Do you like to wait for things? Are you patient enough that having to wait doesn’t really bother you, or do you get frustrated when you have to wait, even a short time?
I was thinking recently about all the waiting my illnesses have caused me to do. For starters, I wait to feel less pain in my day. I wake up in the morning stiff and sore and sometimes I have to wait to get out of bed because I’m in too much pain.
I take my medications, and then I have to wait for them to kick in. There’s never instant relief, no matter how I long for it. Once the pain pills have started to work their magic, I’m able to start my day. At this point, I’m usually starving because I had to wait to eat.
The whole day goes like this. I wait to get pain relief, I wait until I feel hungry, I wait to take a bath until my husband is home, I wait to do any type of work or hobby until I have some energy. I wait to feel happy. I wait for my husband to come home from work so I have someone to talk with. I wait for the phone to ring from friends who’ve forgotten me.
I don’t mean to sound like a pity party, I’m just sharing the realities of my life. I can’t get out and about to make new friends and with Covid-19 in our lives, it would be impossible to do even if I was able to get out of the house. So, I wait for a miracle to happen, for my pain and fatigue to disappear.
What have I learned with all the waiting? Patience for one thing. I know that things don’t just happen overnight and that all good things take time. I know that I’ll always live with pain, but I’m learning how to manage it as best I can, with the various tools at my disposal.
I use medications, massage, deep breathing, guided meditations and more to manage my days. Sometimes I can distract myself with a good book or a movie. Sometimes a treasured hobby can keep my mind occupied.
Sometimes I write….this blog, my poetry, a letter to myself. Getting words onto paper holds a special place in my heart and I find it healing to go back and read what I wrote during stressful times.
Telling someone about what I’m going through can be very helpful to get me through the day. Often I’ll touch base with my dearest friend Charlotte and just share what’s on my heart. We’ve been friends for 20 years now and she knows me so well.
She asks me the right questions and probes my answers to get to the heart of things. I love how she listens and offers words of wisdom. It makes the waiting easier.
I’ve also been involved in Pain Management groups before and I find them so helpful, because it’s people just like me going through the same situations that I do. They get me…they know what the waiting is like.
I am an active volunteer and sit on several various committees that help to make real change in how Health Care is delivered. One is a Physician Improvement Measurement Group where we survey Doctors on how they can improve their practices.
Having spent much time in Emergency Departments over the years, I also volunteer with the BC Emergency Medicine Network. I sit on the Executive Committee and on the Clinical Resources Committee where we are currently updating all the information sheets that are handed out to you when you are discharged from the Emergency Department. It’s a big project but so worthwhile.
Other volunteer work includes sitting on the planning committee for a new Health Care Centre in my hometown of Langford, BC. This HCC will help provide medical care to the many people who don’t currently have a family doctor.
Do you find yourself in the same position as I do with waiting? Are you always waiting for the next thing to happen. I’m learning how to ground myself in the moment and not let waiting take over my life. It’s a minute by minute process and I’m constantly having to reel myself in from distractions, but it’s so satisfying when I do.
I may always be kept waiting for certain things with my Fibromyalgia and my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but I’m becoming more aware and finding ways to make it positive and not negative. I hope you can too.
Share your thoughts in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you. Remember,
Living with a Chronic Illness can be life changing. Everything you knew or did before your illness changes, and life becomes. very different. Suddenly, you’re seeing doctors, attending medical appointments, taking medications, trying new therapies, all while living with pain, fatigue and various other symptoms.
Controlling Your Attitude
It’s easy to let this new life overwhelm you. A normally cheerful and outgoing person can now be dealing with an immense amount of stress, and it’s easy to let your attitude about life change. “It’s not fair” you might think, and you’d be right. Developing an illness of any type is not fair.
The important thing to remember is that the only one who can control your attitude is you. Only you have the power to take the negatives in your life and try to find positives instead. How do you find a positive in pain? Well, there are several ways:
Pain Forces You To Slow Down
When you live with Chronic Pain or Illness, you find yourself overwhelmed with all the new changes in your life. You may be forced to slow down a bit to deal with these changes, and that can be a good thing. Rest allows you to reduce stress, heal faster and is good for your emotions as well.
Connections With Other People
Finding people who are experiencing the same thing you are can be golden. There’s nothing quite like explaining your symptoms to someone and having them not only understand, but empathize with what you’re going through.
Relationship With Your Medical Professional
Most people see their doctor only once or twice a year. When you live with Chronic Pain and Illness, you will likely see your medical professional far more frequently. This is a great opportunity for you to build a strong relationship with them, so you get the best care possible.
Chronic Pain and Illness forces you to learn self care, a skill most of us don’t employ often enough. Self Care means taking time to do the things that make you feel good – exercise, meditation, prayer, reading, listening to music, yoga, connecting with others…the list is endless. The more you practice Self Care, the better it is for your overall health.
Many Health Care Organizations require Patients to advocate about their conditions and this can go a long way in helping you to find a positive about your health. It’s empowering to stand up in front of others and share about your condition and how it impacts your life. Others benefit from your experiences and you can change lives in ways you might not have imagined.
Developing A Hobby
Sometimes living with Chronic Pain and Illness forces you to look at your life and determining that you need to make some changes…perhaps you need to put some fun in your life. If you love to read, write, draw, create or some other type of activity it is a good distraction to your illness.
If your illness has caused you to not be able to do the things you used to love then perhaps it’s time to find a new hobby within your abilities
When I wrote my post An Attitude of Gratitude, I received a lot of good comments on it, both those left with the post and in other formats. I meant every word of that post and I wanted to expand on that today, and THANK my body for all it does, despite Fibromyalgia (and several other health conditions). Here are some of the reasons I have to thank my body (and my mind!)
I Have A Strong And Compassionate Heart
Physically, my heart is in tip-top shape. After experiencing some chest pain a few years ago, I was put through a battery of tests including a heart scan and an ultrasound. Everything came back showing my heart to be in excellent shape and my risk of heart attack to be at approximately 1% based on all factors in my life. Now that’s pretty amazing when you consider all the health conditions I live with, but I trust the tests and the monitoring.
What I tend to be most concerned with when it comes to my heart is how compassionate am I? Do I care about others? Do I show it? Do I reach out when others need a hand or a shoulder to lean on? Those are the heart conditions that I worry about and I work hard to make sure I’m staying heart-healthy in this area too.
I’ve Been Blessed With Common Sense
Not many people know that I never graduated High School. I only finished with a Grade 11 education, and while I’ve taken College courses to complete a Certified Event Planning Certificate, I’ve never furthered my formal education. I was able to get a good job in a field I loved by working hard and having common sense, which I believe is something sorely lacking in many people these days.
I don’t know if common sense is something you’re born with or something you learn. I only know that it comes naturally to me. It’s intuitive, it’s part of me and I don’t struggle with it…it’s just who I am. I may not be the most well-educated person in the group, but at least I have this gift. I’m always thinking and strategizing about scenarios and how I would handle them. I rarely panic anymore about things…I just seem to know how to get on with it. I’m eternally grateful for this ability and I don’t take it for granted.
I’m Able To Give Back To Others
Volunteering is hugely important to me. Having the ability to give back to others makes me feel good and that’s why I sit on committees and working groups, so I can make the improvements that enhance the lives of others. My involvement with Patient Voices Network was a game-changer from the first time I attended the orientation session. PVN is an organization in British Columbia that allows ordinary citizens to have a say in how health care is delivered in our province.
Through my involvement with PVN, I’ve been able to attend conferences and education sessions, sit on committees (4 of them at the moment!) and take part in surveys, including being part of a group that is actually creating a Provincial survey for release in the next year. I’ve traveled for my volunteer work, met incredible accomplished people at all levels of business and government and work alongside other Patient Partners who, like me, are out there making change happen.
I Can Spend Time with Loved Ones
Being able to spend time with my husband and kids and friends is critical to my overall wellbeing. Ray and I have a motorcycle and we love to go for rides around Vancouver Island and the Gulf Islands. When I travel with my volunteer work, I’m often able to meet with our daughter Ashley for lunch or dinner in Vancouver where she works, and this is a huge treat. Our son Troy is in Calgary and I am able to see him when I travel there to stay with a dear girlfriend Charlotte twice a year. These are great blessings to me!
I don’t have a lot of friends who live near me, but I treasure the ones I can get together with all the more, especially Lorna. My online friends play an important part in my life as well –I’d be lost without them. I belong to a few online groups who fulfill a need in me that only they could meet. My body and mind function better because of all these interactions and I tend to forget that sometimes, especially when I’m having a high pain day. I can get very reclusive, but it’s good to know that loved ones are there when I need them, just as I am there for them.
I’m Still Able To Read And Listen To Music
I consider myself lucky that none of my health conditions have taken away the deep pleasure I get from reading and from music. I love reading the life stories of others in the form of biographies and autobiographies. Great fiction warms my heart. True Crime stirs my compassion for others. Reading a good book of any genre is a total act of joy for me and to lose that ability would be heartbreaking, even with all the other options available.
The same goes for music. I don’t listen to music every day, or even that often, but when I’m in the mood for it, it completely fills my soul. My tastes are eclectic, running from Acapella to Zydeco and I’m grateful there are so many ways to be exposed to music in this digital age. The internet has been a wonderful source of entertainment in my life and I’m thankful my body allows me to enjoy the endless variety it brings.
I’m Grateful To Be Able To Blog
No matter what my body throws at me physically, I’m still able to write and for that, I have no words. Writing is very personal for me, as it’s all based on my life and what I’m going through. My thoughts and hopes and disappointments are all shared in equal value and it’s a unique feeling to expose myself like that. I don’t mind the scrutiny at all, because I do this of my own free will, but there are times I wonder if I should censor myself more or be even more open.
No matter how bad things get for me physically, I cling to the knowledge that it can get better. Yes, it might get worse, and often does, but even in the worst of my pain, when I’m writhing in bed in agony, there’s a part of me that refuses to give up or give in. That tiny stubborn piece of me that says “hold on, pain ends.” HOPE.
It’s an honour to know that you, dear reader, are taking in my words and finding something useful. That’s something I’m grateful to my body for, too. No matter how bad things may get physically, you can’t take that away from me.
As we enter the Season of Miracles, I wanted to write today about something that’s been on my heart. Joy and Miracles and hope for the future.
There is so much hope that comes with Christmas and Hanukkah – the Birth of the Christ Child, the Miracle of the Oil burning for 8 days – and I want us to see that despite Chronic Illness, there can still be joy and miracles and things to look forward to.
After living with Chronic Illness for over 30 years, my list of physical ailments is long and continues to grow. I also have a mental illness to deal with which will be with me for the rest of my life.
Having Bipolar Disorder was a frightening diagnosis for me, but after finally getting it under control with the proper medications, it’s become a real non-factor in my life and I often forget that I have it.
To me, that’s a miracle.
Each year though, my physical pain gets worse, and so does my Chronic Fatigue. I struggle more with pain management and all the side effects, but I’ve also learned new tips and tricks to help deal with my days – another reason to feel hopeful.
In a previous post, I wrote about complementary medicine and how it can help with Chronic Pain. I am a true believer in trying new solutions for old problems and had some great feedback about this article. I hope you were able to incorporate some of these ideas, or will look at the post to give them a try.
Living with Chronic Pain can be a bittersweet encounter – bitter because of the pain and side effects and all the negative changes in your life, but sweet because there are still things to be grateful for.
There is new research on the horizon for diagnosing Fibromyalgia – the work being done to develop accurate blood testing has never been more exciting, and with science on our side, things are bound to have a positive impact in our lives.
The sooner we get a true diagnosis, the sooner treatment can start.
Treatments themselves are becoming better too, now that we understand that Fibromyalgia isn’t an autoimmune disorder and that its roots lie in the nervous system and the inability to communicate properly with the brain and spinal canal regarding pain signals.
Although there haven’t been any new medications released to treat Fibro, Gabapentin is being used more commonly in conjunction with the approved medications (Savella, Cymbalta and Lyrica) with good results.
More and more patients are becoming involved in Research for their health conditions, and Clinical Trials are being held across North America on a regular basis.
For more information about clinical trials, you can sign up here at ClinicalTrials.gov to see if you qualify for studies on a variety of health issues, not just Fibromyalgia. Another good spot to try is Patients At Heart. For Canadians, this link takes you to the Health Canada Clinical Trials website.
Another area where I’m seeing hope and miracles is in Patient Advocacy. This is a fast growing area where Patients become involved as authorities in their lived experience and work together with Health Care Partners to make changes in how health care is delivered.
One of the largest national organizations in Advocacy is WEGO Health. WEGO Health works with Patients in a wide variety of areas, offering opportunties to share you stories and help to impact change in a number of different ways.
They highlight a number of different annual conferences that take place in North America, and provide opportunities for you to share your story and get involved in various projects.
Patient Advocacy at an organizational level is becoming extremely important as well. If you want to be involved, simply contact the health organization of your choice, and ask them how you can become a Patient Advocate.
Volunteering your time to share your health story and help others is a great way to give back, beyond simply “making a donation”. Financial help is always needed and appreciated, but you can make a real difference as well in sharing your experiences.
Speaking of volunteering, this is an activity that has given me the greatest joy since becoming disabled. I do volunteer work for a group in BC, Canada called the Patient Voices Network, where I act as a Patient Advocate for a variety of Health Care initiatives.
I currently sit on 5 health-related committees,. Two are with the BC Emergency Medicine Network. Another is a Surgical Quality Improvement committee and another committee is devoted to ensuring Quality Control for all the Laboratories on Vancouver Island, BC.
Finally, I am a member of the Oversight & Advisory Committee for the Patient Voices Network, a role I’ve held for 3 years now. We oversee the activities of PVN and ensure that Patients are getting opportunities to share their voices in making change in health care.
I have also recently been working on becoming a Coach for PainBC.ca, allowing me to work directly with people with Chronic Pain and helping them find solutions for situations in their lives that they require some guidance with. I expect that work to start in 2020 when my training is complete in mid-December.
These volunteer opportunities allow me to give back to the community in a variety of ways while still taking care of my health. I devote approximately 20 hours a month to all of these committees which is manageable without overdoing it.
I love the variety of experiences I get to be involved in, the people I work with (surgeons, Government officials, other patients, etc.) and the opportunity to stretch my wings and try new things beyond my day to day life.
I’ve even been sponsored to travel to various conferences and to take courses such as the San’yas Indigenous Cultural Training.
I share this with you to show you that even if your health isn’t the greatest, you can still participate in volunteering in ways that make a difference.
Another volunteer suggestion is this: if you are a crafter, find out if your local hospital has need for knitted or crocheted items and take on the challenge. Blankets, baby items and more are often for sale in the Hospital Gift Shops and you can have a real impact on someone’s life with this kind of giving.
I know I’ve been very comforted in times in the hospital when I’ve been provided with a beautifully created blanket!
Season of Hope
I trust you are getting a sense of the hope and miracles I started this post with. There is so much potential in our lives even if we are disabled by pain and our physical and/or mental illnesses.
We must let go of the old ways of thinking that our good days are behind us, and start celebrating the wonderful things we have yet to accomplish.
Think about what you’re good at and find a way to incorporate it back into your life. What makes you smile? What makes your heart skip a beat? Find a way to bring that joy back into your life and see what changes.
Pain is easier to manage when you have good things to look forward to. Fatigue seems easier to handle when you’re active and busy, both mentally and physically.
I hope this post was helpful. I appreciate your comments below and look foward to sharing a magical Season with all of you! Remember…
When I first started to blog, I wrote about my total hip replacement because I’d had problems trying to find first-person accounts of undergoing that particular type of surgery, especially for someone who was in their 50’s. Hip replacements seem to be done on mostly older folks (in their 70’s or older) but rarely on the younger set, unless you’ve been born with a hip problem or have suffered a devastating injury.
Because I was only 54 when I had my hip replacement done, I was considered “unusual” by my surgeon (and yes, I’m sure he meant my hip only and not me in general!) so trying to find others in the same position was difficult. I had read enough websites to understand the technical side of the surgery, but I wanted to find out what it was like to actually have the surgery and then recuperate and go on with life.
Since I was unable to find a lot of good information, I decided to write about my own experiences, so others in my position might be able to find what I was looking for. Once I’d written about that, it seemed natural to go on and talk about other health issues I live with and how they impact my life. From there, the blog site grew organically and became what it is now – a place for articles and posts about Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, Chronic Fatigue and Invisible Illnesses, such as Lupus, MS, Arthritis, POTs, Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome and more.
The goal has been achieved and I’m proud of what I’ve been able to create with this site. I hope others feel the same.
Living with a Chronic Illness is hard work. People with Chronic Pain and Invisible Illness are often left feeling isolated, and when you find someone online who speaks your language, it can be like finding an oasis in the desert.
In addition to educating people, I wanted this blog site to be a place where comments could be left freely, allowing people the opportunity to share what’s going on in their lives in a safe way. When readers have identified with a particular post, their comments reflect their own lives and situations and I take that seriously. I often respond back, not always in the comment section, but in-person to what they’ve said.
My responsibility as a writer is to ensure that not only am I educating people but I’m giving them some hope as well. Life with Chronic Illness is painful physically and mentally and when you find a spot online that reflects your own thoughts and ideas and connects with you, there’s a genuine freeing sensation. You feel less alone in the world and you realize that other people “get it”. Being understood is an amazing feeling and us Chronic Pain Warriors don’t always feel understood.
In many ways, I see writing this blog as another form of volunteering that I do. My focus on health and wellbeing extends beyond this blog site, but I consider the site to be one of service to others.
Like my other volunteer roles, I receive no compensation for producing this site, with the exception of any money I might make with Affiliate Marketing (more about that in a minute). I do this purely because I want to help others who are in Chronic Pain and who feel lost and alone and in need of information that might help make their lives better.
My other volunteer roles include committee work for Surgical Quality Improvement, improving Clinical Resources for Patients such as updating Patient Information Sheets received when you are discharged from an ER and Laboratory Quality Control to ensure that Patients are receiving the best care possible when they are providing lab samples for doctor-ordered tests. I also sit on a Provincial Measurement Working Group that is creating a survey for Patients in British Columbia, Canada to ensure that their care received has been the best it can be.
These roles, together with this blog, give me ample ways to help others, and that brings a lot of happiness to my soul.
My final reason for blogging is purely selfish…I do this for me as well. It’s therapeutic to be able to write about what’s new in health care, or what I’ve been thinking about a certain subject. I love being able to tackle controversial subjects or bring emotional issues to light, such as intimacy when you are Chronically Ill.
I consider myself lucky to be in a position where I can have some influence over others and perhaps introduce them to a treatment they haven’t heard of before. There’s nothing quite as satisfying as hearing back from someone who says “you changed my life” or “I really needed to read this”. It makes up for the research, the typing on days when my hands hurt and the work of coming up with new topics that will be of interest.
If you are a blogger, you understand what I’m talking about. If you are a reader, just let me say that having responsibility for you and what I’m producing for you is an honour I don’t take lightly. I want to make sure you’re getting information that benefits you and your health because I know what it’s like to live with Chronic Illness and I know the types of things that I’d like to read and learn from.
Thank you for allowing me to share these thoughts with you. I appreciate your comments below, or you can always write to me using the Contact Form.
I do this because I love it. I love sharing and helping others and I hope I’m able to continue for a long time to come. Remember…
If you’ve read my blog before, you know that I live with Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue. My pain comes from Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis in all my major joints, Myofascial Pain, a condition called Trigeminal Neuralgia, Diabetes (and Neuropathy that comes from that), Pelvic Adhesions, a spinal condition called Forestier’s Disease, aka D.I.S.H. which stands for Diffuse Idiopathic Skeletal Hyperostosis, Gastroparesis and several other medical conditions.
My many faces of pain
I’ve been living with Chronic pain for over 30 years now, from the time I was a teen, and I’ve learned a few things in those years. I’d like to share 10 of those things with you now.
1. THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE
No matter how long I’ve been in pain for, I’ve never given up hope that things are going to get better. Some days I have are pure agony. Some days are pure delight. I cling to the good days as a reminder that things can be better and often are. There is always hope.
2. A GOOD DOCTOR IS TO BE TREASURED
Doctors have a hard time treating patients with chronic pain because they haven’t been trained well. They’re trained to diagnose a problem and solve it, so chronic pain is frustrating for them as well. If you don’t have a sympathetic doctor who is doing everything they can for you, find another doctor. When you do find one, be honest with them. Share everything…your depression, your anger, your worries. A good doctor wants to help you, but if you can’t share with them, you’re not giving them the chance to do all they can.
3. SUPPORT GROUPS AREN’T RIGHT FOR EVERYONE
Some people thrive in a support group. Others tend to get tired of the constant back patting and “Oh my gawd, I’m so sorry” conversations. Some are in the middle. I think a support group can be a great thing, as long as it’s the right fit. You want a group where you can feel heard and valued while offering support to the others as well – not just a one-way street. I also think it’s important to not jump into every group you hear about. That just becomes confusing and almost like a competition, to see how much sympathy you can drum up. You have to be willing to give back and you can’t forge honest relationships with people when you’re in a dozen active groups in my opinion. Unless that’s all you do all day long. And if that’s the case, I feel sorry for you, because you’re obviously not getting something you truly need.
4. CHRONIC PAIN IS ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE TO EXPLAIN TO OTHERS
Despite having great tools like the Spoon Theory and the Battery Analogy to talk about how much energy it costs us to live with chronic pain, it’s almost impossible to get others to understand what it’s like to live with chronic pain day in and day out. Here’s the thing…THE PAIN NEVER GOES AWAY. I can’t make it any more clear than that. No matter what I’m doing, or not doing. I’m hurting. Sometimes I’m in agony, like when I get a Trigeminal Neuralgia Flare up. Try to imagine the last time you experienced brain freeze from eating/drinking something cold…do you remember that sensation? That agonizing pierce of pain in your brain? Now try to imagine that same feeling but in your cheekbone…for 12 hours in a row. Can’t imagine it?? Go try and get brain freeze as a reminder. That’s what my TN flare-ups are like. They start in my cheekbone and spread to my sinus cavity and my eye, then down to my jaw, and to my esophagus. I get spasms in my throat and often I get chest pain as well. For 12 hours.
My Fibromyalgia pain feels like my limbs are in concrete…it’s a heavy throbbing sensation in my arms and legs that make them impossible to move. The Neuropathy I feel in my feet is like pins and needles that never go away. My back pain is so intolerable that I can’t sweep my floors for more than 5 minutes without my lower spine seizing up.
5. DID I MENTION, THE PAIN NEVER GOES AWAY.
Sometimes it lightens up a bit, maybe after I’ve had a rare good night’s sleep, but if I’ve done too much on a particular day, the next day will be agony. Every day is different, and I’ve learned that there is no rhyme or reason as to what might cause a flare and why some days are better than others. Even as I’m typing this, my hands and wrists are throbbing and I’m making more mistakes typing than I normally do. When I sleep, I have to make sure my fingers aren’t curled, or I’ll wake up and won’t be able to move them.
6. COMFORT ROUTINES FOR FLARE UP DAYS ARE LIFESAVERS
In order to combat chronic pain, you need to have an arsenal of weapons at your disposal. This can include medications, therapies like massage or chiropractic care, acupuncture, heat, cold, stretching, yoga, and other items that help you when your pain is flaring up. Warm fluffy blankets and socks, a TENS machine or massaging unit, a roll-on pain medication – whatever you find works for you is part of your comfort routine and it’s important that you use these items when needed before your pain becomes even worse.
7. PACING REALLY DOES WORK
One of the important things you learn when you have chronic pain is that you have a limited amount of energy and you have to pace yourself throughout the day/week, etc. in order to stay ahead of the pain. Pacing is critical in helping to prevent flare-ups or in helping to reduce the number of flare-ups you may experience. There comes a point when you may have to consider outside help for chores because you can’t do them all. Perhaps a teenage neighbour can help with cleaning or laundry or care in the garden. Maybe you decide to hire a cleaning service twice a month for a deep clean that you can’t get to. Whatever you need and whatever you decide, my best advice is to lose the guilt. It’s not your fault you have chronic pain. You do what you need to, in order to make your home a happy one again.
8. SLEEP IS A VERY GOOD THING
Most people with chronic pain struggle to get good sleep, just by the very nature of being in pain. Take the time to establish a good sleep routine and don’t be afraid to nap during the day if that’s what your body requires. Just sent a timer for no more than 90 minutes (one sleep cycle) and do it early enough that it won’t interfere with bedtime. If you need to ask your doctor about sleep medications, then ask. Don’t be afraid of them, but perhaps try the more natural solutions first, like melatonin. Your doctor can give you the best advice.
9. WE ARE ALL WARRIORS
Just by the mere fact you are reading this and identifying with it, you are a warrior. Living with chronic pain is no picnic my friend and those of us who do it struggle every single day of our lives. Some days are good, some days are bad and some days are too difficult to talk about. It takes a special kind of strength to manage chronic pain and life at the same time and I admire every single person out there who is doing it. You are a warrior.
10. I’VE FINALLY ACCEPTED MY BODY THE WAY IT IS
For all my bravado and positive spirit, it took me a long time to learn to love this pain-filled body of mine. When I was forced to leave my job at the top of my game in 2009 I was devastated. I didn’t think I’d ever be useful to anyone again and I sank into a deep depression over how my body had let me down. It took several years before I was able to accept that this truly was my “new normal” and that returning to work wasn’t going to happen for me. When I found myself in a place where my health had improved somewhat, and I felt I had something to give back, I started volunteering for the Patient Voices Network and that really helped me get back on my feet. I am able to take part in committee work again, but at a pace that works for me and my health. I’m better able to accept my body and all it’s medical failings because I’ve found ways to contribute again.
I’ve also been able to get involved in hobbies again such as crafting and reading. I’m learning how to crochet and do needlepoint, all things I didn’t have time for when I was too busy working. So accepting my limitations also opened the door to new things for me to try, which has been a blessing. Perhaps you’re in the same place now, ready to accept that this is your new normal, and it’s an okay place to be. If you’re going to be in pain anyways, doesn’t it make sense to accept it and find ways to make the best of it.
I’ve been blessed with a positive nature that has helped to get me through a lot of difficult situations in my life. Chronic pain and my medical conditions are part of that. I believe in God and trust Jesus every day to be there for me. I have wonderful family and friends who have been so supportive of me. I belong to a great support group online that genuinely cares about me. More than anything though, and as my first point says,
When you live with Chronic Pain and Chronic Fatigue, travelling for business and/or pleasure can become a real challenge. In the course of my volunteer work, I sit on 4 different committees and one working group, and of those, 2 of them require travel from my home in Langford, BC (just outside of Victoria) to Vancouver on the Mainland. It’s a short flight, only 30 minutes from runway to runway, but with everything that goes into it, it can end up being quite exhausting by the time the trip is over.
On my most recent trip to Vancouver, I came down with what was either food poisoning or a severe case of gastroenteritis on Thursday evening before my all day Friday meeting. I was in the bathroom every hour all night long, plus I had the stomach cramps and nausea, along with feeling extremely cold yet having the sweats. I haven’t been that sick in years!!! On top of all that, I had a flare-up of my Trigeminal Neuralgia which combined to make me a very, VERY miserable girl.
I survived to the next day, made it through the meeting still having the shakes and sweating and still with facial pain from the TN, and all I wanted to do was get home as soon as possible. I arrived at the airport for my 7pm flight, only to find out it had been cancelled!! The next flight was for 8pm so I had no choice but to wait. Then there came notice of a delay for that flight. Then another delay and another delay and still ANOTHER delay. In total, there were five delays for the flight and I didn’t get home until just before 11pm by the time it was all said and done.
I was so wiped out from being sick, from the travel, the intensity of the meeting…just everything. I went to bed immediately and didn’t wake up (except for pee breaks) until Sunday at 8am. I completely slept through Saturday!!
Travel, in general, is not easy when you have Chronic Pain and being sick makes it worse. If you do have to travel, for business or pleasure, I’ve gathered a few tips to help make YOUR travels a bit easier the next time you’re flying or on the road:
Keep a small, lightweight, hands-free bag with essentials handy and check your main bag if traveling by air.
Ask, “How accessible are handicapped accommodations?”
Pack for all temperatures and environmental fluctuations. I get hot easily, so I pack clothing that is easy to layer. With careful coordination, I can make many outfits from fewer articles of clothing and lessen the load.
Make your bed as close to your bed at home as possible. Ask for extra pillows or blankets. (I always check the closet when I first arrive for these).
Stay as close to your usual routine as possible, but also adjust with the local time to avoid jetlag.
Throw in an extra pair of reading and sunglasses from the dollar store so if you lose them, you don’t mind so much. A book light comes in handy and serves as a light that is easy to access when your unfamiliar hotel room is dark.
Carry a medical letter or a medical history summary that includes diagnoses with your physician’s contact information. This letter is handy and often available from your doctor. Ask if they might have such a thing or create your own.
If you are confined to an airplane seat, keep blood and lymph moving by flexing and relaxing your joints every 20 to 30 minutes. Compression socks are helpful for circulation too.
Avoid alcohol and stay hydrated. Dehydration stresses the body as a whole.
Carry a healthy snack bag with fresh fruit and non-perishable foods, like protein bars, in case of a delay.
Dress for comfort in loose non-restrictive clothing and a pair of comfortable fail-safe shoes. This is not the time to try out those new sandals you bought!!
Make sure your plane, train, or bus is on time before leaving home – sign up for notification alerts when offered.
Travel comes with challenges for everyone, but especially those of us who live with conditions that cause chronic pain. But, if we respect our limitations and listen to what our body tells us, we can enjoy our time away from home.
Let’s meet our next Guest (with the gorgeous smile), Ellie Trinowski, and find out more about her:
Introduce yourself and tell us a bit about you…
My name is Ellie Trinowski, and I live in Cleveland Georgia. I’m a wife, mother, and Grammie.
Before I stopped working, I was an event planner and coordinator for weddings in the Northeast Georgia Mountains. I worked with wineries and catering companies to create memorable events in picturesque settings. I loved my work. Now, I am a full-time grandmother of a talented little gymnast named Violet. I love this gig, too!
Chronic illness(es)/disabilities I have…
I have psoriasis(PsO), psoriatic arthritis(PsA), fibromyalgia, epidermolysis bullosa acquisita(EBA), and bullous pemphigoid(BP).
Beyond these autoimmune diseases, I have also survived multiple bilateral pulmonary embolism, and I live with a supraventricular tachycardia.
My symptoms/condition began…
I was 17 years old when the psoriasis begin. It wasn’t until I was 44 years old that I was diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis. Within the next year, symptoms of fibromyalgia began.
In the summer of 2017, I began realizing symptoms of a rare skin disease called epidermolysis bullosa acquisita. By the end of the year, I was diagnosed with bullous pemphigoid.
My diagnosis process was…
I have been very fortunate in the duration that it took for my disease processes to be diagnosed by medical professionals. The largest obstacle was the pain and limited mobility that came with PsA initially. It did take almost two years of suffering before I found the right doctor to diagnose me with PsA. Dr. Jatin Patel also diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia and recognized the symptoms of my rare skin disease. He was expeditious in getting me to a dermatologist, Dr. Carmen Julian, for evaluation. After several biopsies and blood work, I was diagnosed with EBA. Finally, it was determined that I also had BP at Emory in Atlanta by Dr. Ronald Feldman, who is the professor of dermatology at the clinic for blistering diseases.
The hardest part of living with my illness/disabilities is…
I do not appear sick. It is incredibly frustrating to have people judge me when I use a mobility cart in a grocery store and have people ask me why. I’m 50 years old. Once I had an elderly woman walk up to me, while I was on a mobility cart, and she asked me to get off because she needed it more. Of course, there was no way for her to know that I had a flare of all of my diseases at the same time. I was in a lot of pain, I couldn’t walk well and my skin disease was causing ridiculous itching. I was feeling frustrated and embarrassed because she did this in the middle of the pharmacy area of the store. I relinquished and gave up the cart to her.
A typical day for me…
Involves a lot of driving!
Now that I am a full-time Grammy, I drive my granddaughter to school, and I pick her up every day. I take her to gymnastics practice, and we might go to the park if there is no gym. She helps me pick up groceries and we head home.
If I am not flaring, I plan dinner most days, and if I’m doing really well dinner actually gets made! I try to do one thing that contributes to house cleaning every day, like vacuuming the living room or cleaning a bathroom. I find that things don’t get too out of hand that way. Violet always helps me out with chores, as well.
By early evening, I am typically on the couch because I’m toast! I will make it into my room, take my medicine and fall into my bed by 8pm, where I watch Netflix.
The one thing I cannot live without is…
The support of my family! I am blessed beyond measure! My husband works full-time and still does the laundry for me and anything else that I can’t handle that I would have done before my disabilities. My mother and father live right next door, and they are incredible when it comes to anticipating my needs. Dad gave me a cane when walking became difficult. Besides checking on me often, my dad brought a walker over before I admitted I needed it. My mother randomly shows up with leftovers or muffins, and a smile to cheer me up. My little Violet fetches things for me, and helps me in the kitchen, or when I need to tidy up the house.
Being ill/disabled has taught me…
Although I have never been one to judge, being disabled has taught me never to judge a book by its cover. You never know what somebody is going through. It has also taught me that life is short and that you must make the most of every day. After being admitted to the hospital on October 5, 2017, and being told I was lucky to be alive after blood clots had been found in both of my lungs, I tend to look at every day with different eyes. I’m incredibly grateful for my life.
It is not always easy on painful days, but it is imperative when you consider it might be your last.
What advice would I give someone recently diagnosed…
I would tell someone who was recently diagnosed with an illness or disability that they must stand up for themselves. It is so important to speak your truth and ask plenty of questions. Take notes and research responsibly. Instead of researching on Google, type in Google Scholar and utilize that platform for reliable research. Ask for a second opinion if necessary and get to know others who suffer from chronic illness. This gives you a sense that you are not alone and it is also a great resource to gather ideas to help yourself.
My support system is…
I have always believed that it takes a village to accomplish anything. As I mentioned my family is my number one support. I also value the social media community of chronically ill patients. I am grateful to the people who spend time sharing their experiences and knowledge with others to effect change in policies, as well as, suggestions for the lifestyle alterations we must make in our lives. Others who have lived our pain and challenges sharing their experience is a priceless resource I am grateful for!
If I had one day symptom/disability-free I would…
Go for a hike in the mountains with my granddaughter. I used to push Violet in her stroller all over this beautiful place we live in. When she became a toddler, I would take her with me on hikes to wear her out and get a good nap out of her! I had no idea back then that this simple ritual would be taken away from me before I was 50 years old.
One positive of having a chronic illness/disability is…
The ability to effect change. Because of outlets like the National Psoriasis Foundation and the Arthritis Foundation, I can connect with others and use my voice to effect change in my state and even in my country. I am currently advocating for step therapy reform in the state of Georgia. I was able to bring my voice to this legislation by traveling to the Capitol on Advocacy Day and share my story with others. I love that sense of accomplishment and progress.
Having a chronic illness like Fibromyalgia can be a very isolating experience. Many of us used to work and found a lot of our social life revolved around our jobs, whether it was getting together with the gang after work for drinks or volunteering with a workgroup for a community project. Often, a best friend was made at our jobs whom we would hang out with more frequently, and those sorts of friendships became treasured relationships to us.
After you become chronically ill though, you often have to give up working, and those relationships no longer exist, not even with the “best friend” that you made. How do you handle the loneliness that comes from that? We tend to not go out a lot in the first place, because of pain and fatigue, so without a reason to get together with former co-workers, there’s now more reason to isolate ourselves than ever. It’s depressing to know that you’re no longer “part of the gang” and that you don’t fit in anymore. It’s even more depressing to know that your former friends don’t even realize that they’ve shut you out. It’s just the natural progression of you no longer being at the job, and nothing personal.
But what happens when you try to reach out, to make plans, and people don’t return calls? Or when people reach out to you, but you’re unable to go, because their plans are too ambitious for you? I’d love to see people for coffee, but they always want to combine it with shopping followed by dinner and drinks afterwards, and that’s too much of a day for me. Lunch and shopping, I can do that on a good day, but then I want to go home. And if it’s a bad day, then I have to say no right from the start. And what happens if I start having too many bad days when friends want to get together? They stop calling, period. I am “too sick all the time” and no longer any fun to be with. It’s easy to get depressed when this happens.
It’s so frustrating when friends give up on you. I can’t control my good and bad days. I have no idea when a good day is going to go bad. I can feel great in the morning and then start to go downhill by the early afternoon. I try to explain that to people, but they don’t always understand how unpredictable Fibromyalgia can be. Sometimes it can change from hour to hour and even minute by minute. It’s like going outside in changing weather and never being sure of how many layers you should wear. Will you be too hot, too cold or just right? And what do you do with all those layers if you don’t need them?
There’s also the other side of the coin though. What if your friends continue to invite you out, but you keep turning them down? Your reasons seem valid; you’re in pain, it’s too much of a hassle, the weather is too difficult, you’re tired, or you just don’t feel like it. It’s easy to make excuses, but you also need to search the real reasons for saying no. Are the reasons you’re giving valid? Or are you turning down invitations because of depression?
Signs to Watch Out For
How do you know if you’re becoming depressed or socially isolated? Here are some signs to watch for:
Being less motivated to leave your home
Feeling more anxious or worried when leaving the house
Declining invitations from friends or family to meet or attend gatherings
Planning fewer social opportunities for yourself
Ignoring supports when they reach out to you
Seeing only negatives associated with social connections
If you recognize any of these symptoms, please see a doctor in order to be treated appropriately. If you want to be more socially active, but find your friends are not as available as they’ve been in the past, the following suggestions might be helpful for you:
Volunteer with like-minded people
Help out in an animal shelter
Take up a new hobby
Join a support group (in person or online)
Join a Social Group in your City (look on Craigslist)
Keep a journal – it can help put things in perspective
Loneliness can be hard to deal with, but with the right understanding and support, you can overcome it. Make sure you’re staying in touch with people and not isolating yourself, and reach out to others if your friends have stopped reaching out to you. It’s okay to move forward and make new friends. Listen to your body and do what’s right for you. If you’re feeling up to it, go out and make new friendships through volunteer work or so social groups. If you need to take a break from socializing, that’s fine. Just don’t fade into the woodwork. Remember, your presence is valued no matter how much of it you are able to give at any time. You are loved. And as I always say…
I thought I’d start out the year with a refresher course on the conditions I live with and how blogging has had such an impact in my life. Because of my blogging, I have had chances to be interviewed in a Canadian National newspaper, on two different podcasts, and several different articles online. The various conditions I write about are because of the fact I live with them and am personally acquainted with them. So, without further ado, here we go:
So I’ve talked about my Chronic Pain from Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis, and when I say I have arthritis in all my major joints, I’m serious. I have it in my shoulders, elbows, wrists and fingers, my cervical, thoracic and lumbar spine, left hip (right hip has been replaced), knees, ankles and toes. Some areas like my left hip and right knee are quite serious and will need replacing, but the rest I’ll have to live with.
Meanwhile, my thoracic spine has a different type of bone condition called Forestier’s Disease or D.I.S.H., which stands for Diffuse (Widespread) Idiopathic (Of Unknown Cause) Skeletal (Referring to the Skeleton) Hyperostosis (Excessive Growth of Bone). It forms in the shape of a bone spur, but instead of a normal spur that could be removed, it looks more like melted candle wax on the spine, so nothing can be done about it.
I also have regular bone spurs on my right hand – I had one removed from inside my pointer finger as it grew through a tendon, and there is a second one on the outside of my middle finger growing through the knuckle. Both have been very painful and interfere(d) with typing and writing.
My Type 2 Diabetes has been with me for 8 years now and is mostly under control. I go for regular blood tests every 3 months, to get my A1C numbers that show my average blood sugar levels for the previous 3 months. Generally speaking, I average around 6.9 to 7.2 which is slightly higher than the 5.9 – 6.2 my doctor would like, but I do my best. I use long acting insulin at night, 14 units which does a good job at helping to keep things under control. I’m trying to eat better, but I’m a sucker for sweets and it’s hard to be disciplined.
So, what else is on that list. Ah yes, the ever lovely Gastroparesis
Now, the way they determine if you have this or not is through something called a motility test. In my case, they wanted me off ALL of my meds first to make sure they weren’t contributing to the problem, so for 2 days prior to my test I had to quit my medications cold turkey. That included my meds for Fibromyalgia, my anti-psychotics AND my opioid narcotic for pain. Do you have any idea what going through withdrawal is like? It was horrendous. I had the shakes, the runs, I couldn’t eat or sleep, and for those 2 days, I alternated between thinking I was dying and wanting to die to having to feel better in order to die.
On the day of the test, I went to the hospital to where the Nuclear testing is done. I knew that I was going to be eating an egg sandwich with a radioactive tracer in it and that tracer would be monitored through a series of special x-rays, but I explained to the nurse that everything I ate was immediately running right through me like water. She was so sweet…she “reserved” me a private bathroom, brought me my sandwich and told me to eat as much as I could while I sat there. Talk about embarrassing!!! It’s embarrassing writing about it!!! But, I managed just over 3/4’s of it, which she said was enough. She brought me into the x-ray room where there was a gurney to lay on, and then gave me a warm blanket.
The first pictures were taken every 2 minutes, so I just sat. Then they took them every 5 minutes apart, then 10 minutes apart, then 15, then 30 and finally 2 pictures 1 hour apart each. In between, I slept on the gurney, and my nurse brought me as many warm blankets as I wanted. She also brought me a cold wet face cloth for my forehead. When it was all over, I gave her a big hug and thanked her for being so kind. Then I took my medications asap!!!!
The tests showed that I have a moderate degree of low motility so my food sits in my stomach for a long period of time before moving on to the intestines. This explains why I always look bloated and pregnant. There are medications that can be taken, but I’ve asked my doctor if we can just hold off and wait on that for now. This is more of an inconvenience than anything right now, and I just don’t want any more drugs in my system than I absolutely need. If the problem becomes hugely bothersome, we’ll revisit it, but in the meantime, I’ll just try to watch what I eat, drink more water and try to exercise a bit more.
The Internal Pelvic pain is because I have had a number of pelvic surgeries over the years, so there is a lot of internal scar tissue left over that has attached itself to things like my bladder and bowel, etc. There are occasions when I move a certain way, and those adhesions stretch very painfully – it feels like velcro being ripped apart except it’s my body doing the ripping. It takes my breath away sometimes, it’s so painful, but it only lasts for a minute or two, then it’s gone.
Which leads to Hypothyroidism. For a long time, I assumed that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome was the only reason for my constant exhaustion, as my Thyroid numbers always came back normal on blood tests done every three months. One day though, my thyroid went rogue and those numbers were crazy. I had been especially tired…like dragging my ass tired, needed toothpicks to keep my eyes open tired
Oohhh, that is NOT a good look on me!!! My doctor put me on meds and I could feel a difference in a very short period of time. On my next 3 month course of blood work, everything was back to normal, so now I take Synthroid on a daily basis for the rest of my life, to ensure I have a properly working system. So glad that was an easy fix!!
So there you have it. It’s a tough road to walk, I have to be honest. I live with pain 24/7 and have for almost 30 years now. Suffice it to say that you have to be mighty strong to live like this, to get through the day-to-day of actually living in pain. I know some people who just couldn’t. They tried so, so hard, but in the end, their pain was too much for them, and they took their own lives.
I’m a huge advocate for assisted suicide for people who live with severe, intractable pain. We take better care of our pets when they are hurting than we do our humans, and I think that is just plain wrong. I believe every human has the right to choose to die with dignity and I’m glad our Government has come on board with this. I know it’s not perfect, but at least things have started and that’s the main thing.
One thing having all these conditions HAS done though is that it’s given me a platform to blog about them and to discuss them as a Patient Partner in my volunteer work. I live in Langford, BC Canada and I belong to an organization called Patient Voices Network. They help take the voice of the patient and partner us with Heath Care Organizations who need Patient Advocates for the work that they are doing. I’ve been involved in committee work, focus groups, conferences, quality assurance forums, seminars and more because of PVN. The educational experience I’ve received is on par to anything I attended in my working life and in fact, when I attend anything in their offices in Vancouver now, it’s like being greeted by family – I know everyone and they all know me, I’ve been there so often for meetings.
I currently sit on 4 different committees: I am a member of the PVN Oversight & Advisory Committee, I currently sit on the Clinical Resource Committee for the BC Emergency Physicians Network , and I accepted a role with the Laboratory Quality Council Committee. We are responsible for all Labs on Vancouver Island as well as all Medical Blood Collection Stations.
Most recently, I took on a new role as committee member on the Measurement System for Physician Quality Improvement- Surgical Group. I am surrounded by top surgeons in Cardiac Care, Orthopedics and Neurology, plus high-ranking members from the Ministry of Health, the BC Patient Safety & Quality Council and other Health Organizations – and then there’s me. The lone patient voice to represent the masses. It’s a huge responsibility and one I take very seriously. I’ve already spoken out to let them know that while they see quality one way, I as a patient see it differently, and I expect my voice to be heard. It was empowering to have them tell me that I am the whole reason the others are there, because it’s all about the patient in the end.
So all this adds up to some pretty amazing experiences for me because of the pretty extraordinary pain that I live with on a daily basis. I have been truly blessed in my life, and I’m fortunate to be able to share it with you, my Dear Readers. Thank you for taking this journey with me. I hope to bring you more articles this year about Chronic Pain, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia and other Invisible Illnesses. And remember…