in the past.
5. Co-operate with The ER Personnel
This may seem like common sense, but when we’re in a panic because of pain and/or injury, we tend to forget our normal sensibilities. Try not to become demanding when you get to the Emergency Room. You’re not the only one there and you have no idea what the other patients are going through.
Your pain or injury may very well be serious, but will be triaged appropriately according to the nurses. YOU might not agree with their assessment but without knowing the big picture, it’s impossible for you to say you’re the most critical person to be seen, even if you feel that way.
Work with the ER personnel, stay calm and cooperative and you’ll generally find yourself being treated respectfully by nurses and doctors who genuinely care about your health and well being.
Conversations with Emergency Room Doctors
For an excellent list of ways to communicate with the ER doctors to ensure you get quality care, this article from Practical Pain Management is a great patient resource. It provides you with things you should and shouldn’t say to make your ER visit most effective.
I do a lot of Patient Advocacy volunteer work and was speaking at a conference full of doctors. I told them of being mistreated as a drug seeker at one Emergency Room I went to when the pain from my Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia was overwhelming me. The doctors there assumed because I was in pain, pain medication is what I was looking for.
I wasn’t seeking pain meds (they wouldn’t have worked) but treatment in another form (I had the protocol written down from a specialist), so it was especially frustrating to not be heard.
One of the doctors at the conference spoke up and told me that on behalf of doctors everywhere, he apologized for that kind of treatment and said that it was unacceptable. He said that all ER personnel need to check themselves at the door before bringing in attitudes like that…his belief is that if someone presents at the ER in pain, they are there because they’re in pain. It’s up to the ER docs to determine if it’s physical or mental and how to best treat the patient, no matter what.
I was so touched by his comments…and I told him that the best thing he and everyone else in that room could do was to believe their patient. Yes, there are going to be drug seekers, but the majority of people who show up at the ER don’t want to be there, but have no choice. Believe them, listen to them and help them. It’s really that simple.
I will be taking a short hiatus from blogging as I am dealing with some issues related to my Bipolar Disorder. I have been in a BD depression for several weeks now and have had some days so bad, I considered suicide.
The main issue is that I need to change my medications again as my current regiment has stopped working. I have been living with debilitating brain zaps that feel like an electrical current zipping through my brain. These leave me feeling dizzy and disoriented, and being on the computer is difficult during those times.
I will be back!! I refuse to let this defeat me, but I do need to take some time away until I have my BD back under control. It’s hard enough living with the physical pain of Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, D.I.S.H., and more, but adding the mental health burden has become too much.
Thank you for your loyalty. Comments are appreciated.
April is Parkinson’s Disease Month and I wanted to talk to you all briefly about this condition as part of my mandate to highlight “invisible diseases”.
Although there can be some visible signs when you have Parkinson’s Disease, it often starts out very subtle and hard to notice. A tremour in one hand might be the only outward sign in the beginning.
Here is an overview taken from the Mayo Clinic website. Click on the link for the full description on Parkinson’s Disease including Testing, Treatments and Living with Parkinson’s.
Parkinson’s disease is a progressive nervous system disorder that affects movement. Symptoms start gradually, sometimes starting with a barely noticeable tremor in just one hand. Tremors are common, but the disorder also commonly causes stiffness or slowing of movement.
In the early stages of Parkinson’s disease, your face may show little or no expression. Your arms may not swing when you walk. Your speech may become soft or slurred. Parkinson’s disease symptoms worsen as your condition progresses over time.
Although Parkinson’s disease can’t be cured, medications might significantly improve your symptoms. Occasionally, your doctor may suggest surgery to regulate certain regions of your brain and improve your symptoms.
Parkinson’s disease signs and symptoms can be different for everyone. Early signs may be mild and go unnoticed. Symptoms often begin on one side of your body and usually remain worse on that side, even after symptoms begin to affect both sides.
Parkinson’s signs and symptoms may include:
Tremor. A tremor, or shaking, usually begins in a limb, often your hand or fingers. You may a rub your thumb and forefinger back-and-forth, known as a pill-rolling tremor. Your hand may tremor when it’s at rest.
Slowed movement (bradykinesia). Over time, Parkinson’s disease may slow your movement, making simple tasks difficult and time-consuming. Your steps may become shorter when you walk. It may be difficult to get out of a chair. You may drag your feet as you try to walk.
Rigid muscles. Muscle stiffness may occur in any part of your body. The stiff muscles can be painful and limit your range of motion.
Impaired posture and balance. Your posture may become stooped, or you may have balance problems as a result of Parkinson’s disease.
Loss of automatic movements. You may have a decreased ability to perform unconscious movements, including blinking, smiling or swinging your arms when you walk.
Speech changes. You may speak softly, quickly, slur or hesitate before talking. Your speech may be more of a monotone rather than with the usual inflections.
Writing changes. It may become hard to write, and your writing may appear small.
When To See A Doctor
See your doctor if you have any of the symptoms associated with Parkinson’s disease — not only to diagnose your condition but also to rule out other causes for your symptoms.
In Parkinson’s disease, certain nerve cells (neurons) in the brain gradually break down or die. Many of the symptoms are due to a loss of neurons that produce a chemical messenger in your brain called dopamine. When dopamine levels decrease, it causes abnormal brain activity, leading to symptoms of Parkinson’s disease.
The cause of Parkinson’s disease is unknown, but several factors appear to play a role, including:
Your genes. Researchers have identified specific genetic mutations that can cause Parkinson’s disease. But these are uncommon except in rare cases with many family members affected by Parkinson’s disease.However, certain gene variations appear to increase the risk of Parkinson’s disease but with a relatively small risk of Parkinson’s disease for each of these genetic markers.
Environmental triggers. Exposure to certain toxins or environmental factors may increase the risk of later Parkinson’s disease, but the risk is relatively small.
Researchers have also noted that many changes occur in the brains of people with Parkinson’s disease, although it’s not clear why these changes occur. These changes include:
The presence of Lewy bodies. Clumps of specific substances within brain cells are microscopic markers of Parkinson’s disease. These are called Lewy bodies, and researchers believe these Lewy bodies hold an important clue to the cause of Parkinson’s disease.
Alpha-synuclein is found within Lewy bodies. Although many substances are found within Lewy bodies, scientists believe an important one is the natural and widespread protein called alpha-synuclein (a-synuclein). It’s found in all Lewy bodies in a clumped form that cells can’t break down. This is currently an important focus among Parkinson’s disease researchers.
Risk factors for Parkinson’s disease include:
Age. Young adults rarely experience Parkinson’s disease. It ordinarily begins in middle or late life, and the risk increases with age. People usually develop the disease around age 60 or older.
Heredity. Having a close relative with Parkinson’s disease increases the chances that you’ll develop the disease. However, your risks are still small unless you have many relatives in your family with Parkinson’s disease.
Sex. Men are more likely to develop Parkinson’s disease than are women.
Exposure to toxins. Ongoing exposure to herbicides and pesticides may slightly increase your risk of Parkinson’s disease.
Parkinson’s disease is often accompanied by these additional problems, which may be treatable:
Thinking difficulties. You may experience cognitive problems (dementia) and thinking difficulties. These usually occur in the later stages of Parkinson’s disease. Such cognitive problems aren’t very responsive to medications.
Depression and emotional changes. You may experience depression, sometimes in the very early stages. Receiving treatment for depression can make it easier to handle the other challenges of Parkinson’s disease.You may also experience other emotional changes, such as fear, anxiety or loss of motivation. Doctors may give you medications to treat these symptoms.
Swallowing problems. You may develop difficulties with swallowing as your condition progresses. Saliva may accumulate in your mouth due to slowed swallowing, leading to drooling.
Chewing and eating problems. Late-stage Parkinson’s disease affects the muscles in your mouth, making chewing difficult. This can lead to choking and poor nutrition.
Sleep problems and sleep disorders. People with Parkinson’s disease often have sleep problems, including waking up frequently throughout the night, waking up early or falling asleep during the day.People may also experience rapid eye movement sleep behavior disorder, which involves acting out your dreams. Medications may help your sleep problems.
Bladder problems. Parkinson’s disease may cause bladder problems, including being unable to control urine or having difficulty urinating.
Constipation. Many people with Parkinson’s disease develop constipation, mainly due to a slower digestive tract.
You may also experience:
Blood pressure changes. You may feel dizzy or lightheaded when you stand due to a sudden drop in blood pressure (orthostatic hypotension).
Smell dysfunction. You may experience problems with your sense of smell. You may have difficulty identifying certain odors or the difference between odors.
Fatigue. Many people with Parkinson’s disease lose energy and experience fatigue, especially later in the day. The cause isn’t always known.
Pain. Some people with Parkinson’s disease experience pain, either in specific areas of their bodies or throughout their bodies.
Sexual dysfunction. Some people with Parkinson’s disease notice a decrease in sexual desire or performance.
There are a number of different drugs that may be utilized in the treatment of Parkinson’s Disease. The most popular include:
Carbidopa-levodopa. Levodopa, the most effective Parkinson’s disease medication, is a natural chemical that passes into your brain and is converted to dopamine.
Fibromyalgia is a multi-faceted disease that affects far more than just your muscles. One of the common conditions that Fibromites experience is problems with their bowels. IBS or Irritable Bowel Syndrome can be a stand alone disease, but is often found in those with Fibromyalgia.
When you have IBS, you can experience some or all of the following symptoms:
Abdominal pain and cramping that is typically relieved or partially relieved by passing a bowel movement
Diarrhea or constipation — sometimes alternating between the two and occaisionally having both happen during the same bowel movement
“Symptoms occurring outside of the digestive tract that might be related to IBS include sleep disturbances, chronic pelvic pain, interstitial cystitis, temporomandibular joint disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and migraine headaches. Female patients who have IBS have also reported discomfort during sexual intercourse (dyspareunia). Our survey of 2,961 respondents showed 32% have some form of mood disorder, 27% have gastroesophageal reflux disease, and 27% have anxiety disorder.”
It’s important to seek medical care when you experience bowel issues, to ensure that nothing more serious is going on. Don’t let embarrassment stop you. If you are experiencing any of the following, call and make an appointment:
Diarrhea at night
Iron deficiency anemia
Persistent pain that isn’t relieved by passing gas or a bowel movement
Seeing The Doctor
When you seek medical care for your IBS symptoms, the following actions may occur:
Medical History: A physician reviews the patient’s medical history, considering bowel function pattern, the nature and onset of symptoms, the presence or absence of other symptoms, and warning signs that might indicate some other diagnosis.
Physical Examination: During a physical evaluation, the bowel may have involuntary jerky muscular contractions (spastic) and seem tender; although the patient’s physical health usually appears normal in other respects.
Investigative Testing: A physician might request tests to rule out other possible diseases. In performing a scope, physicians view the intestinal tract with an instrument that enters the body via the mouth (gastroscopy) or the anus (colonoscopy/sigmoidoscopy). The scope is made of a hollow, flexible tube with a tiny light and video camera.
The physician may also request routine blood and stool tests to rule out known organic diseases. Some symptoms of celiac disease overlap those of IBS, so a family history of this disease might be a reason to test for it.
After other conditions have been ruled out, your doctor is likely to use one of these sets of diagnostic criteria for IBS:
Rome criteria. These criteria include abdominal pain and discomfort lasting on average at least one day a week in the last three months, associated with at least two of these factors: Pain and discomfort are related to defecation, the frequency of defecation is altered, or stool consistency is altered.
Manning criteria. These criteria focus on pain relieved by passing stool and on having incomplete bowel movements, mucus in the stool and changes in stool consistency. The more symptoms you have, the greater the likelihood of IBS.
Type of IBS. For the purpose of treatment, IBS can be divided into three types, based on your symptoms: constipation-predominant, diarrhea-predominant or mixed.
Treatment of IBS focuses on relieving symptoms so that you can live as normally as possible. These suggestions below come from The Mayo Clinic:
Mild signs and symptoms can often be controlled by managing stress and by making changes in your diet and lifestyle. Try to:
Avoid foods that trigger your symptoms
Eat high-fiber foods
Drink plenty of fluids
Get enough sleep
Your doctor might suggest that you eliminate from your diet:
High-gas foods. If you experience bloating or gas, you might avoid items such as carbonated and alcoholic beverages, caffeine, raw fruit, and certain vegetables, such as cabbage, broccoli and cauliflower.
Gluten. Research shows that some people with IBS report improvement in diarrhea symptoms if they stop eating gluten (wheat, barley and rye) even if they don’t have celiac disease.
FODMAPs. Some people are sensitive to certain carbohydrates such as fructose, fructans, lactose and others, known as FODMAPs — fermentable oligo-, di-, and monosaccharides and polyols. FODMAPs are found in certain grains, vegetables, fruits and dairy products. Your IBS symptoms might ease if you follow a strict low-FODMAP diet and then reintroduce foods one at a time.
A dietitian can help you with these diet changes.
If your problems are moderate or severe, your doctor might suggest counseling — especially if you have depression or if stress tends to worsen your symptoms.
In addition, based on your symptoms your doctor might suggest medications such as:
Fiber supplements. Taking a supplement such as psyllium (Metamucil) with fluids may help control constipation.
Laxatives. If fiber doesn’t help symptoms, your doctor may prescribe magnesium hydroxide oral (Phillips’ Milk of Magnesia) or polyethylene glycol (Miralax).
Anti-diarrheal medications. Over-the-counter medications, such as loperamide (Imodium), can help control diarrhea. Your doctor might also prescribe a bile acid binder, such as cholestyramine (Prevalite), colestipol (Colestid) or colesevelam (Welchol). Bile acid binders can cause bloating.
Anticholinergic medications. Medications such as dicyclomine (Bentyl) can help relieve painful bowel spasms. They are sometimes prescribed for people who have bouts of diarrhea. These medications are generally safe but can cause constipation, dry mouth and blurred vision.
Tricyclic antidepressants. This type of medication can help relieve depression as well as inhibit the activity of neurons that control the intestines to help reduce pain. If you have diarrhea and abdominal pain without depression, your doctor may suggest a lower than normal dose of imipramine (Tofranil), desipramine (Norpramine) or nortriptyline (Pamelor). Side effects — which might be reduced if you take the medication at bedtime — can include drowsiness, blurred vision, dizziness and dry mouth.
SSRI antidepressants. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) antidepressants, such as fluoxetine (Prozac, Sarafem) or paroxetine (Paxil), may help if you’re depressed and have pain and constipation.
Pain medications. Pregabalin (Lyrica) or gabapentin (Neurontin) might ease severe pain or bloating.
Medications specifically for IBS
Medications approved for certain people with IBS include:
Alosetron (Lotronex). Alosetron is designed to relax the colon and slow the movement of waste through the lower bowel. Alosetron can be prescribed only by doctors enrolled in a special program, is intended for severe cases of diarrhea-predominant IBS in women who haven’t responded to other treatments, and isn’t approved for use by men. It has been linked to rare but important side effects, so it should only be considered when other treatments aren’t successful.
Eluxadoline (Viberzi). Eluxadoline can ease diarrhea by reducing muscle contractions and fluid secretion in the intestine, and increasing muscle tone in the rectum. Side effects can include nausea, abdominal pain and mild constipation. Eluxadoline has also been associated with pancreatitis, which can be serious and more common in certain individuals.
Rifaximin (Xifaxan). This antibiotic can decrease bacterial overgrowth and diarrhea.
Lubiprostone (Amitiza). Lubiprostone can increase fluid secretion in your small intestine to help with the passage of stool. It’s approved for women who have IBS with constipation, and is generally prescribed only for women with severe symptoms that haven’t responded to other treatments.
Linaclotide (Linzess). Linaclotide also can increase fluid secretion in your small intestine to help you pass stool. Linaclotide can cause diarrhea, but taking the medication 30 to 60 minutes before eating might help.
Potential Future Treatments
Researchers are investigating new treatments for IBS. Serum-derived bovine immunoglobulin/protein isolate (SBI), a nutritional therapy, has shown some promise as a treatment for IBS with diarrhea.
Studies also show that, in people who have IBS with diarrhea, a specially coated tablet that slowly releases peppermint oil in the small intestine (enteric-coated peppermint oil) eases bloating, urgency, abdominal pain and pain while passing stool. It isn’t clear how enteric-coated peppermint oil might affect IBS, so ask your doctor before using it.
Although Bowel related issues can be embarrassing, it’s important to acknowledge and treat your symptoms to give you the best health possible. Make time to reduce stress in your life, follow a proper diet and get a good nights sleep…these three things can make a huge difference in your gut health. If nothing changes, see your doctor. Your good health depends on it.
Forestier’s Disease is a rare form of degenerative arthritis. More commonly known as diffuse idiopathic skeletal hyperostosis (DISH), this disease attacks the ligaments of the body and turns them to bone.
The process is caused by the buildup of calcium salts in the ligaments and tendons, creating abnormal new bone growth (ossification). Doctors are unsure what causes this process to occur, but some suspect there is a genetic component. The hardening of the ligaments leads to joint stiffness and eventual loss of mobility.
DISH can occur in any part of the body, but most commonly affects the spine and lower back. Some people have DISH in their neck ligaments, which can make swallowing difficult. Other areas affected include the shoulders, elbows, ribs, knees, feet and ankles.
When it attacks the ligaments of the feet and ankles, DISH results in heel spurs, small sharp growths of bone that appear along the heel. DISH can be progressive. As it worsens, it can cause serious complications.
Causes of DISH
Sex. Men are more likely to develop DISH than women.
Age. DISH is most common in older adults, especially in people older than 50.
Diabetes and other conditions. People with type 2 diabetes might be more likely to develop DISH than are those who don’t have diabetes. Other conditions that can raise insulin levels in your body may also increase your risk, including hyperinsulinemia, prediabetes and obesity.
Certain medications. Long-term use of medications called retinoids, such as isotretinoin (Amnesteem, Claravis, others), which are used to treat skin conditions such as acne, can increase your risk.
Symptoms of DISH
DISH does not initially produce symptoms. As it progresses, you might experience:
pain and stiffness in your joints, especially in the morning
loss of motion in your feet, lower back and other affected areas
You should always consult a doctor if you’re experiencing pain and stiffness or if you have bone spurs.
In most cases, DISH causes mild discomfort, allowing patients who have it to live with the symptoms through a combination of pain relievers, stretching exercises, other interventions and in rare cases, surgery to remove bone growth.
For others, the disease may continue to progress which can result in a complete loss of mobility in the affected joints. For instance, if you have DISH in your shoulder, it can make it difficult to raise your arm or move it in all its natural positions.
Fractures are a serious complication of DISH because the stiffness of your tendons makes your bones more likely to fracture if you’re injured.
One huge drawback with DISH is that the pain and stiffness can mimic many other conditions, so proper diagnosis and treatment is essential.
Diagnosis and Treatment
An xray shows the skeletal changes of a DISH patient in the Thoracic Spine.
A diagnosis of diffuse idiopathic skeletal hyperostosis (DISH) is often suspected by the signs and symptoms a person has. X-rays can confirm the diagnosis. In some cases, a computed tomography (CT scan) and/or magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) may also be ordered to rule out other diseases that cause the same symptoms. All three types of imaging studies may be used to see which other areas of the skeleton are affected by DISH.
There is no cure for DISH, but you can
Treat underlying conditions. If you have diabetes or another condition associated with insulin resistance, getting that condition under control will help minimize the symptoms of DISH. Maintaining a healthy weight will also help.
Get pain relief. Ask a podiatrist for pain relievers that can treat joint stiffness in your legs, feet, and ankles. Your doctor might prescribe corticosteroid injections for more severe pain.
Increase mobility. Gentle stretching exercises can keep your ligaments from becoming overly stiff and brittle. Ask your doctor to recommend a regimen for your joints that will keep them moving. Walking, bicycling, and Aqua exercises are all excellent ways to stay mobile.
My Personal Experience
I was diagnosed with DISH in 2014 after going to the Emergency Room for chest pain. After a number of tests were done, including a CT Scan, the doctor informed me that they had discovered I had DISH in my Thoracic Spine (after ruling out heart problems for the chest pain).
I had always had pain and stiffness in my spine but assumed it was “regular” arthritis, as I have Osteoarthritis throughout my body. Finding out it was something different came as a surprise to me. I discovered that because I have Diabetes Type 2, it was likely a contributing factor. In the years since the diagnosis, I have developed bone spurs in my left ankle, and the DISH has spread to include my Lumbar spine as well as the Thoracic spine. The bone spurs on my spine look more like melted candle wax than actual spurs which is typical for this disease.
I find the stiffness is the most difficult part of having DISH. The sensation is like trying to stretch, but never quite getting enough range of motion, so you’re left feeling “incomplete.” It’s almost like one good “pop” would make things better. I do stretching exercises and use a foam roller to help minimize the stiffness, and I’m conscious of my voice as well. I’ve developed some hoarseness over the years which could indicate that the DISH has affected my cervical spine.
I don’t take any additional medication for DISH with the exception of an occasional muscle relaxant if my back is particularly stiff. By relaxing the muscles around the spine, I get some relief from the stiffness that is part of DISH. I find that my stretching exercises are usually effective enough to bring relief. Heat sometimes helps with the stiffness as well, and a good muscle rub or magnesium rub can make a difference in pain levels as well.
If you are experiencing pain and stiffness in the spine or noticing that you are developing bone spurs on your feet (or hands), consult with your doctor and ask about whether DISH could be causing your problems. X-rays and/or other imaging tests can help to determine if there are problems with the ligaments or if there is increased bone growth.
Discovering DISH early can help you get a treatment plan in place to provide relief. Although DISH is considered “rare”, it seems like it’s becoming more predominant than in the past so the sooner you get a diagnosis, the better.
****Trigger Warning: This post contains depictions of violence against women.
I’m writing about a difficult and personal subject today. Domestic Violence is rampant in North America, and around the world and while I could write a full book on the subject, I want to address it in the context of my own personal story – that of a person who also lived with Chronic Pain.
I met Dallas on Christmas Day of 1979 when I was 17 and he was 34. I was instantly smitten with him and he was a charmer who got what he wanted when he wanted it. I was delighted his attentions fell on me because I was lonely and on my own – hitchhiking my way around the US and far from any family or friends.
At first, I didn’t realize that Dallas was also a pathological liar. His natural ability to talk to anyone about anything and sound so convincing, plus his good looks had instantly blinded me to anything that could knock him off the pedestal I had placed him on. Oh sure, some things didn’t really “click” with me and he often told the same stories to people that built him up, but I didn’t really think about it.
I learned very quickly that Dallas was also a jealous man and didn’t like other men paying attention to me – especially when they talked to me. We were both traveling the country now, with no set plans in place, and of course he didn’t have a job (a very common scenario as I would soon figure out), but he was good at getting things from people and so we traipsed around, talking about “settling down” and heading to whatever destination would be best for Dallas to come up with a plan. That involved talking to people – or rather, him talking and me trying to make myself invisible.
The first time he hit me was after we had been sitting in a bar on the ground floor of the truck stop we were staying at. He had gone back to our room for something and when he came back, I was chatting to a gentleman next to me, who had literally just asked: “so how are you tonight”? Dallas grabbed me by the arm, dragged me to our room and then started screaming at me about being unfaithful. He backhanded me so hard, I fell across the bed and onto the floor. He yanked me up by my hair and hit me again and I just took it, I was so shocked. It was the first time of many this happened.
But I stayed. I had been living with Chronic Pain for a couple of years at this point in my life and when he wasn’t in a jealous mood, Dallas was so loving and considerate of me. He kept promising to find us a place and get a job and every few months that would happen. We’d settle somewhere, he’d start working and then do something stupid like write some bad checks or shoplift (or outright steal things from people), and we’d have to pack up and leave town, like regular thieves in the night.
Somehow, over time, this pattern became my fault though. If I WASN’T always in pain, we could just travel around the country – that was his theory. He wanted to be a truck driver, but had lost his license so wasn’t able to drive. He resented me for “holding him back from his dreams,” though I’m not sure how he actually reconciled those thoughts. What was apparent was that everything that went wrong was somehow my fault.
One night, while he was in a rage about life not turning out to be fair, he locked me outside of the wee trailer we staying at, in the middle of the night, while I was naked. It was pouring rain, there were no neighbours nearby (we were living out of town) and it was cold. I pounded on the door, but he wouldn’t let me in, and I finally was forced to hide out in the shed on the property, wrapped in a mouldy blanket I found.
The next morning, he acted like nothing had happened. He never apologised, not in words, but sometimes, he would treat me with kid gloves. I never knew from day to day, or even hour to hour, which version of Dallas I was going to get.
I spent 3 years with this man. At one point, he left me for another woman we had met after he completed a 3-month prison stint for a Parole Violation. I returned home to Canada, worked to save up some money and went back to the US to find him. I was that in love and desperate to be with him. So sad when I think about it now. I even ended up pregnant, until a fight with him turned physical and he beat me badly enough that I lost the baby.
We made up, again…I got pregnant for the second time and ended up giving birth to a lovely little boy on Jan. 30th. This time, we were going to do things right! We found a place in Bellingham, Washington to live, and Dallas began working as a house painter. For 6 months, he actually managed to stay at the same job…I truly thought he’d turned a new leaf, with his son being the motivating factor. We still fought viciously, but he only hit me a couple of times, so I thought we could still work things out. Then I became pregnant again when our son was only 6 months old.
This time, it was different. One day, he told me he was going to Seattle for a quote on a huge painting job that could really put us in the money. He left on a Thursday, promising he’d be back on Sunday night.
He never came back.
I sat at the window of the small room we lived in, waiting all Sunday night, not wanting to admit the truth but by end of the day Monday, I had to admit he was really gone. He abandoned his son and child to be, and me, the woman who had stood by him faithfully through all the pain and beatings and lies.
It took a long time for me to recover. I moved back home to Canada, gave birth to my daughter alone and became a single mom to two wonderful kids. I dreamed about Dallas all the time – what could I have done differently to make him happy? How could I have been a better person for him, so he wouldn’t beat me? What did I do that caused him to hate me so much and how could I track him down again?
I didn’t try to find him again. I did see him twice after he left – he contacted me and came to where I was, first when the kids were 1 and 2 and then again when they were 5 and 6. That was the last time I laid eyes on Dallas, and though I grieved for so many things, I had grown some self-esteem by that point and realized how much better I was on my own. I vowed I would never again be abused in any way.
Forms of Abuse
Physical abuse is probably what we think of first when we hear the word ‘abuse.’ There were always incidents of yelling and screaming at me, hitting me, pulling my hair, punching me in places that the bruises wouldn’t show and little shoves etc, in front of others to keep me under control. I learned quickly not to start conversations with people and to speak only when I was spoken to, so he didn’t get physical with me.
Mental abuse is almost harder to take than physical abuse. The bruises heal, but the words said cut deeply into the soul and you start to believe the things being said about you. I was repeatedly told I was a burden, stupid and incapable of doing the most basic things. He called me names on a constant basis, told me I was worthless and that I was lucky he let me stay with him.
Because Dallas often refused to settle down and work a steady job, money was always tight and we often didn’t know where we would eat on any given day. If we were somewhere settled, it was usually better for a bit, but when we were hitchhiking around, we were dependent on Soup Kitchens and Missions and Shelters for a meal. Sometimes I would have to prostitute myself in order for us to have money. I’m not proud of that, but I did what I needed to do in order to survive.
Security abuse is rarely talked about, but it’s when you don’t have the stability of a secure place to be. We slept under overpasses and in the desert, at shelters and missions, at the homes of people Dallas would befriend in our travels…we just never knew where we would be at any given time.
It was especially difficult when I was pregnant the first two times. In addition to my Chronic Pain, I was dealing with morning sickness and cravings, and my body ached in ways it never had before. When you sleep on concrete under an overpass with just a mover’s blanket for covering, it does a number on your body.
So, what are the lessons I learned here?
First off, I learned that nothing I could have done would have changed Dallas. Change has to come from within and you have to want to change in order to make change happen. He didn’t see anything wrong with the way we were living except I was a constant burden to him with my chronic pain. When he wasn’t treating me with kid gloves, he was screaming and berating me.
Secondly, I learned that sometimes, people don’t show you exactly who they are right from the start. It took me a long time to accept that the real Dallas was the one who stole and lied and hit and screamed – not the one who could charm the pants off of you.
Thirdly, I learned that there are various forms of abuse and being beaten isn’t the only way that someone can hurt you. It’s especially hard to accept abuse in your life when you already live with chronic pain or illness of some type.
Fourthly, I learned that there are ways of getting out, but you have to find your own inner strength to do it. You have to stop believing the lies being told about you and realize you are worthy of better treatment. For a long time, I didn’t believe that, and I put up with the abuse because that was all I knew. When Dallas was actually loving me, he loved me so good that I could forget the nightmarish parts of our life.
It wasn’t until the next incident would happen that would put him over the edge before I’d be right back in the middle of the terror and despair and wonder why I was allowing this to happen. My self-esteem was being beaten out of me at every turn and it came to the point that I accepted I really was as stupid and worthless as he made me out to be.
Words of Advice
Does any of this sound familiar to you? You may be a victim of Domestic Violence without even realizing it, especially if your spouse isn’t physically abusing you. Financial abuse (withholding money from you), emotional abuse (berating you and calling you names) and mental abuse (separating you from family and friends, keeping you from working, etc.) are all ways that you can be abused without recognizing it at first.
If you realize that are in an abusive situation, you need a plan to get out. Don’t believe for an instant when the person says they’re going to change. They’re not and they never will. It took me 3 whole years to realize that, 3 years of being beaten and downtrodden. Even after I was finally on my own, it took time to accept that I was the innocent party in all of this.
I had a lot of guilt. You may be experiencing some guilt, as well. If only…if only I’d been a better partner. If only I’d kept my mouth shut. If only the house was cleaner or the kids were better behaved. If only I hadn’t asked for grocery money or needed tampons. The “if onlys” are so hard to deal with, but you need to accept that you are not the one who is at fault. The abuser chooses to abuse…it’s as simple as that. We all have a choice in how we handle situations and most of us choose not to hurt other people.
There are shelters and organizations that can help you if you are in an abusive situation and need to get out. It’s true that most shelters are overcrowded, but you still owe it to yourself to try them. Talk to people who run them to find out what all your options are. Start building a plan to get out, even if it can’t happen immediately. Start by calling the crisis lines in your area or any mental health organization. Here’s a list to help you get started: List of International Domestic Violence Hotlines and Advocacy Organizations
Document everything that’s going on including injuries and outward marks on your body. If you’re able to take pictures that you can safely keep (or send to someone and then delete), do so. If you can safely keep a journal, do so. If you can safely confide in one person…do so. All of this will become helpful if you decide to prosecute your abuser.
Above all, remember that there is always hope. Do what you can to minimize the violence in your situation while looking for ways to get out safely. It may not seem possible now, but don’t give up hope. Confide in someone, and be prepared to make a clean break, without going back to the abuser. You have a beautiful future ahead of you and you deserve every good thing in your life. Remember…